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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Compassionate leave for Miscarriages

179 replies

Hol1st · 16/01/2025 19:25

My employer has refused my request for paid compassionate leave due to a miscarriage at 8 weeks. She was aware of my pregnancy and I only took two days off despite having a sick note for two weeks. Apparently compassionate leave and bereavement leave aren’t to be used under these circumstances and I don’t get paid for sick leave so I’ll lose the wages. I feel so under appreciated and gutted despite all my hard work and value I’ve brought to the company, two days off isn’t approved. AIBU to be upset by this or is it normal practice?
i really really hope the new proposals for paid compassionate leave to be available under these circumstances goes ahead soon

OP posts:
ARealitycheck · 16/01/2025 19:42

Sorry for what happened, I see this subject is being discussed at present in parliament. As I understand it at present you could still self certify for seven days.

As much as this may sound harsh, miscarriage in early pregnancy is fairly common. I'm not sure that other than time off as sick that employers should be required to give compassionate leave. Realistically I'd say it would be another reason employers wouldn't employ women.

BarbaraHoward · 16/01/2025 19:48

Yes sorry OP my understanding was that it comes under sick leave.

Most companies have pretty strict rules around compassionate leave and who it can be granted for. It's also pretty limited, so for example someone may be given a week for losing their spouse and then move on to sick leave.

UpSkilling · 16/01/2025 19:49

Sorry to hear about it. I had a miscarriage at work many years ago, I was also about that stage, I just popped out of the office, bought some mega pads and went back in to a meeting. Obviously everyone is different, I was upset but there were no allowances for this sort of thing. I'm sorry for your loss but eight weeks is still quite early.

UpSkilling · 16/01/2025 19:50

Meant to say it would come out of sick leave

florafoxtrot · 16/01/2025 19:52

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking.

My employer has a baby loss HR procedure, I had 2 weeks off, no questions asked - which I was extremely gracious for considering I required surgical management. In any instances I really hope this becomes the norm.

Justbrowsing2024 · 16/01/2025 19:52

Sick leave. I had a horrible experience and needed 2 weeks off as sick leave.

nellythe · 16/01/2025 19:52

ARealitycheck · 16/01/2025 19:42

Sorry for what happened, I see this subject is being discussed at present in parliament. As I understand it at present you could still self certify for seven days.

As much as this may sound harsh, miscarriage in early pregnancy is fairly common. I'm not sure that other than time off as sick that employers should be required to give compassionate leave. Realistically I'd say it would be another reason employers wouldn't employ women.

This. I fear that if this thing is specifically protected that it will be harder for women of child bearing age to gain decent employment.

That said, as an employer myself, I would 100% without question grant you a few days compassionate leave in these circumstances.

I’m sorry for your loss!

NoSoupForU · 16/01/2025 19:54

No I don't think it should be given as compassionate leave as a blanket rule. Early miscarriages are common and in my opinion aren't comparable to the compassionate leave given for the death of a spouse, parent, child etc. You'd have the right to take sick leave, and it would be protected under pregnancy rights.

If the miscarriage is later, I think from 6 months, it would trigger maternity leave entitlement.

MattieandmummyandIs · 16/01/2025 19:55

I'm sorry for your loss and the way you have been treated at work (although legally). As an employer we have given compassionate leave for this in the past, because yes eight weeks is early in a pregnancy but a child has still died and in my book that definitely warrants compensation leave.

Supersoakers · 16/01/2025 19:56

How come you don’t get sick leave?

Crunchymum · 16/01/2025 19:56

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've suffered recurrent miscarriage and it's incredibly hard.

Ignore me, I've just re-read your post.

If your company don't offer sick pay then I'm (sadly) not surprised you weren't able to take it as compassionate leave.

TheseCalmSeas · 16/01/2025 19:58

Hate some of these responses belittling miscarriage whether the posters mean to or not.

So sorry you’re going through this OP and your workplace isn’t more understanding. My workplace (corporate environment) says any time up to 2 weeks. Mine wasn’t even recorded.

