To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

Forgot to say, my hairdresser is always telling me how most women wish they had hair like mine, and even though I have a pixie cut you can still tell that it isn't straight hair.

Your name has made my day alone 😂

OP you have lovely hair. Lots of soft fluffy cues in our family. Even our DS is embracing his curls. Go for what suits you

I have hair like yours. I’m beginning to love it again after years of trying to make it be something else.

I went to a party before Christmas with it in its full wavy and curly glory. It’s a hugely different look for me and not one person said a word.

I felt beautiful though and attributed the silence to envy 😀

@NattyTurtle59
I too just wash and go now, sometimes rub a bit of cream into the ends. I don't like products as they make it frizzier or heavy.
It is so easy to maintain, and I had never believed it could be.

I do think that a lot of the curly community make it seem like such hard work. I think they prefer the micro-management to a degree, which is fine of course, but I can't be arsed with the faff.

Don't know if any of you have heard of Athena Mellor, she has an instagram (influencer) called ramble family. My hair is like hers but a bit curlier, and I too am outdoorsy so it feels just right for me. I can't do maintenance, but I do like a bit of subtle makeup. A pic:

I don't think curly girl method is really suitable for wavy hair like the OP's (and mine) - washing with conditioner and using leave in conditioner is very likely to be too moisturising and leave wavy hair over moisturised which will make it limp and less able to hold a wave. If I were the OP I'd carry on doing exactly as she is as her hair is beautiful.

If you love it, obviously, go with it. I'm a big fan of curls and it does look nice in the photo. Given how many friends have commented, I'm wondering if perhaps the style or length doesn't suit you. I'm assuming these people aren't saying it to be unkind because why would you be friends with unkind people.

I'm honestly not sure. I think the one who said get it cut likes short hair herself so can't see why I'd grow it! I also think that people associate the fluffiness with 'split ends' so will suggest cutting.
I can see the beauty in a shorter cut but since I've never had it long and curly since my teens I want to see what it gets like, iyswim?

In all honesty the silences are the worst. I always feel that if people see a big change and don't comment at all, they must think it's dreadful, lol.

Come to think of it, one guy we know who never compliments anyone said OMG you look amazing lately to me last week. Maybe there's hope!

You have similar hair to me OP - if I straighten it is doesn't look great and I have little bits that don't lie flat. I am much happier when I just wash and leave it but sadly cut it so short recently that my hair now looks bad if I don't do it.
Edited to add - when I say short I mean shoulder length.

@RichardMarxisinnocent , I agree, because I have similar hair, and what works for me is using a regular (own-brand or whatever) shampoo followed by a moisturising conditioner.

Your hair is beautiful. I have textured hair, wavy but can have the odd spiral. Do not let anyone categorise your hair as in oh its barely a 2a or tell you what methods to use for your hair. Ive been there and a lot of things that are recommended don't work for my hair.
Keep natural and your friends are not being friends, they are being very rude.

I agree about the curly community making it hard work. I read the original book and the idea was that you chucked out all the products you had and just went with a basic few, but somehow it has been hijacked and people spend a lot of time, and use a lot of products, which wasn't how it started. I simply couldn't be bothered with the complicated routines many have, and when my hair was a bit longer I just used a little bit of gel. Washing with conditioner was only ever for people with curls, not waves.

Mine too. I don't love it but it's mine and requires very little maintenance.
There was that time I dyed it pink... that was an error!

Your hair is lovely, I suspect friends are jealous.

From your description and picture, I have similar hair (although I'm a bit thin on top, so it's significantly more straggly, and nearly black) I think that wispy, gently curly look is beautiful, and I happily have my hair like that. I think it doesn't always match a professional look, so sometimes my London friends are less impressed. I like how I look (although do need to sort the thinning problem...)

Your hair is beautiful,
mine is similar ( not so long though) and helps to have a couple of inches off to keep it fairly fabulous

Crikey! I am looking for a new job soon so they will have to deal with my chic chignon

You seem to have sussed out what you like, you need a comeback to unhelpful comments received , even if it's 'yes, this is what my hair is like'. I was expecting a bit more of a dramatic look from what you described. I would take a couple or 3 of inches off but you are happy with it and that's fine.

My hair is really thick, very long and curly/wavy and I get similar comments from people about whether I've thought about getting it "thinned" out or going overboard on telling me how great it looks on the rare occasions when I straighten it.

I am reassured when I go to the hairdresser and he raves about what great condition it's in.

If you're happy with your hair, what does it matter what anyone else thinks? From your photo, it looks really nice hair. Have it however pleases you, not anyone else.

There rude and I would say to them - how rude they are being. My hair is curly and haven't had anyone say anything but my friend let hers go grey and loads of people feel they can comment rudely about it.

From your description for some reason I was expecting a Crystal Tips (and Alistair) hair do. I think it’s lovely, reminds me of Stevie Nicks’s hair (big fan).

I have hair like this (but dark) and I was bullied viciously all through school for it. In my teen years and as an adult, pretty much every woman (never men) tried to give me "tips" to "fix" it like really stupid tips, like "have you tried Pantene?" It's left me with very low self esteem so thank you for this lovely thread OP and being so brave to post, and thank you to all the lovely posters who think this type of hair is lovely. 💖

My natural hair is very similar to this. I think if you’ve always been one to style it differently etc then you’ll get push back because a) people can be arseholes that don’t like change and b) it’s perceived as giving up if you’ve always been one to spend hours doing your hair etc. One of my closest (now ex) friends saw me with my hair at its curliest and laughed and said my hair looked like a load of pubes. 😳 Absolutely vile of course but it’s stuck with me.

It would be an absolute crime to iron your hair. I am tired of the way everyone has to look the same these days.

I have wavy/curly hair too. But not a nice even wave like yours. Still, I don't straighten it to look more done or polished. I like it more or less natural.