Threat to gate crash DD wedding

[Aussierelative]

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

Make it clear now niece will not be able to come. It’s a small wedding.

set up a post wedding get together with your sister and other family, pub lunch type of thing, as a celebration of their visit and ask your sister how many people would be suitable to accommodate niece personality. Focus sister on the post wedding celebration

Exactly

But the guest list is full, right @Aussierelative ? I got married in a big church then had reception in a marquee in a garden. Wouldn't have mattered in the slightest if we'd had 5 or 6 extras turn up tbh.

DD2 is getting married this year at a venue which has a maximum capacity of 90. Not 93 or even 91. 90. So if you were the uninvited 91st person, you wouldn't be allowed in. You would, quite literally, be blocked from entry.

Sounds like there is much more flexibility in the evening, so niece can come along later.

Who's wedding sorry??? Why's your husband fuming when it's not his bloody wedding

If they are coming all the way from Australia to celebrate a wedding the least they could do is find a little seat for the cousin

She's probably coming with her parents due to her mental health and getting shunned away won't help that

Y

I would invite her. I'm sure the other cousins would understand the exception as she has traveled from Australia. Reading through your post though it sounds like the real issues start with you and your sister's relationship, maybe some unresolved sibling rivalry?

Or maybe that the bride doesn’t get on with this cousin, and she’s been troublesome at family events in the past.

Why on earth don't they just get a bigger venue if they have a list of people they want to invite but can't fit in to the venue

Seems bizarre

Omg you're right, you've solved it! They may want to stick to their budget but fuck it go bigger

Yeah, fuck the expense! It would be mean and spiteful not to ffs. 😆

Changing venue doesn't mean more expensive there's hundreds of options you daft git,

I don't understand why someone would want a posh venue to share their day with barely anyone when you could go for a cheaper venue to celebrate with everyone ...maybe they just don't like their "reserve list ' that much

I'm the daft git but you think 60 is barely anyone 🤣
Maybe the chose the venue they liked the best, maybe it's their wedding and their choice.
Maybe you could refrain from being verbally abusive 🤔

Ha, I can imagine having that conversation with my DD. 'Honey, I know you spent months looking at wedding venues in all different shapes and sizes, but why don't you change it so you can invite someone you hardly know and never see.' 😂😂

Did you even think about this comment before you posted it?
Budget? Fell in love with that particular venue? Sentimental reasons?
But sure never mind any of that because MN have decided that you must invite a random cousin you don’t even like to your wedding because her mum doesn’t understand manners hahahaha

Hey, I'm the 'cousin' living in Oz and I've never been to any of my cousin's UK weddings. I've met them a few times and keep in touch on social media but that's it. We are interested in each other's lives but know we live at a distance.
I would never have dreamt of crashing their wedding. If DN can't be left in Oz then one of her parents should have stayed behind with her. End of.
It's not about how close the family is or the distance or whatever, some PP don't get it - it is a choice to book a flight and travel half way across the world. Don't be rude by pushing your way into something you are not invited to. No matter who you are

From what I have read it seems your DH is the person most out out about this.
Firstly, perhaps they are bringing DN to UK so she can experience something different and it might help her mh issues. Secondly, you don't even know if they mean to the wedding. Something tells me there is some sort of history that hasn't been mentioned. Thirdly, shoehorning someone into a wedding isn't that difficult logistically but will perhaps ruffle a few feathers of other relatives.

I would personally find out the truth by talking with your sister emphazisizing that the numbers are tight and you haveb't had any dropouts. And see what her reaction is. If she doesn't react then its safe to assume that DN is not a factor. You could follow on with ehat are DN plans on the day of the wedding?

Just because they are bringing their daughter on the trip, does not mean that they expect her to be a part of the wedding itself.
And if she has no plans, surely a DN/N of yours could entertain her for the day. Not like they will be at the weddig either.

If somebody is prepared to travel from the other side of the world, I think it's reasonable that they get an invite to the wedding

Not if the bride doesn't actually like them, or they are known for causing trouble at events both of which apply here.

That would be a no from me. She can find something else to do for one day, surely.