My partners cousin is obsessed with my baby

[Mummyme12345]

I’m not sure if this is a red flag or I’m being over sensitive here… my OH cousin is obsessed with my daughter. My daughter is 1 YO and is a dream to have… not to brag but she hardly cries and sleeps though the night and in general a happy healthy baby.

she has my LO quite a lot when I am at work or have breaks to see friends and so on.

things have been said recently, such as…”when you die she will be my baby” and “I’m scared to have a baby just in case I don’t love her as much as I love her” aswell as “I don’t want my own baby I want this one”. the worst was “it makes me upset that you are her mum and I’m not”

these comments have been said over the course of a few months. The rest of the family are justifying these comments saying she loves her so much and I should be happy she has someone else who loves her like their own and that the comments are harmless.

Myself and my OH are having her christened next month and she has made comments to family members that she should be a god mum and feels entitled to be so.

she has a lot to say about who has my LO and when… she has recently offered to have her overnight so that nobody else can have her. She’s becoming jealous of mine and my daughter’s relationship and my daughter’s relationship to my friends and family. She gets upset when I allow my friends and family to look after her and will cause drama so that they don’t want to watch my little one because it’s “not worth it the drama that comes with it”

my OH thinks it’s strange behaviour but we are not sure how to go about it.

just some advise please it’s keeping me up at night.

had a few texts from other members of the family asking why I have changed my working schedule and that said cousin will loose money that she puts away to save to buy a house.

Hardly. She's free to take a part time job elsewhere or babysit for other people.
You need your money for your baby. Don't pay for services you don't need.

Forgot to say, as for the cousin and money, she can get an evening job herself. Or the family can all dip in their pockets. You don’t have to justify your reasons, which can be as simple as wanting to save money for your own little family and recognising all this babysitting was getting too expensive.

Cross post. I was going to also say baby sitting then thought better of it…

She is 19. If you read op's posts, you would have seen the age!

@JustCrow this! Couldn't have put it better.

That’s extremely generous of you to pay her what you pay a childminder
childminders have many expenses and certainly don’t earn all of that £68.
she sounds batty, glad you are limiting time

Was going to put something to this effect. If she’s free to babysit in the evenings, she could now advertise her services in the community FB page and find herself some clients outside the family too.

You don't need to explain anything to her or your husbands family, this is your child, not theirs. Make it very clear that you decide who babysits and you and OH alone. If cousin kicks up, invite her round to see your daughter but make sure you're there with her, she sounds like she has MH problems. If anyone from your husband's family aske why she can't babysit any more, just say there are so many people willing to do it, its not fair on cousin and leave it at that. Don't argue, don't stay so you can be questioned and undermined, just leave. If they phone make sure you control the conversation by saying that you can only talk for a few minutes as you're on your way out and end the call when you feel uncomfortable. In all honesty OP you and your husband need to step up on this one as there's very little respect for both of you coming from his side of the family and hiscousin sounds very unstable.

Indeed.

I was wondering why everyone seems to be so determined that everything is OK & cousin should just be allowed to carry on as she wants!

What is it to them?

Also I think tell them a whole lot less about things!

The whys & wherefores aren't their business.

He needs to tell his mum that HE'S not happy with it, not blame it on you.

He needs to bring it up with his family, and tell them that HE'S not happy. It's his family, he needs to sort it.

In the meantime, don't let the cousin see your LO - just be busy and make excuses.

She sounds a bit mad. Is she lonely? Does she tend to form attachments quickly? A baby is ideal to attach to as they can't reject you as easily as an adult.

If I were you, I would honestly lessen her contact with her. Let her see her, but no babysitting or any kind of alone time. I don't know her, but she sounds unhinged.

I think you've made the right decision. Her behaviour was very odd and seemed to be escalating. It's so weird that his family were totally against putting in boundaries but seem unable to understand why you wanted to reduce contact. It does sound like they enjoyed their side of the family being more involved than yours.
Out of curiosity, when she offered to have the baby on Sunday would she have expected to be paid for that time?

She wouldn't be allowed within a hundred yards of any child in my family, the absolute freak.

Your OH needs to man up and lay down the law.

At best this is very odd behaviour that I would find really annoying. At the worst she is possibly seriously unhinged and is dropping clues about how she is thinking and what she might even do. I would be quite worried about her mental stability and potential to cause harm. I realise that it would be quite inconvenient as she is fulfilling a useful role in providing childcare. But I probably wouldn’t want to leave my little one with her unsupervised.

Fizzle her out

Well done OP. I have read all your posts and think you have handled this very well

OP this is giving “if I can’t have baby then nobody can” vibes. DO NOT LET HER ALONE WITH YOUR BABY AGAIN. God knows what she’s capable of. Cut her contact, supervise any time with baby, if she crosses any lines, further restrict contact. If family get unpleasant, restrict their contact too. You need to start acting more like baby’s mummy here. Oh and get DH on board - he’s sounds a bit wet tbh.

P.S. this is really tough and I do not envy your position at all. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Wow when I read the title of your post, I thought, get a grip, you can’t have too many people to love your children. BUT then I read the post, OMG she is really not right in the head, I don’t care what other family members say, this is not normal behaviour and it sounds quite dangerous that she is interfering in others looking after your daughter but especially her reaction to your relationship with your child. Keep her away as much as possible because it sounds like it will get worse and worse. 😱

One phrase said seriously to respond to her comments - “That’s not appropriate”.

Do not validate her in any way by pandering to any of her demands/expectations.

Be a united front with your husband.

As I'm sitting here looking at my 1 year old girl, I'm feeling really uncomfortable and quite alarmed at the thought of someone saying those things about her. I'd be cutting contact with the strange cousin, and I couldn't care less if no one spoke to me again. Our job as parents is to protect our children, not please other people. I'd be worried she would abduct her, honestly 🙈 the whole thing just sets alarm bells ringing for me. Put your foot down and set some boundaries. This is your child and someone has said she will be hers when you die 😱😱 that's not OK!

I agree with other comments that your dh has to stand up to his family. Your views about your child is paramount, not your MIL, FIL or cousin. Keep them at arms length until you have some agreement.

oh my god that kind of behaviour is absolutely not ok. Honestly I wouldn't know what to do in this situation either, but I do think you have to do something. It sounds like she's basically convinced herself that she's your child's mother. Get your kid away from her asap, that kind of behaviour is weird and not ok.

Is she someone who has lost a baby? Yes she definitely has an unhealthy obsession with your child. I’d be scared thinking soap drama storylines here. Maybe she should get one of those reborn dolls

I would say “you’re being to clingy, I don’t think it’s healthy”.

This is off the scale not right. When I was young I watched several of my cousins kids regularly. I loved them dearly and looked after them (from young babies) like they were my own and showered them with love as is the way in our large family, but never once thought they were mine or should be mine. I would certainly never have tried to influence their upbringing in the way she is interfering. I followed their parents rules as best as I could, sometimes obviously you have to deviate in the child's best interest at the time. She sounds like an absolute fruit loop. I would be very, very wary of her bonkers behaviour. I'm puzzled why nobody else is seeing it! They must be as batshit as her. Having someone in the family to look after your child instead of a stranger should be an absolute relief and something you don't need to worry about, not this. Try working on an exit plan to her looking after your precious wee girl.