Was I taken advantage of and groomed?

[WineAndCheese25]

Good evening, sorry it is late but I am so confused.
I was a part of women’s refuge up until 4 weeks ago. I have engaged in a relationship with a male that works for the organisation as a paid employee. This individual has spun me a story and promised me the world and I have been thinking for the last 8 months we have been in a relationship. I am a high risk MAREC victim of domestic violence and abuse, the male was aware of this but we did some how end up in a sexual relationship. I am very much in love with this individual but now it has all come to light he has denied any involvement saying I am an obsessed stalker 😪 I am just looking for advice or a hand hold please just anything to help me

This is awful. Definitely go to the police- the man should not get away with this, he needs his DBS revoked. and nor should the women’s shelter. WTF. Really shocking lack of care for you.
So sorry you are going through this.

Good morning, thanks for replies.
Since posting the update I have emailed the head of HR with a complaint about complete lack of care from the organisation. They have left me vulnerable again for him to approach my property if he has been fired because I haven’t been told so haven’t mentally prepared myself for that if it did happen. I am a long term depressive so I have also said this has had a massive negative impact on my well being.

i also said if I did not have a response by end of the working day Monday I am contacting the local paper and also seeking legal advice

So you won't contact the police or the LADO, but you'll contact the newspaper 🙄

I'm not sure contacting the paper would create effect you are looking for.

I personally dont think it’s a police matter, I wasn’t raped so I’m not sure they would take me seriously. The LA is a good call though, is their a specific department I should ask for? Also would it be better to go into my local council rather than do it over the phone

I already put a link to an example of a LADO in a previous post up-thread. Just look up the LADO for your county or city and contact them.

Sorry you’re going through this OP they should not have employed him. He should at the very least be suspended whilst they are making a decision

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. What an absolute bastard he is! There are so many of them about unfortunately. Like other people have said stay away from them for a bit and build yourself back up.
Am I being really naive? I was really shocked because I thought men couldn't work in women's refugees for exactly this reason.

How did it all come to light?

LADO deals with safeguarding issues concerning adults working with children, so not relevant here. I’m pretty sure they only cover Local Authority establishments too, so wouldn’t get involved in something to do with a charity.
what crime would be reported to the police?

@Cherry8809 all came to light when I opened up to my key worker about it, didn’t think they would report higher up as a safe guarding concern at the time but now as time has passed I see that it’s a massive abuse of power.

will contact LADO first thing tomorrow, unfortunately women’s refuges do employ a small number of males but they are dbs checked and stuff so you wouldn’t think they pose a risk as such.

He was suspended whilst the investigation was on going but I was told once it went to the panel for review within 7 days a decision would be made wether he needed reporting to the LA and I would be told the outcome. This has not happened so I’m unsure if he is still employed by the organisation

He should get a criminal record for this in my opinion. He has abused his position of trust and as you state OP he has groomed you. I hope you get some peace of mind from their investigation. 🙏

I just feel like I need some closure from this whole ordeal. I need to see in black and white that he denied our relationship and made me out to be crazy to move on from it. That probably sounds crazy to some people but it makes sense to me

A person in a position of power should not be in a sexual/romantic relationship with someone they are supporting. This is breaking the law.
I find it unsettling that you are viewed as a vulnerable person. You took part willingly? Did you not have a say? Your post is not descriptive, but unfortunately, because he had a particular job and you did not, you had a ( consensual ?) relationship together, you have no accountability, and he is in the wrong.

It sounds like you are bitter and annoyed that a man that you like has rejected you. Whether this relationship was sexual seems very one-sided since you are saying he is denying it.
I think it's very easy to believe the side of the story you are told but your version of events has a lot of holes.
You could be destroying a whole family's life if this is some fantasy or dillusion.

The LADO also deals with professionals working with both children and vulnerable adults. In any professional organisation. A charity providing refuge for vulnerable adults has to abide by safeguarding standards.
A professional adult has coerced a vulnerable adult - this needs reporting to the police.

@Raynexxbow so for a little background into this.

I fled my children’s father because he abused me mentally and psychically for quite a substantial amount of time 11 years. I wasn’t allowed a mobile phone or allowed to leave my house for the last 4 years of our relationship without him. I saught safety in a women’s refuge and after 4 months I was moved from the shared accommodation to a safe house that was my own house as such which is where I began having a sexual relationship with somebody employed by the organisation. I was not raped or forced, it was nice to have some positive attention after years of being put down and feeling like I wasn’t good enough.

Time to put your children first

@Raynexxbow wow it definitely didn’t happen inside my head. I’m not unhinged and definitely wouldn’t ruin a man’s life over a fantasy, I had photographs of us out and messages between us which I shared with the organisation.

Wow. I am shocked at this reply. A woman coming out of an abusive relationship will have had years of emotionally being abused and may not have the best judgement which is why the onus is on the person working for a domestic abuse service to not take advantage

And this man is not here to defend himself ..

Certainly sounds like grooming to me.

I am constantly flabbergasted at the lengths men go to in the pursuit of sex, the manipulation they are willing to engage in.

It’s insane!

Wherever you find abusive men you will always find a woman going to bat for them.

You're right he is not. I did not make this up though