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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threat to gate crash DD wedding

443 replies

Aussierelative · 16/01/2025 14:57

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 16/01/2025 14:59

Just don’t invite any of them.

PollyPut · 16/01/2025 15:00

@Aussierelative is it a church wedding or private one somewhere? If church wedding then I think anyone can come to the ceremony

Rickrolypoly · 16/01/2025 15:00

It's one person. You are family. You haven't seen each other in years.

Seriously, why do weddings always end up being such a drama. Just invite her.

ClareBlue · 16/01/2025 15:01

You need to establish if it is true before you do anything. What's the basis for thinking this is going to happen.

user1471517900 · 16/01/2025 15:01

I remember when Busted did this and everyone thought it was quite fun.

fourelementary · 16/01/2025 15:01

Actually I think if your niece lives with her parents due to MH issues and is coming over from Oz for the wedding (as presumably she cannot be left at home alone) then you’re being quite mean to not include her. Where is the issue really? It’s one extra person.

Dollshousedolly · 16/01/2025 15:02

your sister is travelling from Australia for the wedding, her daughter coming too and had MH issues - just invite her.

TipsyKoala · 16/01/2025 15:02

Why not just invite the daughter too. They are making the effort to come all the way from Australia. And 60 + 40 is not a small wedding. One more won't make a difference. Although they should have asked nicely instead of making threats.

mycatsanutter · 16/01/2025 15:02

I would let her come , she has mental health issues and her parents probably don't want to be thousands of miles away from her.

JustTalkToThem · 16/01/2025 15:03

Well if they’re coming from Australia and your niece is high needs, it makes sense she’s coming to the UK with them. The assumption she’s going to gate crash seems silly.

I’d talk to them about it and offer to find a solution for some one to stay with niece on the day of the wedding.

actually what I’d do is invite the niece but seems like I’m nicer than your son.

Doloresparton · 16/01/2025 15:04

Imo if your dn has mh issues and is travelling with her parents from Australia then she should be invited to the wedding.
I can't imagine leaving someone out when they've travelled that far.
I understand it's annoying but family often are and I'm assuming your dsis doesn't want to leave her dd on her own in Aus.

stayathomegardener · 16/01/2025 15:05

Goodness you rarely see them and they appear willing to spend a not inconsiderable amount of their own money on flights to witness your DD getting married.

Plus would probably worry about leaving their own DD alone with mental health issues.

Hopefully this is a reverse, if not don't be so mean. What would another guest cost you? £60?
Reach out and ask them if they would be happier bringing their DD.

I predict a family fall out for years if not.

EauNeu · 16/01/2025 15:06

Crazy to exclude her. Invite the poor lass and save your energy for something else. Weddings are stressful enough without causing drama.

ThejoyofNC · 16/01/2025 15:08

You can't extend one extra invitation to a family who are traveling halfway across the world? YABU.

Redcandlescandal · 16/01/2025 15:08

ClareBlue · 16/01/2025 15:01

You need to establish if it is true before you do anything. What's the basis for thinking this is going to happen.

I agree. I would tell DSIS about the rumour. Make sure it isn’t true as “I wouldn’t want any of you to have a wasted journey “

loropianalover · 16/01/2025 15:09

user1471517900 · 16/01/2025 15:01

I remember when Busted did this and everyone thought it was quite fun.

Just let out the ugliest laugh sitting in work 🤣

Daisyvodka · 16/01/2025 15:10

If this is a:
'We are worried about eating our daughter alone, so won't be able to attend without her' thing... then they should just talk to your DD.
However this kind of sounds like:
'We are put out that our children weren't invited, so we want our children to attend the wedding of someone that they are not close to, purely for our own egos sake as we cannot possible comprehend anything outside of a 'but but but you must have family at the wedding its the RULES' mentality'....

MumonabikeE5 · 16/01/2025 15:10

Obviously the B&G can do what they wish, but what’s the point of a wedding if not to be an opportunity for a family reunion. Not least for family travelling around the world for it.

mitogoshigg · 16/01/2025 15:10

If the cousins are travelling with their parents, can't you just give them an evening invite, numbers won't be fixed in the same way

Theemperorsnewshoes · 16/01/2025 15:12

Ask Dsis if it’s true first.

Ultimately op, it’s your dds wedding and down to her and her future husband to decide.

People saying that yabu as the adult dd has mh issues. Surely it depends on the ‘issues’ and how the dd might manage the wedding?

CoastalCalm · 16/01/2025 15:12

I think you’re being really unfair excluding her when the family are spending thousands to attend the wedding

Lanawashington · 16/01/2025 15:14

Since when is 100 people a small wedding!? I would probably be a bit gutted too if a family member invited 100 other people including my parents and excluded me

tattychicken · 16/01/2025 15:16

I think your DH To Be sounds quite mean. Just invite the girl.

SunshineAndFizz · 16/01/2025 15:16

I'm really surprised how many people have said 'just invite her, it's only one more person'.

They've decided no cousins - if you invite one cousin then you either have to invite them all, or piss off the rest of the cousins (and probably aunts & uncles too) because they were excluded. It's up to the bride and groom, so if they have a no cousin rule then she shouldn't come. Why should they have people there they didn't want to invite?

But definitely speak to your sister first before assuming anything.

MeganM3 · 16/01/2025 15:17

Sounds quite mean to me. With them coming all that way.

It's not a small wedding so odds are that at least one person will drop out ill on the day so a seat will be vacant.

I think do nothing. Don't be horrible and uninvite or cause a drama. If she comes, she comes. There will be space and it will not be a huge problem on the day.

Frankly I think it's pretty rude of your daughter not to invite the cousin, if she's coming such a long way.