Altercation over a changing cubicle

[AngeloMysterioso]

At swimming lesson with 5yo DS. He comes out of the pool, has a quick rinse under the shower, then I meet him, wrap his towel round him and we head to the nearest unlocked cubicle to get him changed. He goes in and starts undressing, I turn and shut the door, hang bags on pegs, start digging out DS’s dry clothes, carrier bag for wet stuff etc.

Then I turn round and realise someone’s left their fleece onesie thing and a few other bits on the bench. DS is already undressed at this point and the next lot of lessons has started so for all I know that stuff will be sitting there for the next half an hour. So I carry on getting DS changed which takes 5 minutes at the absolute most.

We come out of the cubicle, face to face with a very angry woman and her maybe 8 or 9 year old daughter, who starts ranting at me about how she’d left her kid’s stuff in there and she’s been getting cold, etc. I explained that I didn’t see it until my son was already undressed, and you don’t get to just dump your stuff in a cubicle and that means it’s reserved for you.

There’s a few minutes back and forth with her effing and blinding at me, in spite of me asking several times not to swear in front of my (and her) child. I ended up saying I wouldn’t apologise because I didn’t do anything wrong and turning my back to her and drying DS’s hair, while she continues calling me a bitch and saying I’m everything that’s wrong with people.

So… was I BU, or was she?

No you are wrong, for behaving in such an entitled way. If my kid is ready to get changed but is hanging around because there are no cubicles free, because people like you have occupied them with stuff but are not actually using them, how does that make it fair?

Why shouldn't I? It's literally 5 mins and by the time anyone had told reception my children would already be getting changed.

She was so beyond in the wrong that I might have been tempted to organise a time and place without the children to fight her! 😂

Of course it is. And every pool has its peak time when all the cubicles are in constant use. Why do your clothes and stuff, take precedence over a another person who is completely ready just to get changed? Why should they hang around for you and your kids? Use a locker until you absolutely ready to use a cubicle.

I was also literally 5 minutes… and for all I knew that stuff would be sitting there for the entire duration of a swimming lesson.

They aren't waiting around, as I've explained, there are plenty of changing rooms even during peak swimming times. No one is hanging around.

There’s a sign up at our pool saying you’re not allowed to do this. People still do though.

But to me, they’re not as bad as PEOPLE ON THEIR OWN who take a family cubicle because they just fancy the extra space.

Why didn't she just knock of the door and say 'sorry, I think my daughters clothes are in there, could you pass them out please'.

Because if you are actually not ready to use a cubicle you shouldn’t put your stuff in there to „”reserve” it. Hang on to your things or put them into a locker.

You’re lucky the stuff doesn’t end up on a wet floor.

No one is that rude at my leisure centre.

Or maybe you’ve just been lucky so far.

You could have gone into a cubicle with nobody’s clothes in but you didn’t. You both escalated it, it sounds like she did all the swearing and you were a perfect meek little angel. I’m not buying you don’t see clothes in there, especially given they were a girls fleece vs you’d DS’s clothes.

Why shouldn't I? It's literally 5 mins and by the time anyone had told reception my children would already be getting changed.

Because as this thread shows, anyone could miss that you'd left stuff in there and use the cubicle. Or, someone else who had reserved a different cubicle with their stuff might even mistake your towels etc for theirs if they look similar.

I’m not buying you don’t see clothes in there

Clearly you've never been in our local pool then, the cubicles are so dark you'd miss most clothes on a bench unless they were bright yellow!

The verbally abusive woman should have not had her stuff in there. Very selfish and entitled behaviour.

Why not? If her kid was in the shower it’s pretty standard to just put your stuff in a cubicle, it certainly is at our local pool when the lessons for the kids are on. If it had been in there for hours then sure but we don’t know if that’s the case.

YANBU. You can’t “reserve” a cubicle, I’d have used it and moved her stuff outside. I just don’t understand people’s aversion to lockers. You seem the same mentality in the gym with people leaving their bags by equipment because they refuse to use a locker, because they are clearly more important than you. It’s just being entitled and you see it everywhere these days. Rules just don’t apply to them

But why? Why do people have to hang around for you and your kids, when they need to use a cubicle there and then but can’t because you and loads of other people have „”reserved” a cubicle with your stuff? How is that fair?

You are not unreasonable. She's a terrible arsehole. I've had similar happen to me. To all the people who think you can bagsy a changing room by leaving your stuff in it- wake up to yourselves you selfish morons, if everyone carried on like that there'd be nowhere for you to bagsy in the first place because someone else's shit would be in there already (and that includes people who do it while on their way to fetch their kid- it's still rude and selfish). Everyone hates the swimming pool changing rooms after lessons, but some people make it so much worse. Well done for standing up for yourself OP, and I'm sorry this awful fuckwit lost her rag in front of your child.

I’ve now explained multiple times why I didn’t see them until my DS was already undressed 🙄 I was not a “perfect meek little angel” but I am capable of standing my ground without raising my voice and using abusive language, especially in front of children. And I didn’t want to escalate it because she was scaring my son.

And to be honest, if I had seen the clothes in there, and gone to the next one, what if that has clothes in it? And the next one, and the next one, and the next one? What if there aren’t any “free” cubicles because each one is occupied not by any actual people, just by stuff left there by some entitled arse?

My kid had a shower… and I kept hold of our stuff until we went into a cubicle to change. It really isn’t that hard.

As I said, but you ignored, it’s fairly standard at our local pool that whilst a child is having a shower parents will put stuff in a cubicle quickly, come back out, pass a towel to their child and then they go into said cubicle. It works well, you don’t get kids coming out of the shower and standing around cold. There’s very little hanging around and I don’t recall ever seeing arguments about it…maybe different places have different systems, evidently that didn’t occur to you.

Yep, there are maybe 15 cubicles at our swimming pool. Up to 4/5 lessons at different stages are going on at the same time, with up to 8 kids per lesson. So up to 40 kids all having a lesson at the same time. It doesn't take a genius to work out that there aren't enough cubicles by half for everyone to "reserve" them.

There are bigger group changing rooms split by sex but I feel like my 10yo DS is too big now to go into the women's (this point of discussion crops up on MN from time to time) and I can't go into the men's. So cubicle it is

YANBU
Absolutely not!!!!
She is a dick! And a bad role model for her children.