Was I taken advantage of and groomed?

[WineAndCheese25]

Good evening, sorry it is late but I am so confused.
I was a part of women’s refuge up until 4 weeks ago. I have engaged in a relationship with a male that works for the organisation as a paid employee. This individual has spun me a story and promised me the world and I have been thinking for the last 8 months we have been in a relationship. I am a high risk MAREC victim of domestic violence and abuse, the male was aware of this but we did some how end up in a sexual relationship. I am very much in love with this individual but now it has all come to light he has denied any involvement saying I am an obsessed stalker 😪 I am just looking for advice or a hand hold please just anything to help me

I can only offer a hand hold OP, what a complete wretch he is. 💐

I'm sorry to say you have been abused at a vulnerable time. This person was in a position of power and responsibility for you and this should never have happened.

I would report this to the trustees, managers of the organisation or whoever provides funding for the refuge.. How many other vulnerable people has he preyed on?

Do you have children?

Oh, and it goes without saying that he is completely in the wrong and abusing his position

It has been reported to the CEO who is investigating. He has denied it to her and said I am crazy and obsessed, I have presented photographic evidence of us together and he said it is photoshopped. I genuinely fell in love with this man thinking he was protecting me 😭

I do have children yes, 2 of them.

Yes you absolutely were taken advantage of. He is the worst kind of predator and I am sorry he got his mitts into you when you were clearly so very vulnerable. I bet you are not the first.

@Fraaances oh really 😭 honestly makes my heart hurt. I believed every single thing he told me and it seems he was just using me for what he wanted

I honestly don't mean to sound harsh. But focus on your children at this time and stay away from men.
I wish you well x

@JMSA now I have moved on from the safe house I was residing in m, I intend to. Thank you 🫶🏼

People like that are attracted to places like that. Whoever hired him needs to change their policy and more

👍💗

Absolutely.

What the hell were they thinking, employing a MAN for a place where there are vulnerable women?

@WineAndCheese25 Stay well away from men, as you are likely drawn to the abusive types.
Concentrate on your children- you will be far safer alone, you don't need a man to protect you.

That is horrific. You were groomed at your most vulnerable by someone in a position of relative power.

These abusive men can sniff out an emotionally vulnerable woman at 100 metres.
It's shocking that they are employed at women's refuges.
It's like having a rat in a henhouse.

I thought the same - I suspect it will not be the first time he has done it.
Let them carry out their investigation - keep single and heal.

Sorry what is MAREC?
From his reaction I'd say he's been grooming you, and yes another hand hold here.

Sorry op. He's saying these things to protect his reputation and job as he probably violated policy. You're awesome, he's scum.

Yes, I think pursuing a relationship with you would have been against the code of conduct in his employer contract.

He has thrown you under a bus, so is clearly not a good person. Doing that to someone who is vulnerable just makes it even more awful and puts you into the category of having been groomed by him. I hope the investigators can see things for what they are. I would ask them for support.

I think it's a typo for MARAC which is a Multi Agency Risk Assessment Conference where multi services will meet in relation to a.victim of domestic abuse. So police, social work, sometimes Health professionals and women's aid workers etc. they will go over the risks and come up with ways to reduce the risk of further harm.

This is so sad to read, what a dreadful man, you’re so vulnerable. I hope he gets dismissed, you won’t have been the first or last.

Actively pursuing a vulnerable woman, who you come into contact with whilst holding a position of trust is predatorial. I am so sorry. I hope this is thoroughly investigated. You will at some stage no longer be in love with this man. Please get some support to help you through this.

Report him. He has to prove that the pictures are photoshopped - which he wont be able to do. Do you have any messages or other records of your interaction?

He did indeed throw you under the bus, I’d suspect to cover up that you’re possibly not the first vulnerable woman he’s targeted.
Do you have any other “evidence”;, anything he wrote to you such as a card or texts ?
I hope you can start to rebuild your life for you and your children now. And I hope he is suitably dealt with.

You absolutely were taken advantage of and groomed. He took advantage of his position and broke every possible boundary.

I'll go further and say you weren't the first but I hope speaking out means you might be the last.