My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

[Mummyme12345]

I’m not sure if this is a red flag or I’m being over sensitive here… my OH cousin is obsessed with my daughter. My daughter is 1 YO and is a dream to have… not to brag but she hardly cries and sleeps though the night and in general a happy healthy baby.

she has my LO quite a lot when I am at work or have breaks to see friends and so on.

things have been said recently, such as…”when you die she will be my baby” and “I’m scared to have a baby just in case I don’t love her as much as I love her” aswell as “I don’t want my own baby I want this one”. the worst was “it makes me upset that you are her mum and I’m not”

these comments have been said over the course of a few months. The rest of the family are justifying these comments saying she loves her so much and I should be happy she has someone else who loves her like their own and that the comments are harmless.

Myself and my OH are having her christened next month and she has made comments to family members that she should be a god mum and feels entitled to be so.

she has a lot to say about who has my LO and when… she has recently offered to have her overnight so that nobody else can have her. She’s becoming jealous of mine and my daughter’s relationship and my daughter’s relationship to my friends and family. She gets upset when I allow my friends and family to look after her and will cause drama so that they don’t want to watch my little one because it’s “not worth it the drama that comes with it”

my OH thinks it’s strange behaviour but we are not sure how to go about it.

just some advise please it’s keeping me up at night.

Your in-laws are waaay too invested and involved in your life. This reads as if they - somewhat aggressively- question your every decision and feel perfectly entitled to do so.
I truly hope your husband has your back about this because the cousin’s comments are hair raising and creepy.

Why does this situation sound like the episode in Friends where Rachel’s other sister turns up and wants the baby?
Thing is that is fiction this one frankly sounds weird OP. Your husband’s cousin needs to grow up.

This is giving..... The vibe of the film

"The hand that rock the cradle"

Fook that!

Then don't say it. That is Definitely not ok

Omg, I would go no contact for a crazy like that! Does she know that she is not God Mother yet?

You absolutely should be uncomfortable with this. She wants to usurp you as your child’s mother. She wants all the joys of motherhood without the pregnancy/pain of childbirth/financial implications. She is being extremely weird and you need to stop alone time asap. The comments about when you die etc….i just can’t even. This girl is extremely unhinged. Keep her away from your baby, and any shite you get from DH’s family, get HIM to deflect, in an appropriate way, without throwing you under the bus (example : we <WE not DW> felt cousin was becoming weird/obsessive/creepy so we’re just giving her a bit of time to sort out her obvious mental health issues). So creepy

Well done you!!! Amazing!!!

It sounds like like she spends a lot of time with her so you cut this back. Yes, strange, she's said it all loud, so self belief she's not over stepping boundaries. Xx

I think you and your dh really need to get a handle on this. Who cares what family members say ? Reply with “yes I’m really sensitive, and that nutter is not having my baby” end of .
this woman sounds unhinged and I wouldn’t ever leave my child alone with her again. Her words and comments and barbed and I wouldn’t trust she is not going to try to harm you quite frankly.

Well done OP! She sounds nuts. I think it is fine you for you to call her out directly if she makes anymore comments that are disturbing.

Personally, if she had said something along the lines of taking away the baby, I would have responded by looking her dead in the eyes and saying "That's funny, because I would rip the head off of anyone who tried to take my child away" and then see if the rest of that family enjoys the 'banter' 😄

God she sounds absolutely unhinged and completely nuts. No way would I have her as a Godmother to my child. Actually, I really, genuinely dislike the idea of Godparents these days - and think it's something that needs consigning to the history books.

Virtually everybody I know who has had Godparents for their child - or had a Godparent themselves when they were a child (25/30/35 plus years ago,) don't have anything to do with the Godchild(ren) or Godparents anymore.

