To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

I also leave my hair exactly how it is. Only shampoo and conditioner go on it. Nothing else, no heating, no styling, nothing. More people should do it. Cheaper and nicer. Your hair looks great OP.

Beautiful ❤️
I had fine same colour as you hair, but not wavy, poker straight, that was constantly knotting and like a ball of candyfloss,l it never grew either so I dreadlocked it almost 12 years ago and now it's past my bum. Yours truly is lovely though and your friends need to pipe down!

I think it is a thing of beauty. I used to love Nicole Kidman’s head of curls and the red colour. Now its icy blonde and mostly straight and it doesn’t suit her half as much.
I used to have dark auburn hair that’s quite curly.
It is now nearly grey. I’m starting to look like Miriam Margolyes 😂
Your hair is your hair and actually preserving its natural state is much better for it.
You enjoy it. I thought well that’s Kim Basinger hair.
Gorgeous!

You like your hair, wear it how you like. Comments about sorting your hair out should be met with a "fuck off."

Fuck off is a full sentence.

I have exactly the same hair as you and honestly I don’t have the time or inclination anymore to spend hours on it to make it straight or curly. On occasion I’ll straighten but most of the time I leave it natural.

Wavy hair is the worst hair type as people assume you have curly hair when you don’t (it is a completely different texture) and so can be critical you aren’t looking after your non existent curls and frizziness is frustrating that anytime you go out your hair looks like a cat’s tail puffed out!

but honestly I have stopped caring if it doesn’t look as polished as it used to. I like my hair and your hair looks just fine. If it is flat I’d use some texture spray (which really works) to give some lift.

Hi mine is exactly the same but near waist length. Unless you curling tong it, it will always have that bit in-between straight and curly look making it slightly untidy looking. I generally tie mine back unless I'm going out and then I will tong it.
Anyway you're not alone. Embrace your curls and ignore the comments. All that matters is your happy x

Here you go.

It looks lovely.

The problem is, so many women have unnatural looking hair it's become the norm!

You need new friends, not new hair!

Mines the same, spent years straightening etc to conform 🤔 I eventually let it do its thing and go wild and a 'friend' said no one likes curly hair. A few weeks later she was wearing waves! Glad you love your hair.

Omg, your hair is completely normal, common, nice hair. Tell them to fuck off.

Women are told from when they young that that whatever their natural hair is, it isn't right. So here is a ton of expensive and time consuming things you must do to make it palatable to others. It's exhausting. Your hair looks lovely and healthy. If you want to embrace your waves more, a lightweight curl cream or mousse is really good to define waves and stop humidity poof.

I love natural and free… natural hair; natural face; natural lips; natural smile lines. I think so much of what we see is pumped up lips; straightened hair; smoothed out foreheads, that it’s actually challenging for people to see others let loose and be natural. They want to keep you in your straightened hair box. Relish those curls and be free!

I would love hair like yours!! It’s so beautiful.
it really upsets me that we’ve been conditioned to see straightened hair as the norm and any natural looking hair people see as unkempt.
perhaps your hair change might give your friends a bit of confidence to do something different with their hair!

Your friends are jealous.

Your hair is nice but even if it wasn't they shouldn't be commenting like that!

Thanks everyone, I do believe we have to stick to what feels right. Even if it's off trend!

Funny cos when I was a teenager people were wowed by my natural hair and used to try to touch it. Hairdressers told me never to change it because people would pay thousands for it.
And then the ironed look came in.

It is drier than the photo shows, but ok, it is also bigger in volume but couldn't get a better pic until daylight. I think hair is either glossy or textured. Neither is 'bad', just different.
You see many people wanting 'textured' hair but when met with the real deal.....

I think people have forgotten how to flow with hair that isn't straight. It's made out to be difficult but I find it easy, funnily enough. Very easy to deal with now.

I have very wavy hair - like your wave pattern, but thicker, longer and dark brown - and am used to the occasional negative comment or assumption I would prefer straight hair (hairdressers always think I’m looking for a smooth blow out).

I think people can tell it’s natural and they think it’s ‘undone’, especially if they’re used to straightened, glossy, glam hair being everywhere/the beauty norm.

I also get compliments.I think it’s just a preference.

(Your hair looks gorgeous btw!)

So long as you like it then I wouldn't give a stuff about what anyone else thinks.

One thing to bear in mind is that wavy/gentle curl people (myself included) need more moisture than most straight haired people, yet curl products are often too heavy and make our hair look lank. I've recently been using the Merwave products and really like them.

But other than that - do whatever makes you happy. Your hair looks good to me (not that it matters).

Do what makes you happy! I think it's lovely. I'd dyed my naturally Red hair box dye black or brown from the ages of 13 to 24, and it was always dead and stuck at shoulder length. Finally I decided to have it stripped and started to embrace my natural colour about 6 years ago and my hair did wonders! It's long and healthy now and I actually love my Red hair. Can't believe I spent years trying to hide it!

Don't listen to the nay sayers, people will be people after all.

My hair is like yours and I do still straighten mine - I personally think my hair looks a bit scruffy and scraggly if I leave it natural (yours looks great though!). I feel much more polished with straight shiny hair. I guess if you had ‘neater’ straight hair for decades then it’s a very different look you are going for now and your friends are (rudely) taken aback but should keep their comments to themselves as anything should go these days in terms of personal appearance!

This is exactly my experience of having curly hair. It makes me a bit sad when people compliment it only when I have straightened it which I don't do very often. I think most people see natural curls as a bit scruffy/unruly and it looks less 'styled' I guess. But I really like it curly, and it's much healthier for my hair. And everyone else can fuck off a bit.

My hair is very similar to yours. I don’t give a flying fuck any more but I used to feel like you do about similar comments - everyone commented how nice it looked if I’d straightened it. A few years ago, 2 friends were chatting (in front of me) and one asked the other if she’d ever grown her hair and she said, “yes but there’s no point as it just ends up looking like strumpetpumpet’s” 😬

A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad permAnother friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Did your hair previously look more like their hair?

Never underestimate how much people get freaked out by change. They may just want you to look like the image in their head.

So my whole life I have straightened my naturally curly hair, relaxers everything! Last couple of months I've just let it do it's natural curls and helped it along with products, had all sorts of weird comments as I'm mixed race it's very obviously more curly than standard, folks seem to think bigger or more naturally hair is messy/not as nice, it's totally crap and your hair is gorgeous

The world is awful about natural hair texture at the moment.

The industry has brainwashed everyone to think they need irons, curlers, sprays, oils…

And everyone looks the same.

I actually meant to add to my prior post that my mum and grandma tried to talk me out of it, my mums always been funny about my red hair for some reason, she's never liked it and was the one who first dyed my hair black. But it's been so long now they don't even remember it being black now, all that to say people will get used to it and stop mentioning it with time, just stand your ground and don't give into it if it's what you want to do