To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

I can’t see anything wrong with it, it’s not particularly unusual or strange! However I’ve had shoulder length (straightened) dark brown hair. My stepfather once said ‘you’re not doing yourself any favours having your hair like that’!!! Others have said I have lovely hair! You can’t win and some people are just rude or jealous.

@JC03745 , thanks. I was amazed that it was available.

Not at all. Your hair is like mine but a nicer colour. I'd say my hair was a straggly mane but otherwise quite unremarkable. Mine is thicker than yours and less fluffy. I'd not describe it as curly but it is wavy. i'm quite happy with what I have, and I'm not the sort to start a thread about myself.

Your hair is great. Use a really good shampoo, give it a treatment every so often and enhance your curls.
I think that people are so used to over worked unnatural licks that they don't see the beauty
I hate getting mine cut as around here the hairdressers only do about 3 styles, non of which I want!!!

What a strange reply OP, to a comment I made to another poster about liking their username!
You clearly aren't even aware that you can't make up different user names on one thread! The system changes the username to the one you originally started it with or posted with! Not even sure who you were directing your comment at?

Rows and floes of angel hair …🎤🎼
it’s wavy it’s pretty , your “ friends “ are rude

🎶 But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way 🎵

Always look ahead when you quote.

Anyway, OP, leave 'em laughing when you go.

Your hair's a lot like mine and my story is very similar. My mum always said my natural hair looked a mess, so I also spent my whole life trying to make it something it wasn't. Even now she makes snide comments about how messy my hair is if I have it as I love it, natural waves that I apply a little oil to post-wash to increase shine and keep the frizz down. She likes it 'properly' brushed, but I think it looks like a frizzy mess like that and always have. Guess I was always a people-pleaser.

In the last 2-3 years I stopped brushing it, just use a wide tooth comb to preserve the waves, and so many people have complimented my hair. Every time my dear mama bitches, I just tell her she had her way for long enough, now it's my turn to have it how I like it and if she can't say anything nice, she should keep schtum. It's quite freeing!

I'd be tempted to do similar to what others have suggested above: if 'friends' comment negatively, I'd act surprised and say something along the lines of , 'I love how my hair looks now I leave it natural, it's much healthier and softer, so I find your comment a bit weird. Did you say that to hurt/ upset/ insult me?' It gives your own opinion as the important one but also gives them the opportunity to clarify or apologise.

Enjoy your beautiful, natural hair, OP!

If many of my friends were making the comments your friends are making, I'd think that just maybe they might be right.

There are some beautiful hair pictures on this thread. Thanks for that OP. Feels nice to be amongst like minded individuals. I’ve just taken this pic. Sorry about the microwave cleaner lady but I didn’t want to subject anyone to my face! I’m 59, going very grey. But not cutting it for anyone!

I agree.

I always wonder with threads like these - are the pictures people are posting actually them or are they posting pictures of someone they know and maybe don’t like, knowing that person’s looks will get absolutely ripped to shreds on mumsnet ( especially by using ott language that some will interpret as boastful ).

I have! But admittedly they have generally been drunk, street drinkers or possibly otherwise not in a good state.

A man at Waterloo station in about 1995 once started telling me that I looked just like Helena Bonham Carter (my hair was darker back then) and I was rather flattered as she was at her peak at the time. But that compliment has never been repeated! 😂

Also rather telling that the own OP's posts have been deleted my MNHQ! 😮

No, why would someone do such a thing?
I posted a picture of my own hair upthread, to support the OP who was getting some snarky comments. It’s my own hair and I like it! The positive reactions I have received also suggest that others do too.

My hair isn’t everyone’s preference, but what people also forget is that curly hair is actually quite difficult to change without chemical processing. Straight hair doesn’t willingly ‘hold curl’ and, in just the same way, curly hair doesn’t willingly ‘hold straight.’ I do sometimes straighten my hair but any kind of humidity will see the curls and body return.

To clarify, I don’t think the people like you who are posting photos of themselves in support of the OP are doing that. I mean the OPs who start posts like this, including the “how old do you think I look” threads. There’s something strange and not very genuine about them. As to why anyone would do something like that, there are all sorts of people on the internet.

Absolutely

I never thought of it like that, wow 😳

I love curly hair and encourage anyone with it to show it off! Im similar to you. Straightened it for years and then over covid, started experimenting. Im in between at the moment. Will wear curly sometimes but mostly straight. Have you thought about looking for a curl specialist hair dresser near you who can help cut it so it enhances your curls?

That is indeed odd. In fact no posts on here from the OP in 2 days now.

I agree with previous posters that it's weird to post photos of yourself on here and ask for opinions.... Or to show your hair. Even if your face is covered/you can't see your hair it's weird. It's weirdly attention-seeking and needy.

And then trying to make out there were lots of positive 'reaction emojis,' because no-one actually commented to compliment your hair. 😬

#awkward 😂

😂

Noooo! I commented that I thought her hair was nice and went on to describe my own. Have i fallen for an under bridge
Dweller

Oh yikes!

I was wondering if the OP was a Trichophiliac (don't google if you're eating) 😩