To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

I think I come under the category of "older woman"...

I used to like my hair straightened, but didn't do it too much, as I was wary of heat damage.... I did use heat protection products.

I've not straightened my hair for at least eight years, and I've embraced my hair texture, and even encouraged the curls by rag rolls etc....

According to "what I'm meant to do, at my age" my nearly waist length hair is pretty much a no-no.

However, since I retired (early through ill health) and no longer have to be in an environment of (mostly) women, I feel less judged, and less inclined to care about who thinks what, about my hair, my fashion choices, my lifestyle....

I so wish I had woken up earlier in my life, and not to be a "baaaaaa" sheep!

The freedom I feel now from being at ease with my own choices, is great.

OP, you do sound pretty confident, so capitalise on that, let the judges judge, and when "they" don't get a reaction from you, they'll get bored and move on to the next person or people.... pretty much what my mother used to advise me to do in the days when I was a kid in the school playground.... shame on those who never grew up to be kind mindful people.

Do you keep it trimmed to keep the ends good? That’s all I can think of to explain why people comment (which is rude!)

The Charlotte Mensah products are good for lovely condition. I stumbled across them by chance. I have long white hair and it’s actually shiny.

It's lovely. I have v long neither-curly-nor-straight hair which my (much younger) sisters are always hinting I should cut. People are weird and obsessed with straight hair. Mine is soft and thickish and wavy, maybe I look like a witch but I'm okay with that.

Some people think others look odd if they don't share their hyper-groomed look. I dgaf.

It's beautiful! I have the same hair different colour and have had similar comments. I come from a culture (European country) where women are coiffed and primped and preened and when I return they can't believe my audacity at not subjecting myself to hot blow drys and straightenings, etc YET my bf is bald and nobody says anything about that. It's sad how some societies are conditioned to believing that women should go out of their way to look like some standard template.

Loving this thread and everyone's beautiful waves. 😍

Block it out. Your hair is gorgeous. And I mean that - like others I was worried it wouldn’t be, but it is. People just suck and say stupid things sometimes.

Your hair is lovely, op.

Women are being increasingly pressured to fit into just one mould of "beauty". It is just another subtle attack on women. Even on this thread people have alluded in a derogatory way to afro hair. I wonder what those with beautiful afro hair make of that? It is so important that we fight this. We're not Stepford robots. We each need to value our unique beauty.

Jealousy

I think your hair is beautiful OP!

Edit to add I think you're really lucky that this is your hair completely natural and you don't have to do anything to get it like that. And it's also great that you love it so much too. I don't understand the negative comments you've received on it at all!

The way you described your hair ( along with what your friends said) I was thinking a scarecrow kind of look.
Your hair is lovely op. It absolutely doesn’t look like a bad perm at all!
just ignore these comments. Or respond by simply saying ‘I’m embracing my natural hair, thanks though :)’ then change the subject.

There is nothing wrong with your hair - only your friends.

Love that you are embracing the natural look and you are so happy with it. That's all that matters. I think it looks great - soft and waves are interesting.

I have wavy hair and honestly it looks different every day - often weather dependent. I used to straighten it a lot but it did so much damage I just don't bother. And I feel so much better and relaxed for it. But I do get comments - for example I often leave the house with damp/wet hair as if I use any heat it turns into a giant fluffy ball. I get a million questions and interrogation on why I don't dry it. Or why don't I straighten it. Have I always had wavy hair - and on it goes!

I still think that there is an expectation in the workplace that women should have perfectly styled hair with no strand out of place.

Embrace the natural look and ignore your friends.

I love it. It's your hair so who cares what others think? Even if it looked bad to others( it dosn't) then who cares as long as you are happy? People are rude.

Its beautiful hair. Keep the hair and maybe get some more natural friends. My friends would never even think to judge someone's hair either way

I'm not sure that your photo gives anything like the true picture. Is there an element missing? It looks entirely ordinary to me, so what is it that people are commenting on, either critically or complimentary that makes it something unusual?

