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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Altercation over a changing cubicle

269 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 15/01/2025 18:24

At swimming lesson with 5yo DS. He comes out of the pool, has a quick rinse under the shower, then I meet him, wrap his towel round him and we head to the nearest unlocked cubicle to get him changed. He goes in and starts undressing, I turn and shut the door, hang bags on pegs, start digging out DS’s dry clothes, carrier bag for wet stuff etc.

Then I turn round and realise someone’s left their fleece onesie thing and a few other bits on the bench. DS is already undressed at this point and the next lot of lessons has started so for all I know that stuff will be sitting there for the next half an hour. So I carry on getting DS changed which takes 5 minutes at the absolute most.

We come out of the cubicle, face to face with a very angry woman and her maybe 8 or 9 year old daughter, who starts ranting at me about how she’d left her kid’s stuff in there and she’s been getting cold, etc. I explained that I didn’t see it until my son was already undressed, and you don’t get to just dump your stuff in a cubicle and that means it’s reserved for you.

There’s a few minutes back and forth with her effing and blinding at me, in spite of me asking several times not to swear in front of my (and her) child. I ended up saying I wouldn’t apologise because I didn’t do anything wrong and turning my back to her and drying DS’s hair, while she continues calling me a bitch and saying I’m everything that’s wrong with people.

So… was I BU, or was she?

OP posts:
Whatonearth07957 · 15/01/2025 18:26

She was

Sirzy · 15/01/2025 18:27

You can’t reserve a cubicle. I would probably have moved her stuff outside when I noticed it (more to stop it getting mixed with mine!) but wouldn’t have apolgoised

Icedlatteplease · 15/01/2025 18:28

You didn't spot someone else's stuff on the bench?

Really?

Saschka · 15/01/2025 18:30

She was! We have this in our pool, people leave their kids’ clothes in there for up to an hour (there are only 6 cubicles).

Last time we got changed, somebody after us got changed, and the owner of the clothes came back and kicked off when the third family was in there getting changed. We all told her to pipe down but really the leisure centre need to address it, and ban people who do it. They won’t though…

comedycentral · 15/01/2025 18:30

She was very unreasonable over what sounds like a small misunderstanding.

Glitterybee · 15/01/2025 18:31

YANBU

AngeloMysterioso · 15/01/2025 18:31

Icedlatteplease · 15/01/2025 18:28

You didn't spot someone else's stuff on the bench?

Really?

Really. The pegs are on the other side of the door so I had my back to the bench from when I went in to when I turned round to give DS his clothes, by which point he was already undressed.

OP posts:
Dotto · 15/01/2025 18:31

She was. She was very much looking forward to having that rant at you too, that she waited patiently outside of the door for, in silence. Feel sorry for the daughter though.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/01/2025 18:33

I don't think she was unreasonable initially - when collecting dd from the pool, I put her stuff in a cubicle just before I go and get her, so I'm not carrying everything

In that situation, I would've moved her to another cubicle

The escalation I think is down to both of you, you for being unreasonable first and then refusing to apologise and then her for swearing and getting heated

Yabu

AngeloMysterioso · 15/01/2025 18:41

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/01/2025 18:33

I don't think she was unreasonable initially - when collecting dd from the pool, I put her stuff in a cubicle just before I go and get her, so I'm not carrying everything

In that situation, I would've moved her to another cubicle

The escalation I think is down to both of you, you for being unreasonable first and then refusing to apologise and then her for swearing and getting heated

Yabu

She was swearing and getting heated from the moment we came out of the cubicle, and that's not the way to get me to apologise even if I was in the wrong, which I don't believe I was. She could have tapped on the door and asked me to pass her daughter's stuff out, but she didn't. She could have left the things on the counter by the hairdryers so her daughter could grab it and take it to a cubicle herself, but she didn't. She could have put it in a cubicle further from the pool which people would be less likely to use, but she didn't.

OP posts:
diddl · 15/01/2025 18:45

Why didn't she just ask for the stuff?

I can see from her pov if there were other cubicles she might have thought that you were using that one intentionally to make a point.

But to just stand & do nothing is daft.

