Asking lodger to leave. Does he have rights?

[MrsRaspberry]

I am a lone parent and have 2 adult children as well as 3 younger ones. One of my adult children asked if her friend could come to stay with us as his home situation wasn't good(he lived in supported accommodation and said it affected his mental health)I know this friend and agreed. He's here on the understanding that it wasn't permanent and he needed to sort out something with the homeless team. 8months later and he's still here doing nothing to help his living situation. I feel he's taking the piss. My 8 year old is saying she hates him as he winds her up purposely then shouts when she retaliates. He has doubled my bills with his eating habits he takes everything in excess leaving little without a thought that others need to eat. He puts the heating on and has upped my gas bill hugely. He does pay board as such £100 per month which doesn't even cover the extra food I have to buy to replace everything he uses let alone the fact that my other bills have gone up as he sits up all night using my internet leaving lights on and leaving heating on.he doesn't do his laundry he seems to expect me to do it and leaves all his dirty clothing in my bathroom he doesn't wash up after himself and he doesn't even purchase his own toiletries. He barely washes and just sleeps all day to the point I can't even have visitors as he makes them feel uncomfortable as he's sofa surfing at mine.(My house isn't big enough to give him a bedroom) I have given him 2 weeks to sort out somewhere permanent to live as we can no longer tolerate feeling like we can't even enjoy our home without him literally waiting for visitors to leave and making it obvious that he doesn't want them there. He even tried to tell me my eldest cannot come to my house unless I'm here at home which to be honest if she wants to come over she's allowed to as she sometimes likes to be here when I come home from work. He's told a mutual friend that I've been unreasonable to ask him to move out and now he's making me uncomfortable in my own home as he keeps giving sly nasty looks all the time. There's no tenancy agreement or anything but does he have any rights to not leave?as I have a feeling he's going to try to make it difficult to get him to leave

Don’t refer to him as a lodger. He is a young man who has been allowed to sleep on the sofa as a guest , contributing towards the food he eats as a guest in your home .

He has not paid for a room in your home. There is no lodging or rental agreement at all.

Yep. Grow a spine Op and put your kids first.

What does your daughter think about her friend taking the piss out of you?
you’ve been very generous and patient but it’s definitely time for him to go

And you just sat there and let him take the piss and bully your 8 year old. For months? What is the matter with you? Why would you tolerate this?

As soon as he tried to stop you having your child in your house, I would have taken that as a good reason to reduce his notice period. I hope you've stopped washing and cooking for him.

I agree.

And then I get called a judgemental cow (or similar, less pleasant things) for expressing my incredulity.

Yet all those people would be posting on here the outrage of this situation ended up in the headlines after this mean harmed the child(ren) or OP in some way.

Not even in a spare room. It’s fucking bonkers.

He's been told he has to go. I was just genuinely asking does he have rights if he decides to try to be difficult about it. He has a week(even less if he carries on making things difficult). Tough if he's found nowhere else as awful as it sounds.He's just trying to make things awkward and most likely lying about seeking housing advice as whatever he's saying he is being advised doesn't sound right in my opinion

Tough if he's found nowhere else as awful as it sounds.

The only awful thing is that you’ve allowed to go on for as long as it has.

He's just trying to make things awkward and most likely lying about seeking housing advice as whatever he's saying he is being advised doesn't sound right in my opinion

None of which is your problem. Why do you think it is?

This post is bananas.

It's not my problem. It's more the point that you hear all these stories of lodgers as such being granted rights etc. honestly I was genuinely trying to help one of these kids friends but clearly it's gone unappreciated and he's taken the piss. I've known this lad a fair few years as he's a longtime friend of my daughter's(she used to live in the YMCA herself due to a family breakdown and now she's got her own place with her boyfriend and we have a much better relationship) even she's fed up of him taking the piss too. The situation of him winding up my kid hasn't been going on for all these past 8 months either

He has no rights and you have no spine. Next time you take in a paying guest put down some ground rules.

He's not a lodger, he's sofa surfing. Don't write him a letter, be firm about the date he has to go, and if he refuses to leave get the police involved.

Agreed. And not kicked him out until now! OP has been waaaay too kind here and he has taken advantage of it.

No, he doesn't have any rights. Get this freeloading man child out of your house.

Pack his bags and send him to the council, they will house him in a travel lodge or bnb until a suitable property becomes available. Do not leave your daughter alone with him! How awful to have someone strange living in the family living room for so long.

@MrsRaspberry You are a tolerant, patient and generous woman to have put up with this for so long. I would have asked him to leave after a week.

Easy to check if he is lying about what help he is entitled to by contacting Citizen's Advice, who would also he be able to provide advice about any rights he may (or more likely, may not) have as a 'lodger' in this situation.

Don't hesitate to let him know that you will be fully prepared to call for police presence if he refuses to leave on the specified date.

Get this arsehole out of your house! This is appalling and you should have kicked him out the first time he upset your 8 year old. He will try to guilt trip you as the deadline approaches but he is not your problem in any way. Stand firm and get him out. Has he got a key? If so you probably need to change your lock once he goes, in case he has copied it. Your poor 8 year old, being bullied and made unhappy in her own home ☹️

Well if he didn't want to risk living on the street, he shouldn't have abused OPs hospitality. At some point we all have to take responsibility for our actions. He was given an opportunity and he's squandered it. whatever level of difficulty he's experienced, there was / is no excuse for him to bully an 8yr old child.

Does your child who is / was his friend live there? What are they saying about the situation?

Thank you. I've been far too patient. Like the whole of the post hasn't been happening for the whole 8 months he's been here.like I said the lad isn't a complete stranger he's been a friend of my daughters for a number of years. It's like he's now gotten far too comfortable and seems to think he can take the piss and doesn't like it now he's been asked to leave due to the more recent behaviour of winding up my daughter. The other stuff like using up stupid amounts of food and being generally lazy has been going on longer. When he first moved in he would actually do his own laundry then over time he started not to and just seemed to generally expect me to chuck his stuff in with mine and the kids stuff

Are you very vulnerable OP? Because it just isn’t normal to have allowed this, or to have not put a stop to his eating your food instead of buying his own, not told him to sort his washing etc. It sounds like you are vulnerable or maybe in need or help or support yourself. To put your children into this situation too… thats worrying. Maybe someone should be looking into the situation and seeing if your children are safe. You can self refer to social services for support.

The very first time he wound up your young child should have been the last. The very first time he shouted at them should have been the last. And that’s not even factoring in everything else.

It’s scary that you genuinely cannot see how batshit it is that you let things get to this stage. What you’ve been doing isn’t ‘niceness’ or ‘kindness’ or any other virtue you may wish to pin it on. You've demonstrated a complete lack of common sense, judgement and backbone. It would be bad enough if you were living alone, but you actually did this with a child in the house, ffs.

No the 18year old who brought him to live with us has now recently moved in with her boyfriend. My 20year old who is also friends with him also lives with her boyfriend and she doesn't like her so called mate taking the piss either

Seriously OP why did you agree to take him in, with no spare bedroom and young children in the house? What were you thinking?

I think the saying 'no good deed goes unpunished' is said for a reason. I've certainly found that to be the case.

Then the 18 year old who brought him to live there can take him to live in her home.
And you need to get yourself some support as you’ve shown a real lack of judgement with a young child in the house.