To feel sad about comments on my hair?

[kindlypudding]

I know it's a first world problem, I know. There are people with so many issues that this seems daft, but here we are.

I have naturally very wavy hair, mixed with soft curls, that has a tendency to poof a bit. For decades I ironed it or blow dried, but in the past 2 yrs something has changed. I let it stay natural for a while during rough weather as got sick of fighting it and was absolutely shocked by how much my natural hair suited my face.
I suddenly adored it.
It took some time to repair, but started to grow and a lot of the frizz calmed down. I don't use a method, and don't wish to, but for the first time in my life I grew to love my natural texture and colour. However, by it's nature it is slightly drier and poofier than straight hair, I have the sort of hair that is very gossamer, fairytale-like, and fine, so it is a bit ethereal. This is good in some ways as it makes my face look softer, younger and nice, compared to the harsher effect of ironing it.

But since embracing it, I have had some odd comments that have left me a bit flat.
It's no one's job to lift me up, but I had honestly quit caring what anyone thought until this.
A few friends have either ignored it completely (and it is a very different look!) or asked if I should consider cutting it all off. One was surprised it was natural and asked had I had a bad perm . Another friend who I hadn't seen until recently said upon meeting me 'Awwww, we need to cheer you up and sort your hair out" (wtf)

Everywhere I go online everyone seems to want to get rid of hair like mine, so even though I have come to adore it, I am somewhat concerned that I am making an ass of myself. A few strangers out and about have actually complimented me, which really stood out!

And that's the mad bit, I really love it, I love the fluffy prettiness and how healthy it now is. It is sad that my natural texture is seen as 'unhealthy', since I don't use heat, eat a good diet and am healthy and fit.

Here is a pic of it, sadly in lamplight so doesn't show true colour (mid blonde). It is bra length and collar bone length at the front. It isn't a good pic as you can't see length or volume but it gives an idea of curl pattern and condition.

How do you get over this kind of weird attitude to your hair?

Except OP specifically said" I don't use a method, and don't wish to"....

Enjoy it getting healthier!
I think we have been subject to over 20 yrs of brainwashing that there's something wrong with our hair.

I have the weird wavy/straight/curly hybrid hair too, although it's a lot thicker.

I've always felt the need to style it to make it look more 'polished'. But recently I took quite a bit of length off (from past bra strap to just past my shoulders) and suddenly it's sitting exactly right, all by itself! The lack of maintenance needed is so freeing, I no longer have to plan my week around hair washing day!

Last time I was in Paris, something that really stood out when I was people watching was that almost all women wore their hair in what looked to be its natural state. There were weird imperfect waves, frizz, all those things that were perfectly lovely and normal before flat irons came along. We're very much conditioned (pardon the pun) to think something looks good or bad because of what everyone else is doing.

Your

Yes yes I too have noticed this about many French women. And in other Euro countries too.
I must admit that a touch of frizz shines like a halo on me sometimes and I quite like it. It can be quite delicate and pretty. I also like the brushed out look (a crime on mumsnet and curly girl!) and often brush my hair - if it goes fuzzy i just plait it and it looks fab again the morning after.

Your hair is beautiful!

Tell people to stop being so damn rude. I have lots of really fine flighty hair. When I leave it to dry, it naturally goes into ringlets. I spent years straightening it, but frankly I cba now and I've learned to love my curly frizz. I think society just isn't used to see textured hair, as for years it's been fashionable to have straight hair!

As a person with curly hair, I can say that most people seem to hate it.

And like others, two people have remarked recently, when I had straightened it, to say how nice it looked.

Its terrible when hot, and terrible when wet, and straightening just doesn’t work then.

Here's my natural hair! Quite curly and naturally very flighty. It's fine to have natural hair. I wish we weren't so conditioned into feeling like we all need to have straight hair with no frizz.

Perhaps you look prettier and these mean comments are a symptom of jealousy?

To be honest, your hair is gorgeous 😀

I was expecting to see something else but I think you go beautiful hair. To be honest I think bone straight hair is out of fashion.

Thank you! Never felt it at school when everyone seemed to have perfectly straight glossy hair!!

Wavy/different textured hair is lovely OP. Fuck other people. It would be very boring if we all had the same hair.

Hard to pull my eyes away from cute delighted baby but your hair is enviable! Mine is like atmosphere, can be lovely in it's own way but has little weight to it. As a child I looked like a cloud

@Greyish2025

Cannot believe you quoted the entire lengthy OP just to ask "what age are you?"

🤦🏼‍♀️

OP your hair is lovely. I embraced natural waves and used the Only Curls products until I got the hang of what I was doing with my hair and got used to styling curls and waves. Now I only use their curl cream and use my own shampoo.

People can be so weird about curly or wavy hair. Remember the 90s!! If you didn't have stick straight hair and you weren't stick thin, you were "fat and ugly".

Your hair is pretty and you like it, that's what matters. Ignore the rude people! I have wavy, frizzy hair, and in the summer I let it do its own thing, airdrying, I'm also tired of styling and fighting my natural texture. I say crack on and do your own thing. When your friends get used to it, they'll stop mentioning it. They're used to seeing you a certain way, a lot of people don't like change as stupid as that sounds!

@Greyish2025 why did you quote the whole OP?

I know the cloud feeling. Mine is the same the moment there's a slight heat or moisture in the air.

Clouds are pretty and ethereal, like your hair 💕

People are so rude about hair. I have curly hair prone to frizz and my whole life I've received endless negative comments and many nasty ones too. From friends, family, and random people!
I don't think I'll ever be able to stop straightening and dying it now

OP your hair is beautiful. Try not to take rude comments to heart.
I also have wavy hair, it's long and very light blonde. I get the occasional comment about it's length from women. I am 60. I think there is an old fashioned view that older women shouldn't have long hair. I am happy to buck that trend. 😁

Lovely hair @kindlypudding
I'm envious of how much you like your own hair. I'm never happy with my (frizzy, puffy, curly/wavy) hair. I honestly think yours is lovely though and not at all what I was expecting from how you'd described it.
The friends who made weird comments are being weird and rude!

I've never had mine insulted, apart from those two recentish comments.

Funny because until I was about 26, everyone, and I mean everyone, said they were in love with it. Men and women. Suddenly it just stopped. Hairdressers suddenly stopped telling me to keep it natural and advised me to have it ironed.

when I was 22 a stylist refused to cut and colour it because it was 'the worst thing I could do to my natural hair".
yet when I was 46 a stylist winced when brushing it and said 'gosh this must be hard work'.

it's all nebulous bollocks.

It must definitely be about fashion or else that sudden change wouldn't have occurred.

I think its really really pretty - well I would because it is just like mine except mine is thicker. I always get compliments but I do get comments used like 'wild' and that i have a 'free-spirited' or 'hippy' look. I kinda dig that though so I take them as compliments.

I did get a private medical assessment done once and in the secret notes part it said I had 'wild, unkempt hair' lol. Its not at all. Its washed, brushed and left to dry naturally. Depending on its mood or the weather it will either be like yours or in ringlets. Or a mix of both.

Id say the people you know jsut aren't used to it, or dont like that style. I bet the more you wear it this way the more compliments you will get. I get them from strangers all the time! Enjoy your new curls. x

I did get a private medical assessment done once and in the secret notes part it said I had 'wild, unkempt hair'

that's messed up, jeez.

I agree it looks lovely.
I wondered whether the people are making negative comments because it's different from usual, so they are assuming something has gone wrong?