Compassionate leave for Miscarriages

[Hol1st]

My employer has refused my request for paid compassionate leave due to a miscarriage at 8 weeks. She was aware of my pregnancy and I only took two days off despite having a sick note for two weeks. Apparently compassionate leave and bereavement leave aren’t to be used under these circumstances and I don’t get paid for sick leave so I’ll lose the wages. I feel so under appreciated and gutted despite all my hard work and value I’ve brought to the company, two days off isn’t approved. AIBU to be upset by this or is it normal practice?
i really really hope the new proposals for paid compassionate leave to be available under these circumstances goes ahead soon

I used to work for a company like this and they really do shoot themselves in the foot. They lose good employees, massive staff turnover, no one goes above and beyond (in fact, they do the opposite), and everyone who leaves (which was most people) tells clients to take their business elsewhere. Because of the high staff turnover no one had a clue what they were doing and by the time they had got on top of things, they had already handed in their notice.I recently found out the business was closing. It was thriving when they took it over.

That sounds like a good policy.

Although I'm in support of paid sick leave from miscarriage, I do think the posts upthread about very early miscarriages/chemical pregnancies, need some careful thought though. We should acknowledge the difference between failed implantation and a later miscarriage.

However, a lot of women appreciate a more level headed conversation.

I've always viewed compassionate leave to be more of a 'practical' leave as there is so much to do in the early days.

Time off for a miscarriage rightly sits under sick leave both the physical and emotional side.

As others have said the issue is the sick leave policy in this situation.

I had a difficult surgery when I was 20weeks to ensure the pregnancy could go to term - I needed full bed rest for a week - dh’s company gave him a week’s compassionate leave to care for me - they didn’t have to of course but it was recorded as compassionate leave.

I was told I had miscarried at 8 weeks during an early scan, then went straight into work for a redundancy meeting. Lovely. Not sure I would recommend it, but I did survive and I do think there is an argument for carrying on. I would be more worried for you that you don’t have a sick leave entitlement at all?

A first trimester loss isn't a tragedy. Really sad, really shit yes but not a tragedy.

What a nasty thing to say. Who are you to deduce if someone else’s miscarriage is a tragedy or not?

And the most ridiculous comment on the internet today goes to… you!

Well done for invalidating her loss. It may be early but a loss is a loss.

You are entitled to sick leave for physical or mental health though, so realistically nothing changes.

I don’t think anyone Is saying you shouldn’t be off and should pop back to work an hour later. Simply that not all miscarriages are the same and special leave isn’t particularly helpful.

All employers should have a policy on this. It's sad and no one knows how they and their body will react.

Years ago I was responsible for health and safety in my department and the maternity leave policy also covered still birth. These things should be decided in the cold light of day and made available when starting work.

OP if you have a sick note for two weeks re you allowed to be back in the workplace?

Sorry for your loss, look after yourself.

Well yes. Fertilised eggs fail to implant all the time and it wasn’t until very early (too early in my opinion) pregnancy testing became available that we were even aware of it.

I don’t think it’s helpful at all. I had what I now suspect was a miscarriage when I was in my teens. At the time I thought it was a heavy late period and didn’t give it a second thought.

It doesn’t matter if some women are not affected by a miscarriage, many are deeply affected. The lack of compassion is shocking. We all experience things in different ways. I had a sudden and shocking loss and I worked as usual as it helped me cope. My sister needed bereavement leave and then was signed off sick. She could not focus on work and needed to be with her loved ones. I just felt that would make me worse. Neither was wrong.

I am deeply uncomfortable with people dismissing the feelings of others. To many, a miscarriage is very painful and distressing. There are hormonal and biological changes that affect women too, some are more impacted by this than others.

OP, I am sorry for your loss and that your work couldn’t make an exception for 2 days. I am even sorrier now dismissive some people on here have been. It doesn’t have to be a life changing tragedy for it to be a painful life experience. Take care of yourself.

I agree with this.
What I find strange, in the last 20 or so years, is how quickly people count pregnancies. There is a reason the first scan is not done until usually at the end of the first trimester but now people are getting private scans done really early on.

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks (so slightly later). Like others with early miscarriage I just carried on.
Looking back though, I think there should be some legislation to protect women and have some time off- compassionate leave or full pay sick leave.

The physical and emotional effects can have an massive impact, it shouldn't just be brushed under the carpet.

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks that required a medical procedure after. This was in COVID and I had to undergo everything without the allowance of my partner at my side. He was in a carpark when I discovered that our previously seen (on a scan, baby with heartbeat) healthy pregnancy had unexpectedly ended.
I self certified for the week and then my very kind GP gave me a sick note for a further 4 weeks off after I broke down to him.

I went back to work but I was deeply depressed for about 6 months after.

Then 12 months later, fell pregnant again, had an ectopic pregnancy that was late in discovery and require emergency treatment. I had a week off for that.
Emotionally I was numb to that loss so just continued on.

We've not been able to have a baby since, that was 7 years ago.

No one should get to decide on the depth of someone else's loss. It's so individual. Whether 'early' or not.

A small amount of compassionate leave would mean so much to so many.

Sorry not 7 years ago! 5!

It doesn't seem like you are aware of the difference between a failed implantation and miscarriage.

For hcg to be released, which is necessary in even a chemical pregnancy, implantation must have happened. This is something that happens days before your period is due.

Failed implantation is only something that happens in IVF when a cycle doesn't work. For people not going through IVF, there is no way to detect failed implantation - you would never have a positive pregnancy test.

Again, it pains me how poorly informed women can be about pregnancy. If a pregnancy is detected, even on a highly sensitive test, it has implanted. Hcg release is triggered by implantation, not fertilisation. There is no way to detect failed implantation.

I had a miscarriage at about 10 weeks. I nearly ended up in hospital in an ambulance because I bled that much (far more than my childbirths). It took several months to feel physically normal so even an early miscarriage can mean you need plenty of time off.

I got early scans due to IVF. I don't see an issue with early scans as it can pick up ectopic pregnancies.

I stand corrected. And while I may not know much about actual pregnancy I know a great deal more than I want to about failed IVF. My point stands however that women would not be aware of chemical pregnancies before the advent of very early pre missed period pregnancy testing.

Just because some of you didnt need time off for your miscarriages doesn't mean we shouldn't be offered paid leave for a couple of weeks. I include this for the men as well. My husband was very worried seeing me bleed through maternity towels in minutes.

As someone who has had 3 miscarriages and a stillborn daughter, they are not directly comparable but I felt the loss of all four as a sense of bereavement. It's not just the direct loss, but the loss of the plans and hopes you had for the baby.