Threat to gate crash DD wedding

[Aussierelative]

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

Yup.

Because they didn't play nicely 10 years ago she can't be invited? Local cousins can grow a pair.

@Aussierelative I think the above sounds very fair and reasonable?

To be honest, they live in Australia and perhaps you could have made an exception for them, or do you really want none of them to come at all?

Just speak to your sister and tell her the invite is just for her and her husband.
Unless the niece came instead of the husband.
Explain the limit is 60 and you're at Taft already so just need to make sure they're not intending to bring her as there won't be a meal or table setting for her.

Obviously DD doesn't have to invite them, but the aunt and uncle were already invited so the cousin is only one extra. I can't see it is worth making a huge fuss about.

You're bending over backwards and tying yourself into knots to emphasise how distant you are to your sibling. Whatever the issues between you two, she has been invited to the wedding. She will be attending at significant cost to herself & husband so as a compromise I'd invite her dd to the evening reception. I would also let her know that if someone does drop out of the service then her dd can attend the full day.

Stop being an arse about it. You're quite happy for your dsis to spend money to attend & buy your dd a wedding gift but won't invite her dd who has mh issues. She's not a random stranger, she's your niece.

Imagine leaving someone out when they've travelled that far.

And 60+40 is certainly not a small wedding. Ridiculous.

Some of you have been helpful. I have just messaged DSis to try and get an agreed time to Facetime. Most of our contact tends to be through messaging rather than a 'proper chat' but hopefully I can get to the bottom of the issue with her and we can all move forward.

I agree. It's rather mean not to and why are no cousins at all invited from either side? If you don't see them much, some are not likely to accept an invitation anyway but to not invite them, unless there is a back story, is odd. Of course that is entirely your business.

It is eight months away. Worry about it nearer the time. If it's really about numbers there is a good possibility someone will drop out.

I remember once when I wasn’t invited to a family christening as it was Uncles and Aunts only, not cousins. Apart from I was the only cousin who lived in the country at the time and likely the only one that would go!! People don’t forget how they are treated.

I think we all need to know whether DN is going to get a personalised party bag and vegan pizza wedding favour and meal 😂

So they pay £1000’s
to come to wedding and have niece that’s semi dependent on them seems beyond mean not to invite niece

if I were them I’d be making no great effort and save myself £1000’s and not come

Why on earth would you expect relatives to be invited to a wedding where they have only met the bride a handful of times?

If the cousin's mental is so bad they can't leave her then they should decline the invite. How exactly is travelling to the other side of the world to be around people she doesn't know going to be good for her mental health?

Half the people responding just let her come, clearly would be happy to be excluded from a family member's wedding that they are close to so a virtual stranger can attend. Also will happily include all the siblings brought to their children's parties that have restricted numbers. Because they are family.

@Aussierelative this isn't typical MN response to gate crashers. Your daughter and her groom have decided on who is invited and excluded all cousins from both sides. Make that clear to your sister. She doesn't get special treatment, her son can stay with her daughter.

Rickrolypoly

It's one person. You are family. You haven't seen each other in years.
Seriously, why do weddings always end up being such a drama. Just invite her.

Id say this is a very unpopular opinion but this would be my way of thinking too. People say ‘well if you do it for one …’ etc but in real life it’ll just be the one. No point in getting stressed etc over something like this

How would you feel if your child's mental health suffered from being forced into a room of 98 people you barely know or have never met because you are entitled to this you should be the exception?

Why, they want a small wedding, haven’t seen the cousin for years, are not inviting cousins from either side and no doubt if there was a space would invite someone they are close to

imagine the fallout when all the cousins get to know one has been invited and not the rest

Its appalling behaviour to turn up at a wedding reception with an uninvited guest

Op I suggest you speak to your sister now and tell er this is what you have heard and you hope it’s not true. If it is then all three of them are going to be highly embarrassed when they all get turned away

Not sure how many PPs have traveled too and from Oz but it’s a huge financial and time commitment. Spending thousands on flights,accommodation and using up AL ,probably 3weeks minimum!
Any reasonable person inc the cousins would understand that it would be pretty churlish/ mean not to invite the cousin.
OP you say that they didn’t get on10 years ago …well that is a long time for people at that age to mature and potentially have more in common than you think .

Just invite her. Sounds like they can't really leave her anyway.

I don't think 100 people at a wedding is a small wedding either! 10-15 is a small wedding. 100 is a pretty big wedding. So it does look mean to exclude her tbh. She's your niece and your DD's first cousin - can't imagine not inviting mine to any significant family occasions.

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