Was I taken advantage of and groomed?

[WineAndCheese25]

Good evening, sorry it is late but I am so confused.
I was a part of women’s refuge up until 4 weeks ago. I have engaged in a relationship with a male that works for the organisation as a paid employee. This individual has spun me a story and promised me the world and I have been thinking for the last 8 months we have been in a relationship. I am a high risk MAREC victim of domestic violence and abuse, the male was aware of this but we did some how end up in a sexual relationship. I am very much in love with this individual but now it has all come to light he has denied any involvement saying I am an obsessed stalker 😪 I am just looking for advice or a hand hold please just anything to help me

He shouldn't be anywhere near vulnerable women,I wonder how many times he's done this?

He's preyed on you. He is absolute scum. I really hope he loses his job over this as god knows how many vulnerable women he's fucked over to meet his own desires.

Don't let him anywhere near you. Make sure you've blocked him on everything. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live.

Concentrate on you and your kids and rebuilding your life. Stay strong. You have got this.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. He abused his position and he has acted unprofessionally.

What a horrible man.

Report it to the Police and Social Work as well as the Chief Exec will probably try and cover it up.

This is why men can't work with vulnerable women. FFS.

Can you show like location info for where the photos were taken etc, dates etc, so they can see they aren't AI generated? He needs to lose his job.

Yes, you were groomed and exploited. I’m so sorry that has happened to you. Is he on any professional register - where I am some types of support workers need to be registered. If so I’d report him there as well as to the organisation. Have you got any support for yourself now you’ve moved out?

Thanks for all of your responses. I can’t believe I have allowed myself to be used all over again.

I did have screen shots of call logs between us and messages between us that I have sent over as evidence. I could have accepted the fact he denied it and that would have still hurt but my ex that I fled from actually did stalk and harass me which caused me a great deal of fear and to accuse me of the same thing was disgusting.

I had an abortion in October because I was pregnant and he didn’t want it which was a horrible experience but again he’s denied all of that and said I’m a fantastis

@WineAndCheese25 do you have a social worker ? Absolutely I would report it to them, and get some support from a women's charity in reporting this so that he cannot work with vulnerable women

I don’t have a social worker, I reported it to my support worker who then reported it to the CEO. I had a meeting Wednesday where I gave the photo evidence and messsges and the manager said she wouldn’t need to speak with him and further, she had everything she needed to proceed now but then last night she text saying he has been given all the documentation now and he can respond to it so I feel like she lied to me and is prioritising him as I still haven’t received any documentation.

What a disgusting individual. You need to contact a domestic abuse charity and let them know everything that has happened. I’d also be considering legal advice to make sure that the investigation is progressing appropriately (for example he should have been suspended while the investigation is completed) and to see if you can get compensation, which i’d strongly recommend spending on therapy.

This was a domestic abuse charity I was under if that makes sense. I was residing in a safe house of a domestic abuses charity when me and the individual got into a relationship

if you google the name of your area and domestic abuse charity you should find someone locally who can support you face to face.
I’d also be considering reporting this to the police.
Also message the ceo and ask them to confirm the following
• What is company policy about staff having relationships with residents?
• Has the member of staff been suspended while an investigation is completed?
• Who is completing the investigation in to my allegation?
• Which external agencies have you reported the abuse of trust to?

do I need to get legal advice here?

You definitely need some support from someone who is not in any way related to the charity. I think legal advice would be wise, although I’m not sure if you’d qualify for legal aid. There’s no harm in ringing a few local ones to see on Monday

Do you have any proof of texts or calls? If you’ve cleared your phone your mobile phone provider will have logs.

What you need is an advocate from another charity to support and advise you through this

Perhaps start with a national charity if the one near you is a smaller one

Maybe you should sue the safe guarding facility.

You got pregnant by someone who was supposed to be a professional in a setting where you were supposed to be looked after.

Certainly groomed. And your safe guarding needs neglected.

However - it is on you and you alone to protect your children. You are unable to safely judge a situation with men. You can not get involved with any more men, whoever they are while you have children to take care of. You just can't do it because you are so very susceptible to predators.. who could hurt your kids. You are responsible for their safely.

This ... a hundred times over

In what capacity did he work there? A plumber who is called in occasionally to unblock the drains might not be aware of the policies / sensitivities involved. A child care worker who actually properly works there and can be expected to be aware of how inappropriate and damaging such a relationship would be- a whole different matter.

Remember, you've done nothing wrong. He has exploited his position of power.

This should also be reported via adult safeguarding under the LADO (local area designated officer) or called part 6 in Wales requirements....basically this is where adults ( or children) at risk have been subject to abuse of power by people in professional positions.

Do not rely on this CEO doing anything the proper way.

Please contact adult safeguarding Monday am when they're open and self refer.

What the hell are they thinking, employing men to work in a women's refuge? Do you have screenshots of messages? They will be able to investigate and tell if the photo is photoshopped or not. What a horrible man.

He was the healthy and safety lead so came and assessed repairs did water checks etc so in contact with the women regularly

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. You've been badly let down by this charity.

You definitely need support from another body. Have you spoken to women's aid?

I will contact women’s aid for advice as the other charity it concerns is the only other one I know about.
I just feel so stupid that I allowed this man to make me fall in love again