Therapist won’t let me cancel!

[Moocow1995]

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

She sounds exceedingly unprofessional. Perhaps talk to the professional body that she belongs to

I voted YABU because you just simply need to tell her you're not going back

Just get a new therapist.
Honestly, I don't even know why you are worried about it! My mum is a therapist and people don't come back for various reasons all the time.

When I have had therapy I have shopped around too.

Definitely don't out money into something that isn't benefitting you. Would you continue to pay a bad hairdresser?
Therapy is a service and you are the customer.

Block, stop attending, report her to her authority body. She can make a recommended treatment plan but to hound you and waste your sessions is unprofessional

Don’t spend any more money on this ridiculous situation. She is behaving in a very unprofessional way and that is more than enough reason to stop seeing her.

I would not only cancel immediately, I would contact her professional body if she continues to contact you. That is why professional organisations are there.

This does not sound helpful! Please send her the email. As PP have said it sounds unprofessional. Is she accredited with the BABCP, because it doesn't sound like she's following their code of practice.

She shouldn't be giving you advice.

She sounds deeply unprofessional.

You are under no obligation to go again ever.

I would just email her. Tell her no more.

And that that.

Block her. Don't go back.

Email as you outlined, include that you want NO further contact and if she gets in touch other than to acknowledge your report her to her professional body.

That is that.

Stop going from now.

As you have no contract and haven’t signed up to a ‘course’ of sessions, you can stop any time. Send the email. I wouldn’t even carry on for more than one session as it sounds like it (ie she) will be awkward.

Then block her so that she can’t inundate you.

And agree with PP, I would inform her accredited body. She is behaving very unprofessionally.

I would report her!

say no more communication needed from her with immediate effect

Therapist here - hi!
This sounds like really unethical behaviour. I would cancel your sessions immediately and perhaps report this to her governing body if she’s a member.
You are under no obligation to attend therapy and can cancel whenever you like. As a therapist, I respect my clients autonomy.

I would cancel with immediate effect and make it clear in the email that you have found her approach towards you wanting to end your sessions both stressful and unprofessional and that you do not want any further contact now. If she ignores that and harasses you further, send one more short message saying if she persists in contacting you, you’ll be forced to report her to her professional body.

She is totally in the wrong here, so don’t let her wear you down.

You have every right to decide you no longer want to attend sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now

I would absolutely include that in the email ending it saying ‘so I will no longer be using your services’.

Appalling behaviour!

This isn't ok. I would stop going as of today and send her some really clear feedback on how unprofessional she has been if you can. And/or report her.

She sounds VERY unprofessional and seems to be using you as a regular income, even though you probably don't need the therapy now.

Just email her and end the contract, thanking her for her therapy over the years, but you've decided you no longer require therapy.

This kind of unwarranted pressure would just make me decide not to ever go back. She’s behaving unethically, and has more of an eye on her bank balance, than on your well-being, imo.

You said it at the end of May, it is now January. I cannot believe you went back all these months. What is she going to do exactly? Show up at your home address? I would have put a stop to it long ago. Cancel, stop paying, don't respond to messages or phone calls. Report her to her professional body with the record of times and frequency of communications. Job done.

I would also report her. She is being extremely unprofessional. Client sessions are supposed to be in the service of the client, not the therapist, which she is clearly failing to do by spending your time pressuring you to continue/have more sessions. It also ignoring client autononomy - another important principle.

bacp-ethical-framework-for-the-counselling-professions-2018.pdf

Oh God I think I know who this woman is. If she's the one I think she is, she's not genuinely regulated by anyone (she's invented a fake governing body that's not BACP and she's on the board), so just send a message terminating then go full NC with her and block her everywhere. If it's the same person, I think she's a raging narcissist and she has form for this sort of behaviour. I'm so sorry if you've got entangled with her, she seems so legit on the surface.
If it's not her, she sounds similar so I'd still send a final message then block and not open any responses if she gets around the block (but at least if it's not her she might be a member of BACP and you can definitely report there).

whilst I agree with other posts I would also add , that part of therapy is about empowering you . This is not empowering .

Send an email to say you won’t be returning for any more sessions due to her profound unprofessional behaviour and wasting your session time. Tell her in your email that if she responds, pursues or adds any more pressure you will give her details to the correct people to report her for harassment. Block all her numbers as soon as you hit send.

If she has any higher ups, report this behaviour as you feel it is using her position of power to financially gain from a person in their care. If she’s doing it to you she likely is others also.