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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Therapist won’t let me cancel!

262 replies

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 12:26

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 15/01/2025 13:23

Fuck that, don’t go back. No way should she be trying to push you into anything.

XWKD · 15/01/2025 13:24

She sounds very childish. She's not doing her job by moaning at you and harassing you.

Breadcat24 · 15/01/2025 13:25

Why wait to the end of May? You are not getting anything out of this

PromoJoJo · 15/01/2025 13:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

Kitchenspade · 15/01/2025 13:27

Sounds a bit like bullying you into going. A bullying therapist. Might not be the job for her!

OTannenbaumOTannenbaum · 15/01/2025 13:28

Stop completely. A good therapist allows you to back off when you need to.

sonjadog · 15/01/2025 13:28

Just send her an email that you are stopping this now. I think you have got your roles muddled up in this relationship. You are paying her for a service that you can stop at any time. She doesn't get a say in whether you stop or not. If she hassles you, tell her to leave you alone.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 15/01/2025 13:28

She sounds extremely unprofessional, so bad I think she might be in strike off territory. I would send formal cancellation with immediate effect notice.

GoldGuide · 15/01/2025 13:29

"Hi,

As previously discussed, I've been considering whether to cut down on our sessions further. Given that recent sessions have involved me wasting my hard-earned money on time used by you to instead guilt-trip me to spend more money rather than for the service I'm paying for(!), it's been an easy decision to make.

There'll be no further sessions. Any further correspondence will be reported to the professional body.

All the best"

And then simply block!

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/01/2025 13:29

FOJN · 15/01/2025 13:22

Do not go to another appointment. Inform her by email that you will not see her again and then block her. She sounds really unprofessional, stop worrying that it's your fault, its not.

This is what I would do. Absolutely outrageous. I had to have a lot of counselling and after about 20 or so sessions she said to me that she felt it was time for me to take away the tools that I'd learned and apply them to my new situation. She was amazing and so supportive and said I could of course come back any time. That is the sort of person you should be seeking.

redboxer321 · 15/01/2025 13:32

I had a therapist try to keep to weekly sessions once when I said I could only afford fortnightly. She argued, we eventually agreed and she dumped me at the end of the next session!
There's some shocking therapists out there. A number who are in it totally for themselves. Wolves in sheep clothing.

As many others have said, don't wait, just leave now.

Ihopeyouhavent · 15/01/2025 13:32

I voted for YABU, only because you're adult and should have told her weeks ago you are cancelling. Cancel and block.

25GB · 15/01/2025 13:33

She sounds awful! Is she trying to say you need the sessions or is she desperate for the business? And you are paying £75!! In any case, just stop going to her completely.

Labrawindow · 15/01/2025 13:34

When I read threads about therapists on here I'm so grateful for mine. Mine would NEVER do this, the session is 100% about me, if I can't attend for whatever reason she accepts it. If I cancelled tomorrow that would be that.

What training has she had? She sounds like she's over stepping professional boundaries, which should be a huge part of her training. the therapeutic relationship can't work properly without them, so it'll be affecting your progress for sure.

Just cancel and move on, May is ages away, you don't owe her anything.

LostittoBostik · 15/01/2025 13:34

Definitely get a new therapist. You're not under contract. Send her an email, cancel your direct debit, stop going. That's it.

JanglingJack · 15/01/2025 13:35

Very unprofessional. All therapists should be in therapy themselves to navigate all that is put upon them. All the good ones will be doing this.

Yours sounds like she never has. She should be pleased that she's helped your life to progress so much that you're now expecting a baby. She should be letting you go, so you can 'fly'.

Ditch her immediately, she needs help.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 15/01/2025 13:35

She's taking the piss.

Other therapists are available!

SchrodingersTwat2 · 15/01/2025 13:36

Is she BACP registered?

JanglingJack · 15/01/2025 13:37

Anybody can set up a business and call it counselling. No qualifications needed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/01/2025 13:39

i agree with everyone else. Time to stop going to her. There’s something very wrong with this situation.

Owly11 · 15/01/2025 13:39

redboxer321 · 15/01/2025 13:32

I had a therapist try to keep to weekly sessions once when I said I could only afford fortnightly. She argued, we eventually agreed and she dumped me at the end of the next session!
There's some shocking therapists out there. A number who are in it totally for themselves. Wolves in sheep clothing.

As many others have said, don't wait, just leave now.

It's perfectly acceptable for a therapist not to agree to every other week sessions. Some work on a weekly basis only - that might be to do with theoretical orientation or it might be to do with diaries and room bookings. As long as the therapist is clear in the contract that they only do weekly therapy it's absolutely fine to decline a requested change to the contract.

BeLilacSloth · 15/01/2025 13:43

Owly11 · 15/01/2025 13:39

It's perfectly acceptable for a therapist not to agree to every other week sessions. Some work on a weekly basis only - that might be to do with theoretical orientation or it might be to do with diaries and room bookings. As long as the therapist is clear in the contract that they only do weekly therapy it's absolutely fine to decline a requested change to the contract.

Show quote history

Surely in this situation the client would just cancel and the therapist wouldn’t gain anything from them?

Evaka · 15/01/2025 13:44

What the utter fuck have i just read? Tell her to get stuffed, block her unhinged ass and report. This is appalling.

OhTheSilence · 15/01/2025 13:44

Your therapist has been taking advantage of you and pressured you into paying when you can't afford it. As above, stop going and report her if you wish.
However, it sounds like there's some more work to do on your side in advocating for yourself, enforcing boundaries and saying "No"?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 15/01/2025 13:45

After two years, this has become dysfunctional. You need to leave anyway and if you feel you still need therapy, find a new therapist.
It is standard to have it once a week but the whole point of therapy isn’t for you to be given advice, it’s for you to work with your therapist to start making better choices, building your self esteem so that you can build a better future for yourself.
Two years in, therapy can turn into a bit of a dumping ground, where you save all your rubbish for the session, dump it and then the next one comes around - that’s just my experience by the way!
If a client can no longer do the same number of sessions due to finances a therapist should either work around it, or suggest you find a new one.
Therapy should be a place where you also reflect on your life, decisions and experiences with a view to leaving therapy feeling freer and more independent.
Part of you getting better now is breaking up with your therapist!