I have a favourite locker when I go swimming & I do feel put out when someone else is using it!🙄😂

Katemax82 · 15/01/2025 18:48

People always reserve cubicles at our pool it's fucking annoying

Mumlaplomb · 15/01/2025 18:49

People leave their clothes in the larger family cubicles at our swimming pool to “reserve them”. They aren’t meant to do it. When I’m with my two kids and there’s no free cubicles we simply take the clothes out and leave them outside and use the cubicle. It’s cheeky of them to try and reserve them and stop potentially two lots of others from using them. You also did this accidentally so I’d be telling her to jog on.

malmi · 15/01/2025 18:50

Unless she was literally in the middle of shuttling stuff from the locker into the cubicle (in which case she could have stopped you before you had got anywhere), YANBU.

Gymmum82 · 15/01/2025 18:50

When I used to take my kids swimming there wasn’t enough cubicles so you did have to put your stuff in one to reserve it while your kid showered. Scraps over cubicles was a regular occurance. Tbh you should have checked the cubicle before you went in and she shouldn’t have shouted. Both to blame

Smallsalt · 15/01/2025 18:50

I had the exact same scenario a few years ago. Cubicles, no benches or anything for communal changing, Plenty of lockers. But people in the previous class kept leaving all their stuff in the cubicles during the lesson, so the later class had nowwhere to change.

Generally I just scooped stuff up and dumped in a locker. But on one occasion I did what you did, locked the door with the stuff inside. I had the same irate response.

I told her that it wasnt her cubicle, that cubicles can't be reserved etc
She went mental! So mental Infact that she got banned from the swimming classes!

Bakedpotatoes · 15/01/2025 18:50

I do this for my kids after swimming lessons whilst they pop for a quick rinse and I would be annoyed if someone went in there and continued getting changed even after seeing my stuff. Could you not have wrapped your child up and moved once you had seen it?

I don't think she was right to rant and swear at you but it's really impolite to do that and you could have apologised briefly and moved on. Honestly I despair of the examples people set their children.

devilspawn · 15/01/2025 18:51

No one in the history of the human race has changed a 5 year old at a pool in 5 minutes.

Dotto · 15/01/2025 18:53

Bakedpotatoes · 15/01/2025 18:50

I do this for my kids after swimming lessons whilst they pop for a quick rinse and I would be annoyed if someone went in there and continued getting changed even after seeing my stuff. Could you not have wrapped your child up and moved once you had seen it?

I don't think she was right to rant and swear at you but it's really impolite to do that and you could have apologised briefly and moved on. Honestly I despair of the examples people set their children.

But changing cubicles are not reservable, and you're not allowed to do this? So you're setting a poor example too.

malmi · 15/01/2025 18:53

Gymmum82 · 15/01/2025 18:50

When I used to take my kids swimming there wasn’t enough cubicles so you did have to put your stuff in one to reserve it while your kid showered. Scraps over cubicles was a regular occurance. Tbh you should have checked the cubicle before you went in and she shouldn’t have shouted. Both to blame

Whoever is first out the shower should get first dibs on the cubicles. Clothes don't need to be in there by themselves. Shame

HellofromJohnCraven · 15/01/2025 18:55

She was lucky you didn't dump her stuff outside the cubicle.
When my older kids were of swimming lesson age it was a constant issue. People who had kids in subsequent lessons would arrive at 3.30 and occupy them until their last child had finished.
It was critical to my decision for dd3 to have private lessons in a private pool when her time came. I just didn't have it in me!

DeliciousApples · 15/01/2025 18:56

Does nobody use lockers?
Our council pool has many lockers and we are all expected to bring a spare £1 coin to use them. I tell the lifeguard if someone leaves stuff in a cubicle so he/she can put it somewhere safe so it doesn't get nicked.

Bakedpotatoes · 15/01/2025 18:57

Dotto · 15/01/2025 18:53

But changing cubicles are not reservable, and you're not allowed to do this? So you're setting a poor example too.

Edited

5 mins laying their clothes out whilst they shower is not reserving. Leaving them there for an hour is understandably not okay.

namechangetheworld · 15/01/2025 18:58

I don't believe you, or your five year old, didn't notice someone else's stuff in a changing room you were occupying. Complete tosh.

Dotto · 15/01/2025 18:58

Bakedpotatoes · 15/01/2025 18:57

5 mins laying their clothes out whilst they shower is not reserving. Leaving them there for an hour is understandably not okay.

It is reserving, whether it's 5 or 50 mins.

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