Threat to gate crash DD wedding

[Aussierelative]

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

I don't think that is a particularly small wedding but anyhow, I wouldn't stress about it, if she turns up I would think it would be nice to see your own niece and for your dd to see her cousin.

A) Is it true?
B) Why?

If you didn't know where your Dsis and her DH were or how to contact them, you couldn't have invited them. So clearly you can contact them. Just ask. It's possible that THEY feel that she should have been invited so they are bringing her because they are entitled twats, in which case be clear she will be turned away however far she has travelled.

It is also possible that they are bringing her because she can be alone for an hour or so and that have someone who can mind her for a couple of hours, but they can't get halfway around the world and back in 3 hours! Talk about what her needs actually are and if there's anything that means she can't do parts of the wedding, how they are going to care for her in these bits. If people are travelling half way round the world for you, the least you can do is let them bring someone dependent on them!

My Aunt boycotted both my brother's weddings because her 5 offspring their partners and huge amount of grandchildren weren't invited. All other Aunts and Uncles happily came without their adult children. All the cousins understood

Exactly, I think your DD is being quite rude here.

My niece can be left alone as DSis has done this previously. The ceremony is in a private venue and the maximum for the space is 60 so to include her at this stage means potentially uninviting someone else. My DD has had very little contact with her cousin and they did not really get on when we did meet up. I can't say to much about the source of the rumour as that might be outing but it is difficult to verify. I did wonder about contacting DSis to ask how my niece was and trying to establish what she would be doing whilst her parents were in the UK.

Your post reads a bit like you aren't that keen on your sister so I'm not sure why you invited her. You have however invited her, it is a bit rude of her to try and shoehorn her daughter in if she is. However for the sake of £100 and the stress excluding her would cause I'd just add her if she does come to the UK.

I think, OP, you probably invited your Dsis expecting her not to come! Now she's coming all the way - paying fights, accommodation etc. you're a bit miffed. You don't seem to be at all grateful for the effort she's going to.

I'm a big believer in not being too rigid. I know cousins aren't invited but this is really an exceptional circumstance and I think you should OFFER for your niece to attend having come all the way here. Almost as a thank you to your sister for making such an effort. There will be others of your DN's age attending, I assume.

I think most people can understand the difference between cousins in the UK and a cousin from Australia who likely can't be left due to her own ill health.

Just like people can understand when a child free wedding rule doesn't include the bride's sister's newborn.

People understand shades of grey if you give them the chance.

Wow. I cannot even comprehend how unkind you would have to be to exclude your own cousin who had travelled with your Aunt from Australia, especially in the circumstances you describe. Why on earth wouldn't you include her? That takes Bridezilla to new heights. Your DH sounds like a nasty piece of work wanting to uninvite the whole family once they arrive here. I cannot imagine treating family like this, awful.

I believe the groom was a bit put out.

Honestly I don’t think this is really a hill to die on op. I’d say go for it, they’re travelling all the way from Australia and it’s just one extra person!

I do keep in touch with DSis although we are not close. My DH thinks she is very entitled in her attitudes and has always kept his distance.

@BarbaraHoward but she can be left alone - the OP has said this. Plus there's limited seating so it means inviting someone?

*uninviting

That was a cross post. I still think in the circumstances it's right to invite her and I would judge any other cousins who don't understand that distance and health are mitigating circumstances.

are there any other cousins nearby who might be willing to spend some time with their Australian cousin? Prime them beforehand, then if she turns up one of them could say "hey, why don't you come and do x with us?"

For my wedding I had an uncle & aunt on my dad's side coming over from Australia. Not specially for the wedding but coincidentally around the same time. They brought their 3 children who were all between 20 & maybe 25 at the time.
None of my other cousins were invited to the full wedding but I invited all of them because it was such a huge deal for my dad's family to have them all there & they'd come a long way. The least I could do was give them a good day out.

As it turned out that was the one & only time they were ever over (this was over 20 years ago) and the last time my dad & his other siblings saw their brother in person. He's since passed away.

It's one extra person. Invite her.

How is it unfair not to invite someone to your wedding who you literally aren't close to, just because faaaaamily? Surely it's way ruder to expect to be invited to someone's wedding just because you are related, even ruder to expect to be invited to the wedding of someone you barely interact with? I genuinely will never understand this logic!

Well, to be honest, you're DH is not coming off well here. Perhaps he is extremely stingey and judgemental.

This 👏

Yup this .,
Although the entitlement of the family gatecrashing is staggering.
You could run a book on if they do. All family members bet a fiver. Winners split the proceeds. Makes them look a bit twatish but you have a laugh without the drama

Honestly, this.

Are you trying to sort this out on behalf of the Bride, is she not much involved ith the organisation?

Tough one. I absolutely respect the couple’s right to invite who they want but I also think excluding a first cousin from Australia when her parents are flying down is hurtful.

Of course it’s rude to gate crash but I imagine they are feeling very aggrieved.

You’re not close but your sister and her hisband are making the effort to fly from the other side of the world to see your dd get married. That’s huge.

I think if you could possibly squeeze her in it would be a nice gesture although then puts you in a position re your nephew . Maybe talk to your sister, ask how her daughter will get on at home in Auz on her own while they're away. If they say she is coming over but not to wedding then you could offer to ask your daughter to invite her but explain there would probably not be room for both. It's a tricky one .

Chances are someone wont make it on the day. It'll be fine. Worst case the venue will squeeze a chair in for one person