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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asking lodger to leave. Does he have rights?

229 replies

MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 22:24

I am a lone parent and have 2 adult children as well as 3 younger ones. One of my adult children asked if her friend could come to stay with us as his home situation wasn't good(he lived in supported accommodation and said it affected his mental health)I know this friend and agreed. He's here on the understanding that it wasn't permanent and he needed to sort out something with the homeless team. 8months later and he's still here doing nothing to help his living situation. I feel he's taking the piss. My 8 year old is saying she hates him as he winds her up purposely then shouts when she retaliates. He has doubled my bills with his eating habits he takes everything in excess leaving little without a thought that others need to eat. He puts the heating on and has upped my gas bill hugely. He does pay board as such £100 per month which doesn't even cover the extra food I have to buy to replace everything he uses let alone the fact that my other bills have gone up as he sits up all night using my internet leaving lights on and leaving heating on.he doesn't do his laundry he seems to expect me to do it and leaves all his dirty clothing in my bathroom he doesn't wash up after himself and he doesn't even purchase his own toiletries. He barely washes and just sleeps all day to the point I can't even have visitors as he makes them feel uncomfortable as he's sofa surfing at mine.(My house isn't big enough to give him a bedroom) I have given him 2 weeks to sort out somewhere permanent to live as we can no longer tolerate feeling like we can't even enjoy our home without him literally waiting for visitors to leave and making it obvious that he doesn't want them there. He even tried to tell me my eldest cannot come to my house unless I'm here at home which to be honest if she wants to come over she's allowed to as she sometimes likes to be here when I come home from work. He's told a mutual friend that I've been unreasonable to ask him to move out and now he's making me uncomfortable in my own home as he keeps giving sly nasty looks all the time. There's no tenancy agreement or anything but does he have any rights to not leave?as I have a feeling he's going to try to make it difficult to get him to leave

OP posts:
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5
AllrightNowBaby · 15/01/2025 22:27

He has no rights what so ever and you giving him 2 weeks notice to leave is generous.

TroysMammy · 15/01/2025 22:28

No he doesn't have any rights. He's a piss taker, give him a week's notice if you must and give him the telephone number of the council and Shelter.

Hankunamatata · 15/01/2025 22:30

He was in assisted living? Which he has given up and has intentionally made himself homeless?

Is there a chance he doesn't qualify for help as he gave up supported accomadation

SnowThaw · 15/01/2025 22:30

Write a letter asking him to leave which he can take to his local housing office

LaPam · 15/01/2025 22:31

You don’t have a lodger at all OP, you have a freeloader and you have zero responsibility or obligations toward him, none, nothing, zilch!

Getting rid of him is as simple as putting all his stuff in bin bags, and leave them outside and change the locks while he is out. If he kicks off, call the police, he is just a guest who overstayed his welcome.

Original poster
MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 22:33

TroysMammy · 15/01/2025 22:28

No he doesn't have any rights. He's a piss taker, give him a week's notice if you must and give him the telephone number of the council and Shelter.

He's been given 2 weeks last week. He's done nothing until yesterday and has an appointment with a homeless charity. He reckons he's been advised by homeless team that they won't offer him a tenancy due to being due to start university this year but surely they can't penalise him for being a student. He's 20

OP posts:
LaPam · 15/01/2025 22:33

Hankunamatata · 15/01/2025 22:30

He was in assisted living? Which he has given up and has intentionally made himself homeless?

Is there a chance he doesn't qualify for help as he gave up supported accomadation

It doesn’t matter what his situation was, he is not OP’s responsibility.

And no, do not write a letter, he was never a tenant, to save yourself some aggravation, don’t act as if he was.

Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2025 22:33

What? You thought as a single parent on an 8 year old having a vulnerable man who was in supported housing sleeping on your sofa was a good idea?

What is going on? Seriously. Does no one know how to say no anymore?

I sometimes feel like I’m a nutcase reading threads like this as I literally don’t understand how this happens.

GivingitToGod · 15/01/2025 22:33

This can't continue OP
He needs to find somewhere else. He is taking you for granted and abusing your kindness

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/01/2025 22:34

No, he has no rights to stay.

And I'd be telling him that one more sly nastly look from him and he can pack his bags right now and be gone within the hour.

No good deed goes unpunished, eh? I hope your adult child that landed you with this user is suitably embarassed.

LaPam · 15/01/2025 22:35

MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 22:33

He's been given 2 weeks last week. He's done nothing until yesterday and has an appointment with a homeless charity. He reckons he's been advised by homeless team that they won't offer him a tenancy due to being due to start university this year but surely they can't penalise him for being a student. He's 20

Show quote history

They wouldn’t be penalising him for being student but considering that if he is, he will have a maintenance loan to live of.

