Therapist won’t let me cancel!

[Moocow1995]

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

All she's worried about is the fact she's going to lose £100 per month(or whatever it is) she may be pointing it out as "well you NEED this" but I doubt it's in your best interests considering how unprofessional she sounds...

Agree, I was told once that she doesn't want to hear "parent bashing " so refused to talk about any difficult situations I had as a child with my mother... then when I told her I'm very jealous in my relationship spent the whole session talking about a time her husband went away with work for the night and had a meal with a woman colleague and how she just had to get over it etc ..🙄 cost me £60 to hear that story

Give her a firm date when you want the sessions to stop and don't enter into any more conversation. I'm assuming you have to give very little notice outside their mandatory notice for cancelling a session? If it was me I'd drop her an email the week before you want your last session to be to tell her. If she starts bombarding you with calls block her number. If you think she's going to give you a hard time in your last session just don't attend - you're either paying £75 for a session where she's going to berate you or £75 for a session you don't attend but you can then cut all ties and have some peace.

I am attending a therapist too who is the same. Told me he would prefer if I have to miss a session, that we have two the following week.

Hi @Moocow1995 I’m a therapist and what you describe is highly unprofessional. I would email her to say you are not coming to any more sessions (you owe her NOTHING) and furthermore I would report her to whichever professional body she is registered with to stop her doing this again (if you’re not sure who she is registered with but you know her job title I can point you in the right direction). I’m so sorry you are in this situation - it is very manipulative and an abuse of power.

I have trained as a therapist and I can tell you that she is being very unprofessional. Do not waste anymore money, cancel your next appointment via email and if she contacts you, stick to your guns and don't get talked into booking more sessions.

I’d be interested to know if the therapist continues the bullying on email. If so, great evidence to send her licensing body.

I think you've exchanged an abusive man for an abusive therapist. She sounds disgraceful and unbalanced. Cancel with immediate effect and block her on everything. To do anything else would be utterly unreasonable. Spend the money on going out to lunch with your partner or getting your hair done or cute baby outfits or whatever gives you joy.

As a counsellor I will confirm that this is far from professional and although we can advise our clients on further sessions we cannot be pushy it sound alike she's struggling financially and wants to up her sessions with you for her reasons which is not professional she needs to keep her own life separate from yours. I'd suggest walking away at this point and if she contacts you after this contact her accrediting body with your concerns so they can ensure she has the support she needs to continue her work or step back as they determine what's best.

Why have you kept going back! Report her for pressurising you and ask her for a 50% refund on your sessions since she did not spend it on therapy.

ahe sees you as a cash cow.

Don't be ridiculous.

Psychologist here. I can’t quite believe what I’m reading. I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. This is not normal, it is totally inappropriate and unprofessional. The sheer audacity of your therapist! There is no evidence base for weekly sessions for the type of therapeutic work you are doing, so the fact she kicked off about that makes me question her ethics. Personally I don’t do private work but if I did I would be mindful of the fact sessions are expensive, and most people cannot afford weekly sessions or for therapy to go on indefinitely. She’s got pound signs in her eyes and is taking advantage of the inherent therapist - client power imbalance by essentially bullying you. Definitely email, cancelling all sessions. I really would report her to the BACP too, she is trying to take financial advantage of vulnerable people and this needs to stop.

Sorry you had this experience.

Find a new one!

This thread just shows how unreliable "therapy" can be - people should be prepared to make their own judgements. The person who claimed it was ridiculous to say something derogatory about the therapist should read the comments people have made!

I said that the poster who said "OMG, I think I know who this (therapist) is!!" was ridiculous. Because it was.

That's not what that poster said, as she has confirmed. Perhaps you should realise that you have misinterpreted.

It sounds like the therapist was codependent on you.

So put that in your letter ! … based on the work you have done with her you are setting your own boundaries!

Is it a test & when you've got the balls to fully cancel you've passed?!

Cancel immediately if you have no obligations and make sure to tell her that you would have continued if she hadn’t pressured you in this way and done what she was paid to do. Can you also post a review of her services online?

This makes me so sad - I had therapist who was not dissimilar and I wish I had called her out but I never did. I bottled it and sent an email saying I wasn’t coming back because work was relocating me and I felt uneasy about it for ages afterwards.

Your therapist sounds a bit horrendous - not to say she hasn’t been with you through some important stuff but remember that work was done by you! As others have said, she categorically should NOT be giving you advice.

It was ironic for me that it was raging codependency and people pleasing that took me to therapy in the first place, and I ended up in the same dynamic with her…I only say that because I wondered when I read your post whether that was part of what was happening for you.

You can ABSOLUTELY end this relationship immediately, however you see fit. It’s bordering on abusive, when you consider how she’s using your time together and the financial gain she is making.

Very best of luck…this shit is hard!! X

Wow. Firstly, as a CBT therapist, there is a strong belief, backed with evidence, that fortnightly sessions can have more of a therapeutic benefit as this offers the patient time to consolidate, process and practice techniques.

Her sessions are cearly making you feel worse than better, and am sorry this is happening. She needs reporting to the professional body who holds her accreditation. And you have evidence to back this up.

Good luck, take care, and do what's best for you.

Cancel her and block her. If you need to pick back up with a therapist in the future, find a better one. They are not all good. I had a friend who went to one for months after a bereavement and came away a shell of themseleves due to constantly being made to relive traumatising events. I'm sure there are good ones out there but if it doesn't work for ou, move on. It's no different to any other service.

Just stop going. Block her number, block from social media if applicable and just move on. She has been very unprofessional and charging you £15 for every 10 minutes of ranting about your sessions is theft. Block and report.

As others have said just cancel and don't go back if you have cancelled in the required time frame for the next session, i.e. 48 hours or whatever she asks for. Also yes I would report her unprofessional attitude, she's meant to be helping not causing you stress!