To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

Yes, and it takes a lot of work and time to get that ‘done’ look which isn’t always feasible

Well mine looks fucking awful straightened nowadays, you can't win, maybe i should shave it all off I always wanted Louise Brooks hair when I was a teen.

I have to disagree though, I think a lot of natural waves and curls look great and I'm not a fan of the 'done' curls look. That pic of the instagram woman I posted pages back was natural, I really love that look.

We are all different, I prefer the outdoorsy, windswept vibe to the starlet look.

Maybe we've been taught to think it's hard?
I don't find mine hard work at all, but that might mean I look like a clown and don't know it! It's possible.

I honestly doubt that the hair on the woman in the instagram pic was ‘natural’, I definitely think that work went into even that, she has probably used the curly girl method and a lot of product, then maybe highlights and teasing of some parts

Well you could be right, it just looks pretty loose and left alone to me. Who knows.

I took these pics from a post I made a while ago asking about highlights. I didn't end up having any, but this is my hair semi straightened, the ends look very dry and it is very flat on top. It still manages to curl up! Prob more socially acceptable though!

I don't think it's the curls, I think it's that it's quite a girlish look for a 50 year old, the way you have it clipped back with the wisps at the front. I have similar hair, though wavy rather than curly, and wore it like that when I was about 19.

I'm in my 50s now and have it a similar length and colour to yours. I'd leave it wavy but it looks a bit messy, so do very roughly straighten it. I'd leave it in curls like yours though if I could. I'm fully aware that how I have it is quite young / not a 'done' look though (but don't care).

It just grows out of my head like this, not sure it can be young? The sides are shorter as they always snap, I can't really alter that. I usually wear it loose and pushed back, or in a knot/bun at the back.

How is a 50yr old supposed to wear it? It is clipped back at home in the photo to keep it out of my eyes. I was only trying to show the condition and curl pattern.

I like it in the pic where it is tied up
I have curly hair and have to say I always tie it up as otherwise it does look unkempt

The thing with curly hair is it's not predictable.

I can wake up looking like Hagrid or with a he's full of ringlets. The weather, how long from wash day, if I've been swimming/sleeping and a whole host of other things can affect how it looks.

It can be anything from milldly curly to mad curly hair- defined to frizzy or - my personal favourite - a mix of both. So for me and a lot of other curlies my hair looks different all the time. It was a lot of work for me when I cared about that - I had to spend a shit tonne of time and money to always have defined no frizz ringlets. Now I wash and leave it to dry naturally once a week, and in between it gets a splash of water in the morning. That's it! I accept this means it's a bit random what curl I get. It is what it is. I'm too old to care! lol

This is how I feel, and I have been happy not caring. I still have insecure moments though and wonder if it's a bit mad. The only bonus is that it's very easy to do, and it suits my face better than flat. My lengths always look dry

Looks like I shouldn't have conjured up some fancy words to describe the curls though, that seems to have put me in the doghouse! I felt they needed some kindness since I've loathed them for much of my life.

Fwiw I actually loved the way you described frizziness in such a positive way and I had always thought of it negatively. Like defined curls is always the goal but why should it be? You made me rethink.

I'm going to embrace it all now - the wavy bits, the frizz, the mad scarecrow bits and the defined ringlets - that seem to all coexist on the one head! lol.

I think all curly haired women feel your pain, i certainly do, curly hair can be very frustrating

I went through a phase where I wanted to reframe how I spoke to myself, as I was pretty down on myself. I looked for positive representations of curly hair, and found a lot in art, history and fiction. The words such as fairytale and gossamer were an attempt for me to look at it differently, in a more powerful light.

It has been taken as conceit. That's a shame. I think you often get a warmer response online if you put yourself down.

In real life it’s the same except people wouldn’t verbalise it

I was only trying to show the condition and curl pattern
May I ask how many more photos you feel you need to show us? 😕

It isn't exactly uncommon to post pics in a hair thread.
I wonder why it bothers you so much that you'd comment .

Seen threads like this before - you goad and insult the OP, who tries to remain polite. After a while she flips and tells you to just fuck off.
Then the OP is accused of aggression and being uptight.

It's predictable.

You're getting pelters today @kindlypudding ffs, if you don't want to see pics buzz off from the thread @JC03745
@bigkahunaburger I look at frizz as volume, hair is never the same each wash, straight or curly but definitely wavy curly. I'm laughing at the pp who says the style is too young fgs, I'm 53 this year and in the house clip it back like that, what are we meant to do? Get to a certain age and start getting a shampoo and set with the old rollers

Not really.

I just found it unusual to see such fanciful vocabulary used to describe something so ordinary.

I'm glad you like your hair, truly. But your posts on this thread are multiple and lengthy.

@kindlypudding

It has been taken as conceit. That's a shame. I think you often get a warmer response online if you put yourself down

I don't think that's true at all.
You titled this thread "AIBU to feel sad about comments on my hair" but then went on to describe your hair in glowing terms and gave examples of many people - other than two - saying how nice it is.
People are people and in real life or online they know if you're fishing for compliments.
You had many nice comments and told us all the lovely things people had said to you about your hair.
A couple of people here said your hair's okay but your language is a bit OTT and that's sent you into a spon.
If someone has actually approached you in a supermarket to say she's "astonished" by your hair and would pay for a wig the same, well! Take that on board.
Otherwise, nothing is ever going to be enough of a compliment to make you feel good.

I have very frizzy 2B/2C waves, and in the summer when I let it go completely natural, my friend calls me Simba! 😂 And someone at work said it looked like White Snake.

Just reading a hair thread where the OP posts over 8 photos on page 1. Nobody ripped her apart for it. Sometimes we want advice and people's thoughts, especially if we are a bit uncertain.

If I'm honest, many of the comments are quite unnecessary, I haven't insulted anyone, so it is beginning to look a bit shitty. I have explained why I chose the words I did, and that will have to suffice.

The 'lengthy posts' accusation is interesting considering the length of some of the posts having a pop at me. I get it, people are often pissed off or drunk online, you gotta take the rough with the smooth!

If your friends are rude enough to say you should do something about your hair, just reply 'Oh I will, right after you do something about your face'.

This. ^ I have to say OP, your hair is really not that unusual or special. It's not even that curly.

Mine is much curlier and wild than yours. No-one ever criticizes mine. I actually get compliments about it.

You're deluded.

You have really pretty hair,ignore the comments. As a long time hairdresser I know that it's you who have to deal with your hair and if you like it that's all that matters. There are lots of products around for your type of hair now,research and find what suits you.Also have baby trims regularly. Enjoy your hair.