To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

Your hair is lovely! I wish mine did that naturally.

Your hair, your choice @kindlypudding maybe new friends not new hair? I wouldn’t say the things some have said to you, to people I don’t like, never mind friends? Cheeky sods.

I like natural hair. Don't be sad about your friend's comments, they just aren't into a natural look which is a shame. I think the beauty industry is toxic and a lot of people buy into which looks people should follow. I am not into trends, I always hated the ironed straight hair look of the early 2000s I think it was. I'm hoping for individuality to come back because it seems to be lacking. Rock your look and your curls, they are lovely.

Someone asked my age, I am 50.

I never see curly or way hair as messy strangely enough, it reminds me of pre raphaelite painting, art museums, orchestra's, for some reason, possibly academic?
I'm not mad about the clean/neat look as I love the outdoors and climbing hills. I see tons of younger women and men with wild hair now so maybe it's a middle aged thing?

Strangely i have had more glances form men since going natural.

You have the hair I have wished for all my life!

My daughter has lovely loose curls, that she used to straighten and now wants curlier, how fashions change. She does use the curly girl method.

If you would like some inspiration and tips and to see what you could do with your hair if you fancy something different than look up nualamoreysalon on instagram. She is a specialist in curly hair, and does some amazing cuts and colours.

Your hair looks lovely and if you are happy with it, why worry?

It looks lovely! I have wavy hair too so this comment comes from a place experience. You could do with a trim to even up the ends and a regular mask to get the condition back into it.

It is beautiful though - I spend a lot of time and money trying to get a colour like yours x

Your hair is lovely OP. I have wavy/curly hair which also can be a bit poofy and gossamer, although it isn't fine, and I've never straightened it and it is very short at the moment. I do literally nothing to it, just wash, condition, and go.

However my experience is very different to yours, and people are always telling me how lucky I am to have hair with a bit of a curl. I would ignore all the unpleasant comments and just be happy with your hair. I can't imagine what makes people think they have the right to be so judgemental - maybe they are secretly jealous? The only thing that matters is what YOU think, so enjoy your lovely hair.

That’s rude. I would love curly hair or even just a slight wave !

Oh my god, your hair is just stunning - it's honestly my dream hair! I'd be doing a side eye and a 'bit rude?!?' If anyone decided to make uninvited comments on my hair - and mine is legitimately damaged and frizzy!

It’s beautiful. Unfortunately we live in a society that holds very old fashioned and unrealistic beauty standards, including that hair should be straight to be attractive or seen as “neat”.
It is changing thankfully, but it’s because people feel more empowered to go against the grain.
As much as I hate to say it, women are the worst at policing other women’s hair. Every rude or unkind comment I’ve had about my hair has been from another woman.
My personal favourite is “do you ever straighten your hair?”
I now respond “erm… no, hun. Do you ever curl yours? It would really freshen you up.”

As for people being 'jealous' i strongly doubt it. Most of the people I know who have commented are a good bit older than me, and have very short, natural hair. Maybe they prefer neat and short on older women, it's a possibility. And it's fair enough.

A lady in Booths stopped me when I was in the mirror in the toilets, said she was astonished with my hair and would pay me to make it into a wig for her. I had to laugh but it cheered me up!

Looks lovely! I have very straight hair, so always jealous of curls.

I wish I could do that, I look like Crystal Tipps on a bad hair day if I just leave mine! I've started having keratin treatment which helps but I still have to blow dry it. I'd let it go curly if I could find a product that didn't make it sticky or crispy.

Curly girl method is your friend Op. wash with conditioner, leave conditioner in. Brush only when wet. Use a mousse / a gel/ a curl cream. Leave to air dry or diffuse . Use a satin pillow. You have good curls !

It's lovely OP! I wouldn't even consider it all that poofy. Don't know what weirdos you know who would think this needs changing in any way.

Your hair is lovely, ignore them.

I think your hair is stunningly beautiful. I’m so pleased you grew out whatever your mum’s insecurities were and embraced your beautiful authentic self.

Also your post is making me think how as parents we can often project our own shit onto our kids… I am even more determined to let me DD be who she is and let her know that she is perfect just as she is.

Thank you

The pp who described it as romantic hair - that's perfect. I've never had curly hair, always a little bit wavy but that dropped after pregnancy. Now it's got more wave again but it waves in odd directions and the underneath (sort of from ear to ear) is completely straight. I've had it cut to my jaw and just let it do what it wants! I love it, it feels a bit fun and I like how it bounces around. I often spray in a but if leave in conditioner. I'm not sure my friends would ever comment negatively on it, I can see why you are a bit hurt by that.

I have similar hair and also leave it natural now, mainly due to lack of time. I do think mine looks best when blow dried and straightened but my husband prefers it natural.

whenever I do straighten it people ALWAYS ask if I’ve been to the hairdresser. Which makes me realise it looks better straight.

There's a lyric in a Leonard Cohen song, "Your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm" which I always loved. I've spent my life brushing mine smooth and during lockdown, stopped. Turns out I have that golden storm, and it looks like you do, too!

Well I think it's lovely! I've real envy of anything that isn't poker straight cos that's what I've got & you can't do shit with it & it has no character. I can wear it down for two days max before I start bottling the oil for sale to anyone with a deep-fat fryer.

Yours has character in spades, I love it & think you very lucky.

Also - ppl are wankers, ignore them

It's like my hair but I'm mousy. Never straightened it but it's been suggested, as has 'a nice bob' and highlights. No chance.

I was expecting to see frizz. Not so! What is wrong with your hair? Mine is similar and yes I've always wanted flat straight hair but I've learnt life is a lot simpler it you go with your natural hair..Just bit of serum and conditioner but honestly I can't see anything wrong with your hair. People are too critical..x

I think people just got used to see you with your other style; they will soon get used to your new looks and start complimenting on it. It happened to a few friends.

The photo doesn’t show everything but it looks good. Just ensure you are having regular cuts, treatment, taking vitamins, eg vitamin D to keep it healthy