They won’t house him while he has a house to go back to (yours), he is not a priority at all if he has a roof over his head.

BotterMon · 15/01/2025 22:39

No idea how you got into this position and allowed it to continue for so long!

Just get an emergency locksmith in when he's out and leave his stuff outside. No wonder he didn't like sheltered accommodation as he didn't have a slave and free food!

Flopsythebunny · 15/01/2025 22:40

I would tell him he has to be out this weekend. How dare he make your child's life miserable

longtompot · 15/01/2025 22:41

Sounds like he has moved in as one of your kids and not a lodger, and I imagine your kids wouldn't behave I that way at all.
I think you have been more than generous with the two weeks notice and I would remind him again that he now only one week left before he has to leave. What does your adult child think of his behaviour whilst he has been there? Have they said anything, either to you or him?

YourWildAmberSloth · 15/01/2025 22:42

He shouts at your 8 year old, and he's still in the house - for that alone you are YABU.

ArtTheClown · 15/01/2025 22:43

Please OP don't have random young men stay in your home when you have a little girl.

Original poster
MrsRaspberry · 15/01/2025 22:43

Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2025 22:33

What? You thought as a single parent on an 8 year old having a vulnerable man who was in supported housing sleeping on your sofa was a good idea?

What is going on? Seriously. Does no one know how to say no anymore?

I sometimes feel like I’m a nutcase reading threads like this as I literally don’t understand how this happens.

I get what you're saying. He lived in a YMCA. I was being genuinely kind to a friend of my daughter's in a crappy situation with no family support of his own and unfortunately he's taken the piss. I've not brought in a complete stranger to my home. I sincerely wish I'd said no knowing what I do now and honestly didn't think he would take the piss to this extent. Safe to say I will no longer extend my kindness like this and my kids mates can sort out their own shit.

OP posts:
tealady · 15/01/2025 22:44

He is taking advantage and you have been generous in allowing him to stay so long. Citizens advice has some info on the rights of lodgers. It seems to be ok to give verbal or written notice of eviction as long as you share living space with the lodger (which you definitely do).

More info here
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/lodging-and-subletting/lodging-subletting/lodgers/if-youre-being-evicted-as-a-lodger/

If you're being evicted as a lodger

Check how much notice your landlord has to give you to move out and what other rules they must follow.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/lodging-and-subletting/lodging-subletting/lodgers/if-youre-being-evicted-as-a-lodger

SnowThaw · 15/01/2025 22:45

@LaPam

She could write in the letter that he was a lodger and due to overcrowding he has to leave . As bad as he has been I don't think it's nice for him to be living in the street in this weather . Surely with an eviction letter they will have to offer him accommodation somewhere?

Snowfalling · 15/01/2025 22:48

Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2025 22:33

What? You thought as a single parent on an 8 year old having a vulnerable man who was in supported housing sleeping on your sofa was a good idea?

What is going on? Seriously. Does no one know how to say no anymore?

I sometimes feel like I’m a nutcase reading threads like this as I literally don’t understand how this happens.

I feel like I'm from a different planet when I read threads like this. op has let a stranger move in with her children. This man has been bullying op's 8 year old and op has let it go on for 8 months.

Surely your instinct is to protect your child and damn everything and everyone else? Bloody hell

TubeScreamer · 15/01/2025 22:49

He’s not a lodger and he has no rights,

please ask him to leave asap for the sake of your 8yo

YourWildAmberSloth · 15/01/2025 22:50

He is a stranger though, isn't he. You know his name and he was your daughters friend, but you didn't really know him or anything about him, and that makes him a stranger.

Fraaances · 15/01/2025 22:53

He’s taking the piss and is not your problem.

Tallyrand · 15/01/2025 22:56

My mum did this with (effectively) a step child. He was a half brother of my older brother if that makes sense (they shared the same Dad). My mum rekindled a relationship with his Dad years later and the step son asked to move in "for a couple of weeks". He was there 3 years.

It was hell, we didn't have a spare room so put a bed in the dining room. Washing machine and fridge was in the kitchen next to it so he'd constantly moan when people were in the kitchen at night (like even at 9pm) or when I was washing my uniform for work. Basically tried to assert some kind of rights over what we could all do. We had multiple chats about his behaviour, it would get better for a bit then go straight back to the way it was.

I guess what I'm saying is, now you've made your decision stick with it. This kid is not your problem.

My mum finally kicked him out when the police showed up at the door with an arrest warrant for getting into a fight.

pinkyredrose · 15/01/2025 22:57

Shouldn't he be buying his own food?
As he was already in supported accommodation they should have helped him find somewhere else.

You've been very foolish and you're not actually helping him, just delaying him helping himself.

He has no rights, change the locks when he's out and leave his stuff outside