Make the most of that sick note and take care of yourself. Furious for you that you’re not being paid for that. I would seriously consider working elsewhere.

anonny55 · 16/01/2025 20:00

I'd think it's normal practise as 1 in 4 people miscarry so very common unfortunately. It would cost company's an awful lot to give paid compassion leave to everyone it happened to

BarbaraHoward · 16/01/2025 20:03

anonny55 · 16/01/2025 20:00

I'd think it's normal practise as 1 in 4 people miscarry so very common unfortunately. It would cost company's an awful lot to give paid compassion leave to everyone it happened to

I think it's 1 in 4 pregnancies, so far more than 1 in 4 women given most women will have more than one pregnancy. It's a pretty normal part of the journey of starting a family unfortunately.

twoforwardoneback · 16/01/2025 20:04

My workplace has a baby loss policy where I’d be able to take 2 weeks. But in the absence of that, compassionate leave usually comes with manager discretion and I would absolutely grant it in this case.

The fact it’s “common” and “early” do not take away the fact you’ve lost a child or physical or mental challenges that come with such an awful experience.

nervousnellylikesjaffacakes · 16/01/2025 20:06

Weirdly we live in a different country with notoriously bad womens rights and healthcare costs, and we are required by law to give 5 days off for pregnancy losses outside of PTO/sick leave. Guess that is progress. It just came in last year. Hopefully the UK does similar.

ThejoyofNC · 16/01/2025 20:07

So sorry OP. I personally think it should come under bereavement leave.

They won't do that because they'd be admitting that a life was lost, which would upset abortion activists.

BIossomtoes · 16/01/2025 20:07

Supersoakers · 16/01/2025 19:56

How come you don’t get sick leave?

I think that’s more of an issue than refusal of compassionate leave.

BarbaraHoward · 16/01/2025 20:09

BIossomtoes · 16/01/2025 20:07

I think that’s more of an issue than refusal of compassionate leave.

Show quote history

I don't think SSP kicks in for two days. Lots of employers don't give more than SSP.

DogMaths · 16/01/2025 20:11

I don’t think it should be compassionate leave, but the issue is that you don’t get paid sick leave. I think SSP starts on day 4, which isn’t great.

seelookhearboo · 16/01/2025 20:12

anonny55 · 16/01/2025 20:00

I'd think it's normal practise as 1 in 4 people miscarry so very common unfortunately. It would cost company's an awful lot to give paid compassion leave to everyone it happened to

You're not going to get any decent work out someone who is thinking is something else. So i don't think it costs the company anymore.

Lilimoon · 16/01/2025 20:13

OP I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you should get paid leave. @ThejoyofNC that is one hell of a reach.

pickleslag · 16/01/2025 20:13

Sorry OP, this would come under sick leave at my large company.

Compassionate is for funerals/terminally ill family members, similar to bereavement.

seelookhearboo · 16/01/2025 20:14

Your employer is being unreasonable. I automatically got "however much i needed". But then my boss trusts me and i do good work

JustMyView13 · 16/01/2025 20:14

ARealitycheck · 16/01/2025 19:42

Sorry for what happened, I see this subject is being discussed at present in parliament. As I understand it at present you could still self certify for seven days.

As much as this may sound harsh, miscarriage in early pregnancy is fairly common. I'm not sure that other than time off as sick that employers should be required to give compassionate leave. Realistically I'd say it would be another reason employers wouldn't employ women.

’Miscarriage in early pregnancy is fairly common’.

I do agree. But said with kindness, so is a cold/ flu. Men regularly take time off for the common cold (paid) and it hasn’t impacted their job prospects.

It’s a big societal shift, but we do need to get to paid compassionate leave for miscarriage. Realistically, women are only of child bearing age for a portion of their career. Most women aren’t actively trying for their entire career.

And there are probably plenty of men who suffer emotionally when their partners miscarry, and having the ability to take compassionate leave would no doubt help all genders.