To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

I basically got bullied about my hair my whole life. If it wasn't my hair, it's comments on how I should try fake tan because I'm so pale
Messy, unprofessional, frizzy, "why don't you try straightening it", comments about how I should colour it and on and on
It's usually a bit less styled but this is after a cut

Right but it still has to look amazing. I’m in those communities and they are great for looking after curly hair. The standard is so high though, and the level of work required to reach it.

Most people have average hair. Not awesome coils and curls and ringlets, but beach waves and straight bits and fluffy bits. Shaggy hair.

The expectation seems to be that hair look groomed. My hair looks different every day. It never looks groomed. It feels as though smart or professional now requires highly groomed hair.

What an inexplicably odd thing to say!
Does it rattle you to hear a woman describe herself in 'positive' terms, with words that don't denigrate?

I have an image of myself now, coyly traipsing around town in a flirty manner, swinging around lamp posts, singing aloud of my rare, ethereal beauty

Your hair is gorgeous!

Stuff I've seen on MN describing curly or wavy hair:

. It's ugly
.It's unprofessional
.It's horrible compared to straight hair
.Men don't like it
.Bird's nest
.It can never look neat
.It's hard work
.It needs 'help'
.It deserves sympathy it's so awful

People encourage women to fry, over process and shave their heads to get rid of such 'horrible' hair. Most curly women describe their hair in a negative way. A thread on here this morning even stated that throughout history no one preferred curly hair to staight.

It should not be a competition or a division. It's just fucking fashion. Someone would have to be blind to have not noticed love for curls and waves throughout our long, long history. It's in paintings, culture, globally, as far back as you wish to go.
I also agree with a PP who mentioned black/afro hair, what the hell kind of message does this send?

I think fashion is fickle, and like someone said on another thread, many women will convince themselves that fashion is fact, that conforming to trends is their own personal preference. It would not take very long for people to spend thousands trying to curl their hair if they were given the green light to do so. It would happen literally overnight if the trends shifted enough. Then we'd have posts all over style&beauty bemoaning flat, straight hair.

It amuses me that in the fashion world curls and waves are cherished, but only if you start straight and stick some heated barrels in it.

To be fair, I don't think zingally has made an "inexplicably odd" post.
You asked if you were BU to feel sad about comments on your hair.
However, you later say I've never had mine insulted, apart from those two recentish comments. You mention men giving you glances, somebody stopping you in a supermarket saying they want a wig that looks like your hair, a guy not given to compliments telling you you look amazing...
You don't sound like someone "sad" about comments on your hair at all. You're actually now sounding like someone fishing for compliments about your hair and getting a bit aggressive if people say, "Meh! It's fine; it's just hair".
The language you've used: gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal sounds a bit OTT to me as well for what looks like normal fine, curly hair.
I'm not "rattled" by someone describing their wispy hair in "positive terms' either.

Look, you seem to love your hair and that’s all that matters so stop looking for validation from others

Someone got out of bed the wrong side, bloody hell.

The comments made me feel perhaps my hair was a bit crap and I might be deluding myself. I am also pretty happy with it. Both can exist at the same time. I am still getting used to my hair. But no, no one has outright insulted it.

My comments about gossamer and fairytales really pissed a few off. Would it be better if I described it as cobwebby and frizzy?

I think it it you who primarily thinks it’s cobwebby and frizzy but you are looking for posters to convince you it isn’t,

I think you are getting a hard time on here @kindlypudding when someone comments on your appearance it makes you feel like you've done something wrong and it's hard to move on without questioning yourself.

Well for the record, I hated my hair for most of my life and have felt pretty ugly. Since embracing it I've noticed a lot of women put their natural hair down, so I wanted to find some descriptions that were positive instead of negative.
I chose those words (fairytale, etc) because I was trying to change that record. It by no means implies i think i am pretty or like a storybook heroine. I think that's been twisted a bit sadly.

Some might be relieved to hear, my post got out onto the interwebz and a good amount of people (off site) have put me back in to my rightful place as having thoroughly shit hair.

Are you just fishing for compliments or something @kindlypudding ?

There is clearly absolutely nothing wrong with your hair. (Judging by the one photo you have posted!) Do people really constantly comment on it, and insult it?! Really?

Stuff I've seen on MN describing curly or wavy hair:

It's ugly
.It's unprofessional
.It's horrible compared to straight hair
.Men don't like it
.Bird's nest
.It can never look neat
.It's hard work
.It needs 'help'
.It deserves sympathy it's so awful

I have literally never seen anyone say ANY of the above!

Look, you should have known that if you put a image of yourself up on MN that you were going to get some nasty comments…. It always happens

What did you think would happen

@kindlypudding

A lady in Booths stopped me when I was in the mirror in the toilets, said she was astonished with my hair and would pay me to make it into a wig for her. I had to laugh but it cheered me up!

I did see a very vitroilic post by a mum about her DDs 'horrible' curly hair.

In the real world, Michelle Obama and other black women have to wear their hair relaxed in office. Now she has it natural.

I go to a special Asian hairdresser because otherwise hairdresswrs are always trying to straighten my very thick wavy hair.

*Vitriolic.

@kindlypudding it's horrible that your thread has been picked up elsewhere. Sadly, that's how the internet works - it can feel like a private conversation but it really isn't.
I was one poster who said I thought your descriptions of your hair were "OTT". I wasn't "pissed off" or had "got out of bed on the wrong side", I just thought it was a bit extravagant for a description of what looks to me like...well, hair.
Try looking back at your posts. I think you'll find that the title "Am I Being Unreasonable to feel sad about comments on my hair?" doesn't at all make sense when allied to all the posts you've made saying how many people have complimented your hair and only 2 haven't liked it.
And I disagree with the PP who said you've had a hard time. You've been smothered in positive strokes until you were recently told that...weeell...it's just ordinary hair. And your description of it is a bit overblown.
Then you got annoyed.

Where else has this thread been picked up? Daily Fail? The Sun? I haven't seen it anywhere else.

Don't forget your crown of flowers and rosebud lips 😂
i recently had a fringe cut in and was straightening it sometimes, met a neighbour in the vets and they completely blanked me, when I prodded him he said ffs I didn't recognise you without all that hair haha. X

I've seen posters calling curly hair unprofessional and that it doesn't look neat. I have curly hair and straighten it, not for any of the reasons above, just because I hate all the product I need to use. Obviously I'm only speaking for myself but I do find it hard work.

I've no idea.
The OP said, in a post above mine at 12:52, that:
Some might be relieved to hear, my post got out onto the interwebz and a good amount of people (off site) have put me back in to my rightful place as having thoroughly shit hair.
Ask her where it is. I was just being sympathetic.

MN reddit perhaps? I wouldn't worry about that sad bunch.

I'm not too fussed about internet criticism, but I did used to know a local band called Rosebud Lips

I think the curly hair lauded everywhere is " done" curly hair, often with tongs and hours of styling. Real curly or wavy hair is messy and uneven.

I have always had curly hair and it is indeed very hard work and even after putting a lot of work into it it never stays looking good for very long, everything from humidity to wind makes it look unkempt? It also breaks very easily so if you try and straighten it to often it destroys it
I really think it even has a negative impact on my MH which I think many people would find a strange thing to say