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AIBU?

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Original poster

Therapist won’t let me cancel!

262 replies

Moocow1995 · 15/01/2025 12:26

Hi all

Bit of a strange one really. I have been going to talking therapy / CBT with a therapist for the last couple of years. It’s expensive- £75 per session.

I have had some very good sessions with her but some others where I have come away feeling that the advice wasn’t totally sound but that’s neither here nor there really. I started therapy due to a particularly difficult break up and having escaped an abusive boyfriend in 2019 and I do feel that I am in the most part ‘recovered’ from the damage caused by that situation and so the therapy is more of a nice to have than a complete essential now.

A couple of months ago, I explained to her that due to changes in my financial situation I would like to cut down to fortnightly sessions. This was met with a lot of disagreement and often half of my 50 minute session would be taken up with her telling me I would really benefit from weekly sessions. This was frustrating as I was paying more than I could afford for appointments in which I was making no progress and coming away feeling stressed. Nonetheless she eventually relented and I dropped down to fortnightly sessions.

She now spends almost my entire session moaning about me having dropped down to fortnightly. I am finding very little value in this now and am also expecting my first baby so have said I will be cancelling completely at the end of May.

She has taken this really badly and I feel like I am spending the whole session defending this decision and my financial situation to her. She has even suggested that I ask my partner or parents to continue paying.

It is probably worth mentioning that I am under no contractual agreement in this situation.

So, would I be unreasonable to just send an email to say ‘I will be ceasing all therapy sessions as of X date’ and refuse to engage any further? Previously she inundated me with calls and messages when I tried this approach when dropping down to fortnightly sessions.

If I ABU to take this approach, how would you get out of it?

It is causing me quite a lot of stress and financial pressure at a time I could do without it.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 15/01/2025 12:47

MiraculousLadybug · 15/01/2025 12:43

Oh God I think I know who this woman is. If she's the one I think she is, she's not genuinely regulated by anyone (she's invented a fake governing body that's not BACP and she's on the board), so just send a message terminating then go full NC with her and block her everywhere. If it's the same person, I think she's a raging narcissist and she has form for this sort of behaviour. I'm so sorry if you've got entangled with her, she seems so legit on the surface.
If it's not her, she sounds similar so I'd still send a final message then block and not open any responses if she gets around the block (but at least if it's not her she might be a member of BACP and you can definitely report there).

Edited

Don't be ridiculous.

JadedVeryJaded · 15/01/2025 12:47

I’m happy to take £75 off you to practise cbt. Money for old rope imho.

Ella31 · 15/01/2025 12:50

I don't know much about the professional bodies that regulate this but I'd imagine there has been someone that maintains that the standard is kept. She is essentially emotionally manipulating you and this needs to be reported. Do not go back to her.

MiraculousLadybug · 15/01/2025 12:51

Eyesopenwideawake · 15/01/2025 12:47

Don't be ridiculous.

Show quote history

?????? Bizarre comment.

Tahlbias · 15/01/2025 12:52

Tell her you're not going back and block her! Oh and then report her. She is not professional at all. I bet she doesn't have any other clients and relied on you for her money.

songbird54 · 15/01/2025 12:52

If there is no contract I would stop straightaway and not give any more money to this therapist. This is not professional behaviour on her part at all.

Crocsake · 15/01/2025 12:54

I don't understand why you're even asking. Just cancel your next appointment and don't accept her calls. Block her if you want.
If you want to give her a reason, just tell her you feel you have reached a point where you don't feel the sessions are beneficial to you any longer.

Londonrach1 · 15/01/2025 12:56

Email to say you not reporting then Block and report her

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/01/2025 12:56

You just say you're done and stop turning up surely ? I don't know why you keep going back !

dutysuite · 15/01/2025 12:57

I would just cancel. I had a good therapist but every session without fail she’d use 10 minutes of the session asking me for feedback on how well she did as well as marking her from 0-10…I found it annoying because I ran out of things to say, I also found the constant need for a pat on the back draining…this was my session not hers. She was a good at her job and I understand her need for feedback but needing it every week and eating into my time let her down, so after our block sessions were finished with I found someone else.

