Altercation over a changing cubicle

[AngeloMysterioso]

At swimming lesson with 5yo DS. He comes out of the pool, has a quick rinse under the shower, then I meet him, wrap his towel round him and we head to the nearest unlocked cubicle to get him changed. He goes in and starts undressing, I turn and shut the door, hang bags on pegs, start digging out DS’s dry clothes, carrier bag for wet stuff etc.

Then I turn round and realise someone’s left their fleece onesie thing and a few other bits on the bench. DS is already undressed at this point and the next lot of lessons has started so for all I know that stuff will be sitting there for the next half an hour. So I carry on getting DS changed which takes 5 minutes at the absolute most.

We come out of the cubicle, face to face with a very angry woman and her maybe 8 or 9 year old daughter, who starts ranting at me about how she’d left her kid’s stuff in there and she’s been getting cold, etc. I explained that I didn’t see it until my son was already undressed, and you don’t get to just dump your stuff in a cubicle and that means it’s reserved for you.

There’s a few minutes back and forth with her effing and blinding at me, in spite of me asking several times not to swear in front of my (and her) child. I ended up saying I wouldn’t apologise because I didn’t do anything wrong and turning my back to her and drying DS’s hair, while she continues calling me a bitch and saying I’m everything that’s wrong with people.

So… was I BU, or was she?

If I opened a cubicle and saw clothes on the bench. I would assume it was in use.

I would check it wasn’t in use before going in and closing the door behind me.

She could have knocked and said "excuse me, our stuff is in there". No reason for her to wait until you're coming out.

Quite. There was a kick off at our local soft play at the weekend that could have been avoided if some people weren’t so chippy. Sadly something that seems to be increasing these days…

Wow. Calm down. People are getting themselves really worked up over this issue. There are always plenty of changing rooms at the leisure centre by me so no one will be shivering, other than a child whose clothes are being held in a changing room by someone else

She was selfish, entitled, rude and obnoxious.

She was in the wrong. I bloody hate cubicle reservers. They always have a reason why the rules don't apply to them. Selfish and antisocial.

Why would she move? The other people could take their stuff elsewhere much more easily. It is absolutely insane that anyone thinks someone should move their wet and undressed child instead of someone who wasn’t actually occupying the cubicle!

She was rude to react the way she did but you have no idea how long she left her things for. It could’ve been for under a minute. You locked her stuff away for 5+ minutes. Just because she might be an asshole doesn’t mean you had to be.

And that is the fault of the person who put the clothes in a cubicle they did not plan to use immediately!

So she was too tight / lazy / arrogant to get change for a locker and decided that she would block a cubicle instead, then go looking for a confrontation; and people here are defending her.

OP, you did nowt wrong she did nowt right.

I bet she drives a Range Rover, too!

So you would leave a child cold just to prove a point?

I didn’t “lock her stuff away”, there was absolutely nothing stopping her from tapping on the door and asking me to pass it out to her. She certainly had no problem using her voice when we came out! You make it sound like I was holding them for ransom.

I don’t understand the premise of your question. If my child is in the cubicle getting changed then no I would not move them for some rude person who tried to bag a cubicle! I would absolutely hand over the clothes immediately they were requested or probably pop them outside actually.

Verbal abuse is totally unacceptable - especially in front to children. I hope you reported this to the manager. Hopefully they can ban her.

This happens in our swimming lessons too, to the point that the swimming school have emailed all parents more than once to remind them not to "reserve" cubicles.

I have used a cubicle with belongings left in it when there weren't any spare, and didn't feel bad about it. Our changing rooms are mixed sex and my child is 11 so the communal bench isn't really suitable...

I just finished getting DS sorted and left, she was really starting to frighten him so I didn't want to hang around.

What are you supposed to do with all yours and your kids stuff whilst you're showering your dc's unless you put it in a cubicle.

Everyone did this over years of lessons at our leisure centre, never had a problem.

I personally think you were wrong to go in a cubicle with someone's stuff in yes, and i don't beleive for one minute you didn't notice her stuff until he was undressed. But she was wrong to shout and swear. You don't cover yourself in glory here though.

Ok this post is giving me a serious case of dejavu!

Starting to agree with others who’ve pointed out that mumsnet is recycling old posts and they’re not even rewording them to make it seem less obvious 😡

Hopefully it'll make her think twice about trying to reserve the cubicle until she finally sees fit to use it! I read a very satisfying post about a guy who realised people at his local station were 'reserving' spaces in the bike locker with padlocks so he checked underneath to see which ones were empty and cut off all the padlocks with bolt cutters, then watched them arriving to see they now had nowhere to leave their bikes like they'd been doing to him!

But that’s not right and you shouldn’t be doing that. You should only use the cubicle when you are actually ready to use it. It’s inconsiderate of others.

OP you did nothing wrong, in fact you did the right thing. Clearly this woman was an entitled pleb. I would make a point of mentioning this to reception, because at our local pool, they would often send someone down to clear all the „”reserved” cubicles of clothes and all the bits.

I've explained how it happened that I didn't see her things there, do you need me to draw you a picture?

I carry the bags while my DS has a quick rinse in the shower then he comes over to me, I put the towel around him and we find a cubicle and get changed. If people want to do the whole shampoo shower gel faff then they can leave the rest of their stuff in a locker until they're ready to use it. It's really very simple.

This - you can’t reserve a cubicle but I do wonder if she needed to take her daughter to toilet or something - I do find it hard to believe that you did not see that much stuff in a changing room cubicle which was supposedly empty. I suspect you took your chances

I think you are in the wrong for this. You can keep most of the stuff in a locker, and take your stuff out the moment you need a cubicle. Why should people be standing around, waiting for a cubicle because you have „”reserved” it with your things, and it’s not in actual use?

She was. However I'm not sure how you missed the clothes in the cubicle. She should have knocked on the door and at least you could have passed the DC their towel.
Last week at my DC swimming, not one single cubicle was empty. Everyone that wasn't locked had someone's clothes in. The showers aren't big enough for everyone to be showering, so definitely not a pre shower reserve situation.

I've explained how it happened that I didn't see her things there, do you need me to draw you a picture?

No, not really. I can imagine what went down 😉 and judging by your snippy responses I can imagine what kind of person you are too.