Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

I must be a bellend because me and mine matter to me, other peoples fuck ups or mistakes with their kids are their problem. I don’t anticipate to have to solve the problems of cheeky/lazy fuckers so don’t plan ahead.

Oh I forgot children’s resilience! Destroys children’s resilience and development!

I can't believe some people think uninvited siblings should be accommodated.

I also don’t think it will kill James to learn that his mum is human and made a mistake and sadly that impacts him sometimes. My own kids have had to deal with it such as when I went to the wrong trampoline park. Learning that life doesn’t go to plan is not the end of the world. It may even teach them a bit of resilience

I mean FFS and I don’t mean to keep banging on about it but my son has had spells of chronic pain… it is absolutely hideous to watch the person you love more than anyone, except his sister, double over and crying uncontrollably in agony, and being able to do very little about it… invasive and unpleasant medical intervention and awful hospital stays when he just wants to be at home on his games and he’s come out the other side absolutely fine, even knowing his peers don’t have to experience the same. Other kids might do well to toughen up a little bit!

Anyway, to lighten the mood I’m slightly gutted DH is doing the school run tomorrow just to see if she has lasers coming out her retinas at me. I’ve briefed him to see if she looks angrily at him but hell probably forget or say “which one is she she again?”

Ohh yes we must toughen those little kids up a bit! 💪🏻 Teach them to get on in the real world! 🫡

The way to do that is NO SPARE PARTY BAGS at a party!

Crikey, my boys are older now but I can't imagine that they would have been devastated at any age if they didn't get a party bag. If they were very young, they would have got over it in 1 minute. If a little older and I explained that I forgot to RSVP, an ice cream or some other treat or probably nothing would have made them forget about missing out on stuff that they would have been bored of in 2 minutes.
I appreciate that a £12 party bag is a bit of a luxury but not enough for complete devastation.
The woman is mad. Ignore her. She wants a response . Don't give in to her.

No I wouldn’t 🤣 I didn’t expect anyone to be fawning over the party bags, it was just a nice option that saved me one less job.

But I’ll make sure next time I get pros slows ones for every child in the school, nay the planet, lest they make a surprise appearance 😂

But disorganisation frequently do happen, plus there’s very often a stray sibling in attendance that cheeky fuckers expect to be part of the party with no warning

Fixed that for you.

Or.. you could just get a couple extra for contingencies like most people do.

Sorry to read this OP. That must be awful. It's bad enough when they are teething & there's so little you can do to stop the pain. When they are older it's even worse. Thankfully he's come out the other side ok. It's wonderfull you gave him a special birthday.

The woman in question obviously needs to address her own frustration whatever is causing it before taking it out on others. I hope you manage to remain on reasonable terms. She obviously has her own troubles or I assume a party bag would be the least of her worries.

Every kid who RSVPd did get one. In the absence of me having psychic powers I did not expect James to turn up.

Ignore her.

The best post I’ve read in a long time! I’m 100% Team OP!

This is rather a low blow when I’m talking about my actual son’s disease. But you go ahead and make fun of it.

But to answer you… why can’t kids toughen up? Why can’t the small things be used to show kids that sometimes life is unfair or they don’t get what they expected? That they are lucky in many ways and perhaps some perspective and acceptance wouldn’t go amiss?

Is that so horrific?

Or you could just not turn up to a birthday party. She has had no issues with messaging or calling OP now with her complaints, she could've done it before the party so at least OP would've had some warning.

Not at all.

Especially at 8. We're not talking about toddlers here.

Well I’m thinking he’s either devastated about the party bag because she’s told him to be or he’s been so overly coddled that the slightest inconvenience or adversity breaks him. It’s not his fault either way but nor is it my responsibility. I just find it…interesting that the kids who are massive wet wipes just happen to have wet wipe parents 🧐

I don’t think most people DO do that. I think most people RSVP and therefore it’s not a problem.

I understand . And it’s not your fault that James didn’t have one. And Amanda was extremely rude.

And… at the same time it is widespread practice if you are throwing a kids party, to get a couple of extra bags , for RSVP/ headcount mishaps , stray siblings , etc, as this is a very common occurrence , (doesn’t require psychic powers to anticipate) and after all , despite their CFer / lazy/ incompetent parents, they are just little kids and it’s a party. That’s all. It’s not that deep.

Just caught up @JandamiHash, she really is a complete knob!

I wasn’t making fun of your son’s disease. I was making fun of your suggestion that we shouldn’t give out spare party bags to toughen children up.

For a whole class party perhaps but for something that has clear instructions of RSVP by X date then no!

Thank you, his condition is rare so there’s very little understanding of it even with HCPs but we are in a “good weeks” spell and his latest treatment plan seems to have helped. He’s a little trooper, I am very proud of him and his sister too who, despite right now seeming to think me and DH are the saddest acts she’s ever met (unless she wants something in which case she is lovely 🤣) is very compassionate towards her little brother’s condition.

And you’re spot on - “you need a real problem Amanda” springs to mind.