Altercation over a changing cubicle

[AngeloMysterioso]

At swimming lesson with 5yo DS. He comes out of the pool, has a quick rinse under the shower, then I meet him, wrap his towel round him and we head to the nearest unlocked cubicle to get him changed. He goes in and starts undressing, I turn and shut the door, hang bags on pegs, start digging out DS’s dry clothes, carrier bag for wet stuff etc.

Then I turn round and realise someone’s left their fleece onesie thing and a few other bits on the bench. DS is already undressed at this point and the next lot of lessons has started so for all I know that stuff will be sitting there for the next half an hour. So I carry on getting DS changed which takes 5 minutes at the absolute most.

We come out of the cubicle, face to face with a very angry woman and her maybe 8 or 9 year old daughter, who starts ranting at me about how she’d left her kid’s stuff in there and she’s been getting cold, etc. I explained that I didn’t see it until my son was already undressed, and you don’t get to just dump your stuff in a cubicle and that means it’s reserved for you.

There’s a few minutes back and forth with her effing and blinding at me, in spite of me asking several times not to swear in front of my (and her) child. I ended up saying I wouldn’t apologise because I didn’t do anything wrong and turning my back to her and drying DS’s hair, while she continues calling me a bitch and saying I’m everything that’s wrong with people.

So… was I BU, or was she?

@cadburyegg Exactly. And 🙄 to the people who are insistent that it's standard behaviour and "works well". "Works well" if you don't think about other people/
children and no one's pulled you up on it because they don't want the hassle of arguing in the swimming pool changing rooms.

I don't even acknowledge people like that. They're nothing but vermin.

There are 6 cubicles in the family changing area in our local pool. There are separate, open-plan male and female changing rooms with no cubicles (just benches). Up to 4 classes of 8 kids happening at any one time, so at lesson changeover time there are 48 kids trying to find somewhere to change.

She wouldn't have abused me again!!

I know,I'm getting enraged myself!!!

In this case, you were unreasonable for going into an occupied cubicle and she was unreasonable for her reaction

She didn't need to put the stuff in a cubicle further away tbh, if she was only gonna be a minute whilst grabbing her dc, it's completely fair imo

Right now I understand why swimming pools in my native Scandinavian country only have female/male changing rooms with lockers for clothes, showers and benches.

What a bunch of entitled people you describe!

So if all the cubicles have stuff in, does that mean my DS just has to stand around and shiver until someone comes back, goes in, gets changed and comes out again? No matter how long it takes?

I had no idea if that stuff would be left there for a few minutes or half an hour. I’m not a mind reader…

The only problem with that set up is that primary aged children are often too old to feel comfortable in the opposite sex changing room, and too young to feel comfortable changing by themselves with a load of older kids in the correct sex changing room.

DS is 8 and while he is happy to get changed with his class in school swimming lessons, he is nervous about going into the men’s changing room by himself (he’ll go in quite happily with DH). There genuinely are much older kids in there - up to about age 14. He’s clearly too old to change in the women’s changing room with similar aged girls (it was fine when he was 4/5). So cubicles it is, for a year or two until he is happy changing in the men’s by himself.

Were the all the cubicles occupied?

If you were picking up dc from a swimming lesson, it's perfectly reasonable to believe that others were finishing at the same time

If you want to leave your stuff in a changing cubicle that’s on you, just don’t complain if someone else uses it for actual changing while you’re gone! It doesn’t matter how many minutes you think you will be, if you are not in it then you are not using it.
Whenever my kids are waiting for a cubicle, wanting to get dry, I take them into whichever one is free, whether there is stuff in there or not (if the others are in use, not by actual choice obviously!). We never touch/move anything and leave everything as is (unless of course anyone were to knock and ask - no-one ever has, no-one has ever come back before we’ve finished). We just get changed quickly around it. In and out within 6 minutes max…so about the same time pps say they “only” leave their things there for.
There are 8 family and 15 single cubicles at our local pool - no benches / narrow corridors, cubicle is the only changing option. There can be upwards of 50 kids getting out at the same time, so absolute carnage! Everyone knows this, everyone hates the battle, yet there are always at least 3 family cubicles left with just bags in them for upwards of 5-10 minutes at a time, while kids are stood there dripping wet, shivering, waiting patiently for cubicles to become free! How can you think it’s ok to make children wait ANY extra time to use that cubicle when yours isn’t even out of the shower yet?

No @Gymmum82 you wrap your kid in a towel and wait your turn.

Dunno… we went in the one we went in, and came out a few minutes later when we were done. But four different lessons were finishing and four starting at the same time so safe to say it was busy.

We have this but with family change cubicles. There’s only 4 but our leisure centre runs loads of toddler/preschooler lessons on the weekend. They’re the only ones with change tables and nappy bins as well.

I just use the unlocked “reserved” cubicle if there’s no other free empty ones. It’s so entitled to leave your stuff laying around, often because they can’t be bothered to put it in a locker.

It’s happened only once that we’ve had to use a “reserved” cubicle and the family came back whilst we were in there - Dad banged away on the door, I kept getting my toddler ready without saying anything, and once we were done I walked out and kept going without bothering to look at him or say anything. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Don't have a choice do they? At 8 yo you handle it yourself. Most take classes without their parents around at thst age.
Anyway year 4 go to the pools for swimming classes if you go to state school and then you learn the routine.

I am amazed at those who think putting their stuff in a cubicle whilst they shower think it's okay 😂 Other pool users have no idea if you've had your stuff in there for 30 seconds or 30 minutes.

Use it when you need it.

The cubicle wasn't occupied by anyone. That would obviously have been unreasonable but OP would have noticed if there was someone in there.

I've seen a towel and bag in a cubicle after getting in once, it was hung up so it wasn't immediately noticeable. I just assumed it was lost property, because obviously everyone knows to use a locker and you only go in the cubicle to change. We dressed, left, told the cleaner on the way out that there was lost property so he removed it. I had no idea until I saw this thread that people put towels in to "reserve" the cubicle, have never seen that. Other people might sit on your towel or knock it in the floor, it's a really silly thing to do. Just hang stuff by the shower pegs, wrap up and get dressed once you're by the cubicle. Most people are in and out of a cubicle in under 5 minutes anyway, so it's not long to wait if you can't get straight in.

Anyone yelling already showed they're the lunatic, that's the rules.

No , the rude woman was not using the cubicle so she shouldn’t have put her stuff there. If you are not using the cubicle put your stuff in a locker until you are ready.

Not sure why OP posted this if she just wants to disagree with everyone 🫠

Hardly. The majority of posters are agreeing with the OP.

I can't believe all the comments saying "Well I do this but only for five minutes whilst my kid has a shower" and suchlike. They walk among us! If there aren't enough cubicles, that also applies when your kid is showering and other people need a cubicle, FFS! Beyond inconsiderate! 😡

I nearly posted this on Saturday. Very busy after swimming lessons. Only free cubicle I could find had stuff in it already nicely packed in a bag so I put the bag outside the cubicle.

Dressed my young child who was freezing cold post lessons. He is nearly dressed so indication of time and the father comes back hammering on the door to shout at me.

I asked him to go get the manager if he was that upset and he disappeared

Good for you! Some really believe they are more important than others, in their entitlement.

I disagree

It's a nightmare juggling dc and bags and towels etc and the wet floor

It makes perfect sense to, just as you go and get them, pop their stuff in a cubicle

It's unreasonable to decide to just ignore someone's stuff being there