Do you have a better picture?

I think your hair is beautiful, but can understand why you feel sad if you like it and others have an issue (which is actually quite strange, when you really think about it!). But it’s still their issue, not yours.

Been pondering this and I think it's the change that your (very inept) friends are responding to. As I say mine is like yours but curlier - if I straighten. It people make derogatory comments. My dad outright tells me he hates it and it 'isn't me'. I reckon they will just gets used to it. It's beautiful

That is gorgeous!

Keep the hair and change the friends?

I genuinely love it OP. It's not what I was expecting for your description, be kind to yourself!! You're blessed with lovely natural hair that really flatters your face. Embrace it!!

I agree.

The context was I had had an operation - privately - and there were complications. So when I asked for medical records for something else a few years later, I got the notes and in one follow up appointment where they were worried about me it was along the lines of 'pale, listless, limited movement, clearly in pain - appears low mood, dressed presentably but hair very dishevelled, wild and unkempt.' I imagine they were maybe worried about my mental health due to the pain and complications I was having but when I read it, a few years later, me and my loved ones did laugh. Cos now apparently having curly hair is a sign you are mentally unwell?

I also remember when I was in my 20s (Im 50 now), and I was quite senior in PR my boss told me to straighten my hair because it wasn't professional. I was shocked but I did it. Now Id tell them to go fuck themselves.

If you like it then sod the rest of them.

It looks like completely normal mid-length fine wavy hair.

But... Are you going around using words like "ethereal" and "fairy-tale like" in real life, to people? To describe very normal, average hair? I can a little bit picture you walking around, flipping your hair and trying to catch people's eye in a "look at my gossamer hair!" way.
It's a little bit pretentious. Your hair is fine, do what you like with it.

I've got a mix of wavy/curly hair and haven't found this to be true at all...there are whole communities dedicated to curly hair and a plethora of products on the market for us....very different to when I was a teen in the 90s.

I have big huge Hermione Granger hair with a bit of Shirley Temple ringlets thrown in for good measure.

Old ladies love my hair and are always complimenting it. Younger people? Not so much. Been fighting comments all my life (cut it off, straighten it, restyle it, have you thought about.... etc).

My best response is always to give as good as I get nowadays. "Well Joan I'm sorry you don't like my hair but I'd rather have my hair than visit your hairdresser" and give them a sympathetic look.

Your hair looks OK to me.

I suspect your friends are maybe just surprised because it's a big change from the way you used to style it. If you were previously very, very wedded it to straightening it (especially if you ever mentioned that you didn't like it wavy or whatever) then maybe they think you've just given up on it, rather than that you've made a conscious decision to embrace your waves. So it's not really about how your hair looks, but more about what they think it means (if that makes sense)?

However, they've expressed that in a way that is, in my opinion, really fucking rude. Have none of your mates got any bloody manners?!

My hair is very similar, and I know what you mean about the frizz and poofiness! The side I sleep on always looks like a big ball of frizz in the morning so I always have to wet my hair down in the mornings, otherwise I look like Lizzie Dripping's sister.
One side of my hair is wavy, one side more curly but that is probably because I'm a compulsive hair twiddler and fiddle with the left hand side much more than the right, even though I'm right handed. When I wash my hair, I twist it into ringlets and let it dry, clip the fringe down and hope for the best. My girls think I'm living like the Flintstones, as I don't own a hair dryer!
Years ago I had blonde highlights (once) dyed it (once) cut short (once) and now it's just below shoulder length. I'm going to grow it and see how far it goes. Luckily, even though I'm in my 60's, I've not got a lot of grey, although there's a bit of a Mallen streak down one side, which I tell people is natural highlights.
My sister has hair as straight as a yard of pump-water, she spends a fortune having it permed.

Just washed hair twisted into ringlets. First one is the wavy side, second is the curly side. Fringe managed to escape the clips and is living its best life today!