In fact, most people I know who become Godparents, don't have anything to do with that child after 5-10 years, because they're not friends with the parents or in their lives anymore. I think Godparents is an outdated thing and I certainly wouldn't have my partner's cousin as a Godparent to my child. There's no guarantee you'll even be with this person in 5-10 years. But even if it's a relative - like your own cousin - you may not be in contact with (or on good terms with) in a few years. And I particularly would NOT have this woman. She sounds utterly batshit.

What is the point in Godparents these days, seriously? Years ago, they were there to guide the child in the faith of Christianity, to be there for them throughout their upbringing, and to be there to raise them if you die.

Godparents don't generally do ANY of the above these days! (IME and that of most people I know!)

.

I don’t want to add to your worries but I think it will
potentially also get worse when your daughter is a year or two older and the cousin can than ‘explain’ to her not only how much she loves her but also how you are failing in comparison to her. She will ask all
those awful ‘ who do you love best?’ Type questions plus ‘ we have more fun than You and mummy do’ type comments and will seek reassurance from your child that she adores her, etc., etc. please please don’t allow her to ever spend time overnight with her. 19 is very young and she is still very immature so this helps explain her childlike, selfish comments. When she has her own baby she will drop
yours instantly and no other child will compare! But horribly worrying for you at the moment , I don’t think she’s mature enough to provide regular child care. Lots of love to you and I hope you manage to resolve this.

OP, his family sound completely unhinged, not just his cousin.

Stop seeing so much of them.
Shut down their comments, ignore or mute texts.
Tell your husband to tell his family to STFU comments on you and your choices.

Consider moving closer to your family and away from his.
They really sound horrendous.

That cousin should never be left alone with your child again.

Gosh. Huge red flag. Well done OP. Sounds like you got a great solution in place. Reminded me of that film The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. Don’t doubt yourself in future.

This. Confusing post - first it’s her cousins partner , then it’s the cousin , now it appears to be the partners cousin. Whatever / whoever make alternative childcare arrangements especially if it’s in the evening surely the partner could look after their own child. It’s just too much

Move house - much further away!!’

What's wrong with your husbands family, why is it your issue if she can't save? Tell them to tell her to get a second job then but you can do what you want in regards to your life your work and your child. They're all mental

Op this might sound crazy and I haven’t read all replies but can you encourage her to get a dog? Might take her attention elsewhere…

You’ve absolutely made the right decision, @Mummyme12345

This is SO weird and totally unacceptable. It’s awful that the wider family are enabling awful comments. How is that doing her any favours? Please stay strong and ignore all the flying monkeys that want to comment on the change.

I don't understand why a cousin has so much access to your family

OP you can quote me directly! Her comments make her sound like the villain from a trashy physiological thriller book! If you die? Is she having a laugh? That is NOT normal! That is NOT ok! In anyone’s book anywhere that is unhinged. There is no question about it. No one who is in the same room as their own sanity would say something like that! Ever.

Yikes, this is really weird, I wouldn’t want to leave my D with her for a minute. Get D enrolled in a nursery or with a child minder.

You are the mother. You have a beautiful baby. You need to say ‘no’ to this 19 year old relative. You do not need to explain why. These are boundaries you need to set in place. No explanation required this is what you need and want. A straight forward ‘NO.’
Put your needs and those of your immediate family first. Once you set these boundaries, that person will not be keeping you up at night and causing you stress.

@Mummyme12345 Well done you for setting boundaries with her. You're a very strong woman to go back to work 4 months pp, run a business and look after your child. How dare anyone minimise your feelings and opinions as 'hormones' and being paranoid when in reality you're a super mum who should be applauded.

Please don't let this spoilt, silly teenage girl spend time alone with your daughter. Her influence is dangerous because she's using your child for validation and not treating her as an individual - the sort of mum who will enmesh entirely with her children when she has them and suffocate them. Stand firm and ignore the messages from all of them, they're not paying your bills or feeding you to have this control of your life. They can't force you to give your LO to her and they should be scared of driving you away because you're more than capable of raising her on your own without any of them, including your OH. Trust your instinct, anyone who keeps you up at night is not a good person to care for your child.