Altercation over a changing cubicle

[AngeloMysterioso]

At swimming lesson with 5yo DS. He comes out of the pool, has a quick rinse under the shower, then I meet him, wrap his towel round him and we head to the nearest unlocked cubicle to get him changed. He goes in and starts undressing, I turn and shut the door, hang bags on pegs, start digging out DS’s dry clothes, carrier bag for wet stuff etc.

Then I turn round and realise someone’s left their fleece onesie thing and a few other bits on the bench. DS is already undressed at this point and the next lot of lessons has started so for all I know that stuff will be sitting there for the next half an hour. So I carry on getting DS changed which takes 5 minutes at the absolute most.

We come out of the cubicle, face to face with a very angry woman and her maybe 8 or 9 year old daughter, who starts ranting at me about how she’d left her kid’s stuff in there and she’s been getting cold, etc. I explained that I didn’t see it until my son was already undressed, and you don’t get to just dump your stuff in a cubicle and that means it’s reserved for you.

There’s a few minutes back and forth with her effing and blinding at me, in spite of me asking several times not to swear in front of my (and her) child. I ended up saying I wouldn’t apologise because I didn’t do anything wrong and turning my back to her and drying DS’s hair, while she continues calling me a bitch and saying I’m everything that’s wrong with people.

So… was I BU, or was she?

YANBU. She probably reserves sun loungers at hotel pools too 😂

She was. I'd report her to the staff for her threatening behaviour. It's a huge no no here at swimming but you still get some selfish idiots who do it.

Here is an assertive script for this sort of thing: 'I can hear how angry and upset you are because you were inconvenienced. I'm offended and angry by your shouting and swearing. In future, you could avoid this if you didn't try to reserve a cubicle, but used a locker instead, as we are supposed to be. Good afternoon.

So you have recognised her emotions. You have told her about yours. You have politely suggested a remedy. Then you leave the situation. Job done!

@AngeloMysterioso that is what we would have done. Items would have been in locker. Pick up items from locker, meet child at showers, drape towel round them, then find empty cubicle, get dressed etc. Not difficult to do. Or meet kid at showers, find cubicle, then empty locker. Hogging cubicles is not fair. She was out of order for the swearing etc, there was no need for that. You made a genuine mistake and then got your son ready quickly. She could easily have tapped on the door and said excuse me ky kids clothes are in there.

Omg! They do this at my sons swimming sessions. I went in and got both my sons changed (20 mins) and they hadn't even returned! It's infuriating!

YWNBU. It used to drive me mad when people did this. Putting your stuff in a cubicle and then walking away does not mean you've reserved it. You had every right to use the cubicle, but should probably have dumped her stuff outside first.

At our pool, there are single cubicals available but limited double ones. I always needed a double one as my boys needed me in there too. If someone left their stuff in to reserve it, then I would remove it and use the cubical. You can't reserve a cubical.

I didn't know this reserving cubicles was a thing. I'd probably have taken their stuff to lost property if they'd not been waiting outside.

I'd purposely do that now just for them being cf and entitled.

My son has autism and I don't do this. It is selfish. You are stopping another child getting changed while you shower them- selfish to the max.

It's not selfish if there are plenty of changing rooms.

It is selfish. Just out of principle.

If you are putting your stuff in the cubicle BEFORE your kids are out of the pool / shower, there obviously will be plenty of changing rooms at that point…it’s when the hoards vacate the showers that changing space becomes sparse! You clearly realise this though - hence your desire to “be organised” and stake a claim to your own cubicle - just in case there aren’t any left by the time your kids are showered 🤔

No, there are plenty of rooms even at the peak of swimming lessons. I'm organised because I have 2 and one with SEN, and need to get them in the cubicle and change as quickly as humanly possible. This is for the benefit of everyone. These aren't family rooms but single cubicles of which there is an abundance.

I have two - including one with SEN and I don’t do this. It’s important for them to learn to think of others. There aren’t enough family rooms at our pool but reserving would make the issue ten times worse.

I agree it’s not selfish if you are picking the cubical at the very back that people don’t tend to use as it’s not as nice as the other ones.

However it’s completely selfish if you are getting one of the better, more accessible, at the front cubicles that have higher footfall.

The only way I'd be sympathetic to her is if she had unloaded her locker into the cubicle and headed back to the shower with shampoo, if she had left it the whole lesson/session she's the unreasonable one

I don't use family or accessible rooms. Single cubicles. I agree that reserving the family cubicles would be selfish as there aren't many of these.

It takes about as long to dry/dress as it does to shower, so that uses the cubicle twice as long as necessary. There is no reason why it's ok to make others wait for a shared resource that you aren't even using.

My local leisure centre has plenty of cubicles, but even more swimmers, so it's every man for himself when you get to the changing rooms. Lots of signs up saying you cannot reserve a cubicle, and yet so many parents hold a cubicle, either by standing in the doorway, or leave clothing in there whilst their LO showers. One time I pointed out the signs to a parent, she very begrudgingly let me use the cubicle she was standing in. Another time, a scooter was left in a cubicle
That ended up outside in the communal area while another parent used the cubicle.
OP, YWNBU