YouOKHun · 15/01/2025 13:04

@Moocow1995 I'm a CBT therapist. A properly trained CBT therapist should be accredited by the BABCP and they have a complaints procedure. Unfortunately there are a lot of people calling themselves CBT therapists who are not properly trained and supervised. Generally speaking CBT is not a long-term therapy and there should be a clear case for it decided between the client and the therapist. Central to CBT is that it is open and collaborative. It is not ethical to prolong therapy if it's not in the client's best interests. You absolutely can (and you should) decide what you want to do and tell her. If you want to find another CBT therapist then make sure they are BABCP accredited.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2025 13:07

I’m surprised you’ve been seeing her for years, CBT is a short term, skills based intervention. There’s absolutely no need for you to go back. I’d also ask for a refund if sessions spent basically talking about you leaving therapy - if she has feelings about that she should take it to supervision and you shouldn’t be having to pay to effectively negotiate the relationship.

RipleyGreen · 15/01/2025 13:09

Stop going. And privately have a ponder as to why you have found this such a difficult situation to handle.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 15/01/2025 13:09

This is shocking....she is using you as a cash cow....I would have stopped going ages ago...just email her saying that you feel much better in yourself and no longer feel you need therapy.
Do not let her railroad you into continuing.

maudelovesharold · 15/01/2025 13:10

You are deriving no benefit from the sessions, as any therapeutic relationship you had with her will have been destroyed by this nonsense. It is also wasting a massive amount of money, even if it’s fortnightly. Why are you contemplating spending a further £500 or thereabouts keeping it going till May? Do you feel guilty that you’re ditching her? Don’t. That’s what she wants, and she’s being manipulative. Just email her and tell her that you have decided to finish the sessions forthwith - your circumstances have changed and the stress of continuing is starting to negate the positive effect of therapy which you felt you had experienced with her until recently. End of story!

Cynic17 · 15/01/2025 13:11

If you've been going for 2 years already, maybe it's not working and time for a rethink?
Also, it's not a therapists job to "give advice".
But nobody can force you to attend.

frecklejuice · 15/01/2025 13:13

Sounds like she could do with a therapist! Don't go back, block her and move on to another o e if you feel you still need it.

PeppyGreenFinch · 15/01/2025 13:15

This is so outside the bounds of normal I’m speechless.

I’m having CBT treatment (paid for via private health care not me) and the therapist has said that if at any point I feel that the sessions aren’t working, I can stop them straightaway.

I don’t understand why you’re proposing to continue this situation until May?

I wouldn’t have even one more session with her.

Don’t pay her a penny either!

ChalkyHiker · 15/01/2025 13:16

There is normally something in the terms and conditions that outline the notice you should give when you want to cease therapy. Is there anything to this effect?

She sounds unprofessional for asking other people to help you financially. That is none of her business! In fact I think her insistence on how often you have therapy is a bit of a red flag if it's taking over YOUR session times.

Personally, I would say I do not want to continue anymore and leave it there. You don't need to give a reason.

lilacsatin · 15/01/2025 13:16

So you've been paying this woman huge amounts of money so she can repeatedly process her emotions around you wanting to reduce your sessions.

She is a lunatic! Send her a brief message and cut all contact.

BeLilacSloth · 15/01/2025 13:19

Discontinue all sessions immediately and complain to her manager (if she has one) and write a scathing review online. She sounds unprofessional, a complete waste of your time and money and manipulative, from what you’ve described slightly abusive.

TypingoftheDead · 15/01/2025 13:19

Just send her the email and don’t go back. I think when you do, you’ll be relieved. It sounds like you’re in a better place than you were, anyway.
My counsellor was pleased for me when I wanted to cut down to fortnightly sessions, because it meant I was progressing.

gamerchick · 15/01/2025 13:21

Stop now. Fuck waiting until may. She's being very unprofessional

HollyBerry873 · 15/01/2025 13:22

Definitely agree with all the others. Don’t go back. Send a polite email cancelling all sessions from today. If she responds send another asking her not to contact you again or you will report her to her professional body. Or just report her to that body anyway - if she’s abusing her power for her own financial gain like this with you, she’s almost certainly doing it to other people too, some of whom may be very vulnerable.

FOJN · 15/01/2025 13:22

Do not go to another appointment. Inform her by email that you will not see her again and then block her. She sounds really unprofessional, stop worrying that it's your fault, its not.