Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

Hopefully you’ll get a shout out when they do the speeches about the sacrifice you made (meant lightheartedly)😉

This is totally unreasonable of him!

Your birthday should be recognised as the most important day of the year!!

If you are 9 years old.

On a serious note OP, you sound like an utter headache.

🙄🙄

We have a friends wedding to attend on my birthday this year. My 40th. I was planning on a nice weekend away. Instead I’m going to celebrate my friend having one of the best days of her life, I’m honoured to be part of that.

Cmon op he’s the best man!

do something with mates the weekend of and with him after.

Thanks for the comments everyone. I understand what you’re saying. It’s not that I necessarily want to celebrate my birthday, i was just looking forward to a day where he took reins of our daughter and I could have a bit of a break and a lie in. I said I didn’t want to do anything this year anyway, in terms of going out. Maybe just a family day trip or a chilled day at home where I can relax and he can take the reins. I know he can do this another day to make up for it, but it’s just the thought that on my actual birthday I’m going to be home alone with the baby. Seems a bit sad. Such is life I guess

My first thought was this man will only have one stag do where as you will have many birthdays. If you are looking forward to a rest and your partner taking thr reins, does this mean u rarely hsve a rest? If so maybe that is more of an issue rather than the class of events?

Absolutely fine. Just celebrate another day. Wouldn't bother me at all. I'm celebrating a big birthday 3 months after the event, as that was the most convenient date.

At the moment yes because I am on mat leave while DP works pretty much 7 days a week. I asked him if he could not work the weekend of my birthday so that we can spend it as a family snd I can have a rest. He agreed, but now this has come up

Of course you can be irritated that they clash but annoyed at him is beyond unreasonable! Make sure you do something lovely that weekend though!

The stag do isn’t the issue, your bf is!
you really shouldn’t have to be looking forward to your birthday just to have more help with your child. That’s crazy. Sounds like he needs to step up big time so that things like that aren’t an issue.

Has he said how he will make it up to you eg book a nice meal the day before or buy you a spa day with a friend? Tickets for a play you want to see etc. I wouldn’t be annoyed about this as long as he was proactive about still making sure you had a nice birthday.

Just switch your birthday to when he is back. Worked for The Queen!

But you don't have to be alone with your baby... you can meet friends, or family.

If it was every year, maybe you would have a point, but arranging a stag weekend where the majority are available, especially if the friendship group lives all over the place, can be difficult.

You are contradicting yourself - 'he can have his stag do at anytime' vrs 'that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him' so he can't have it at anytime. As pp have said unless it is a big Birthday YABU.

Why would you be home alone with the baby just because he is away?

Don’t you have any friends or family you could spend it with?

If not (and I suggest you work on widening your friendship circle) plan something lovely for the two of you to do together that day.

Why don't you plan a nice weekend for yourself with your friends
Then you do something together when he is back

It's just a birthday 😁

It sounds like you need to sit down with him and explain how you feel day to day. It’s sad that your only request for your birthday was for him to help parent his child- and even sadder that you think being with your child on your birthday is a bad thing. You sound like you’re a bit overwhelmed with motherhood and by the sounds of it are doing all the hard work so are not as able to enjoy the good bits.
Have a talk, he needs to step up a little more on a regular basis and you need to create a little bit of time for yourself. 🌺

Unless you are under 10, YABU

He works seven days a week.

OP is on mat leave.

I would expect her to do 95% of child looking after at this point

I love my birthday, but I’d totally understand my other half going to a stag do if the date clashed.
Trying to arrange one date that a group can do is always difficult. Whilst you can’t change the date of your birthday, there will be many more to come.
Just celebrate a day earlier or a few days later.

OP posted that while I was typing.

OP, ask him if he can take a different day or weekend off for your birthday instead. If money allows.

Seven days a week is extreme. That leaves no family time or time to do admin, help with the housework or whatever.

He does do housework in the evenings, but obviously working 7 days a week and then coming home and doing housework as well is tiring, so I do pretty much all of the parenting stuff. I get up in the night etc and never get a break. But without me working at the minute, we need the extra income from his overtime so it’s just the way it is at the minute

What job is seven days a week? Own business?