Compassionate leave for Miscarriages

[Hol1st]

My employer has refused my request for paid compassionate leave due to a miscarriage at 8 weeks. She was aware of my pregnancy and I only took two days off despite having a sick note for two weeks. Apparently compassionate leave and bereavement leave aren’t to be used under these circumstances and I don’t get paid for sick leave so I’ll lose the wages. I feel so under appreciated and gutted despite all my hard work and value I’ve brought to the company, two days off isn’t approved. AIBU to be upset by this or is it normal practice?
i really really hope the new proposals for paid compassionate leave to be available under these circumstances goes ahead soon

Sorry op, it’d be classed as sick leave in most places, be never heard bereavement leave being used for this. As pp said miscarriages are unfortunately very common and bereavement leave is usually reserved for death of a spouse or living child. As much as it is devastating (I’ve been through miscarriage myself), sick leave is the most appropriate for this situation. The main issue is your work not paying sick leave.

You can test so early these days that some people will “miscarry” even before their next period is even due. Theresa highlight a lot of early miscarriages that previously women wouldn’t have even known about. I don’t think blanket compassionate leave is logistically possible for employers and I don’t think such early testing is helpful for women when they are TTC.

I ‘miscarried’ at 23 weeks. I was induced, went through a 12 hour labour and my son died during the delivery.

Whilst all miscarriages can be so hard emotionally and physically, the word covers a very very wide range of experiences and work policies should allow for that.

I don't think you have any recourse to anything other than sick leave, but I would fully welcome miscarriage leave being brought it. I'm glad so many people on this thread felt fine after losing a pregnancy; I had a termination for medical reasons at 14 weeks after a disastrous first scan and went back to work as a teacher a few days later and honestly I was not in a fit state mental health wise. I was teaching some particularly nasty kids at the time, and I just couldn't deal with it in a professional way, I felt like a walking open wound.

Hope you are able to start to process and heal soon.

Sorry for your loss OP.
I'm disgusted your work aren't giving this time as paid sick leave.
I thought pregnancy related absences aren't treated the same as other sickness absence and you shouldn't suffer detriment as a result of pregnancy. Miscarriage is directly connected to pregnancy so surely you shouldn't be penalised for having been pregnant in this way?

Men just the same as Women will get the same level of sickness benefit their employer offers. Some pay, some don't. As previously said, a lady can take time off as sick leave after a miscarriage. I assume a man could do if his mental health was affected.

We should also remember that paid compassionate leave is at the discretion of the employer for most situations.

1 in 10 pregnancies end in miscarriage in younger women (under 30), rising to 1 in 2 for women over 45 (NHS figures). Most of these are early in the pregnancies.

One of the impacts of home pregnancy tests is that nowadays many women know they are pregnant from very early on. In the past early miscarriages were often " a late period". I suspect this early confirmation of pregnancies has increased distress.

I know many will disagree but I am not sure how justified compassionate leave is for isolated early miscarriage.

Her work doesn't give paid sick leave, many work places don't. It wouldn't be fair to pay for one person's sick leave but not for someone else's.

ETA - I do agree all short term sick leave should be paid, but I think OP's employer are reasonable to both act in line with the law and to be consistent across employees.

I'm sorry for you loss ❤️ this happened to me too, "you're not really sick" and I had to take annual leave/unpaid leave. It's outrageous, I hope it changes soon

Making you take annual leave is outrageous (unless you chose to do so for the pay).

OP hasn't been denied sick leave, it's just that her sick leave isn't paid.

That is my understanding too. Compassionate leave wouldn't usually be granted for a miscarriage. But sick leave could be taken. But if yours is unpaid it's difficult. And even with compassionate leave strict rules can apply re what relative the person is to you. But quite often a sympathetic employer will grant time off for say the funeral of a close friend.

I’m surprised your compassionate leave is paid if your sick leave isn’t. Or maybe that’s a legal requirement. I’ve found compassionate leave it quite often difficult to take; I wasn’t allowed it when my Aunt died but was when I lost a grandparent. I think sick leave is more appropriate in the circumstances.

I’m so sorry to read some of these responses and I’m so sorry for what you have been through. I really do hope to see changes in the system which allows women to grieve properly - loss is loss, and everyone’s journey is unique. I’m incredibly fortunate that my company offer 2 weeks compassionate leave as standard for pregnancy loss (however many weeks you are) because not only do you experience the physical pain of losing a child, it’s incredibly heartbreaking and you are grieving. I hope you have lots of love and support xx

The comments in this post are absolutely bizarre.
Its also common to lose a parent at some point in your life so does that mean you shouldn’t have leave for that too?

what happened to women supporting women?

As someone who has had 6 miscarriages at all stages I can assure you there was absolutely no way I would of been able to go into work the next day or even the same week. Sometimes miscarriages are found at scans and then you need another scan a week later to confirm and then you are presented with “options” on treatment if you haven’t miscarried already. So you will need time off and this should be paid leave. No one is choosing to have a miscarriage. I’ve ended up in a&e and had to have the “pregnancy tissue” removed manually from my cervix as the cervix wasn’t dilated enough to pass the pregnancy while I was hemorrhaging. And needed a blood transfusion after. Miscarriages aren’t always a “straightforward” thing like you see on tv and that’s not even to mention the emotional side. Workplaces should alow paid leave- even if this is under sickness.

sometimes you need time to process what’s just happened and the fact that you’ve lost your baby.

Im so sorry OP x

OP doesn’t get paid for sick.

Compassionate leave as a whole is shockingly short and why people usually have to add sick leave to it.

exactly this. I can’t believe how many people are quoting pregnancy loss as a statistic and basically saying ‘get over it, it’s common’ Clearly never experienced loss themselves and good gosh I hope they’re not in positions to dictate someone’s leave after loss!

Some of the responses here are awful and belittle others’ experiences of miscarriage - no wonder it’s still such a taboo subject when women can’t even be supportive of one another.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

I 100% agree. These comments are awful. I’m so sorry you went through what you went through. Working would have been impossible. I love the work Myleen Klass is doing for those who have unfortunately experienced this heartbreaking loss. People need more compassion ❤️

I've been through it, if I'm one of the users you're referring to. I think most women have, I know very few who haven't.

Compassionate leave will be at their discretion but it also shouldn't necessarily be sick leave. I would expect it to come under pregnancy related absence so I would check your policy for this. You shouldn't be at a disadvantage due to pregnancy. They may not have to pay you but it shouldn't be recorded as sickness

I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago & had 6 weeks off, paid, including a phased return. My pregnancy/miscarriage led to a disability and so at my due date I was very unwell & again had more time off because it was upsetting being without a baby & instead a difficult health condition

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss 💐.

I miscarried at 16 weeks. There was a baby. I bled so heavily I had to be admitted to hospital - and lost so much blood I could barely walk for a week through weakness. After a few days, I started lactating (a huge and painful shock).

Luckily, my employers were understanding when I had to take two weeks off work (but it wasn't enough - physical recovery was a lot longer. Emotional recovery was years).

it is frustrating when people say miscarriage is common. So what if it is? It is still a tragedy.
it’s also common for wives to have their husbands die before them but we don’t tell widows to just get on with it and they will feel better when they get another one!

you should have had leave. You are a bereaved parent.