Threat to gate crash DD wedding

[Aussierelative]

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

No way do I believe that there is absolutely no room for one guest . As to the other cousins, tough, this is exceptional circumstances. She is their cousin too . If they begrudge her coming then they are petty and selfish . Tell your DH to keep.out of it .

I think you need to be more direct than this. Ask if they are bringing their DD from Oz, and if so, what she’ll be doing while they are at the wedding. That’s a very clear way of saying that you aren’t expecting to see her.

Can you suggest another opportunity for you all to get together afterwards “as there really won’t be space at the wedding but we’d like to catch up with her nonetheless”

Why is everyone responding as if the parents travelling to the UK means their daughter must come with them?

@Aussierelative posted today at 15:21 -

"My niece can be left alone as DSis has done this previously."

If her MH has deteriorated then I wouldn't be leaving her at all.

I find it so funny that there’s a chance a non-close relative is planning on gatecrashing a wedding they’re not invited to. But people are slagging off OP and her husband for being fuming about it. Why wouldn’t they be? That’s so sneaky and manipulative to just turn up with a +1 because they know if they as they will be told no. (Obviously we don’t know that is their plan but if it is they have a right to be annoyed about it)

Because the niece is allowed to come to the UK without an invite from her Auntie.

It's entirely likely that the whole planning to gatecrash rumour is actually a misunderstanding of we are being Dd (to the UK) being misinterpreted as we are bringing DD to the wedding.

This is what happens when marrying couples prioritize the venue over the people. Why pick a location that cannot accommodate everyone one might wish to invite?

Why would you tell your DD about a rumour? This is all very dramatic.

Pick up the phone, speak to your sister and tell your husband to stop overreacting.

I think more people need to read before they comment.

The bride and her cousin are not only not close, they hardly know each other and didn't get on when they were together.

The cousin can and is left on her own at home frequently.

The venue holds 60 people, max. There is a full guest list.

The cousin is not invited, but her parents are out of family/kindness duties. They don't have to come if they're 'outraged' by the exclusion of their child. Who, once again, doesn't have to travel at all.

I would just be clear that she cannot and will not be accommodated, that the venue is limited to strictly 60 people and the list is full - with people the bride and groom are actually close to and want there.

Just for clarity DN can be left on her own and she has support. If DSis wants to bring her for a holiday in the UK then that is of course fine. I don't think DD would be keen to include her in the wedding. They did not get on when they met up as children, I think the last time was 10 years ago. The groom comes from a bigger family who live quite locally so they have had to exclude quite a lot of cousins from his side.

Firstly stop getting in a state about this before you know they are intending on letting the niece “gatecrash” the wedding

is it not more likely they just generally want to bring her to the UK? She possibly doesn’t even want to go to a wedding of someone she doesn’t know

Easy way to find out = ask

Also your DH sounds like a mean spirited pain in the ars&

This

i just can’t imagine setting up a situation where the aunt, uncle, and honestly both cousins, if they are willing to make the trip from Australia aren’t welcome at the wedding. Unless there is a history of violence that you aren’t mentioning, there just isn’t a good reason not to have planned a wedding that excludes them.

the venue only fits 60. That was a choice that was in the couple’s co trip. Also, If 60 have been invited, some people are going to decline. 100% attendance is incredibly unlikely. There will be extra spots available.

They are coming the whole way from Australia, of course she should be invited. It’s going to be bad all heading off to a wedding and leaving her behind. I would have invited them all at that distance.

On today's round of make your own shit up to fit what you think is really happening even though you are no part of this and don't know the people involved

Perhaps she is coming over with them as a holiday, as she still lives at home and knows she isn't invited to the wedding. And saw it as an opportunity to visit the UK and see family. Not necessarily at the wedding!

Why don't you just say 'we'd love to include her but the venue is at capacity and we cannot uninvite anyone at this stage. But if anyone is unable to make it on the day, then of course she can attend as there will be a place available then. But obviously we can't guanatee it and won't know until the actual day.'

Hardly difficult!

As someone else said, it's only one extra person and her circumstances are exceptional (needs to be with her parents and has mental health issues and is coming a very long way) so there's no way that all the other cousins would expect to be invited because she is. Unless the parents and the cousin are deeply unwelcome for some other reason, best just invite them rather than risk some bit alienation.

Why should she invite people she doesn't want there? Fair enough if you are okay with being walked over, but not everybody else is.

Plus food is expensive. It can cost £70+ a head for a 3 course meal.

Stick to your guns OP. I'd drop a text to her to 'remind' her that the invitation is for the named guests only.

That is really very mean of you OP. Your her aunt and they are flying all the way over from aus, if you really despise your family that much why invite them at all?

I don't think you should upset any more people about this 'rumour'. Get in touch with your sister, say you are looking forward to seeing her and her DP at the wedding. You may have already discussed this with her but repeat that the size of the wedding is strictly limited because of the size of the venue. Mention that your DD was unable to include any of her cousins "even the ones she is close to". The person sharing this rumour may have misunderstood or be deliberately trying to cause drama. Why are they not encouraging your DSis to talk to you?

Will you be meeting up with your sister and her family when they are over, other than at the wedding? If so, you can focus on how much you are looking forward to seeing your neice then.

Christ these are not exceptional. She's managed on her own before. Why should ops dd invite people she doesn't like?