DS has quit his job to go travelling with a girl he just met

[ilosttheracoonjack]

I'm thinking I'm going to be told it is none of my business and to just be happy for him, but I am concerned so need some others views.

DS is 24, he has always been quite shy and kept himself to himself, more so since we moved to Australia when he was 11 as he was a confident child and lost it in his teens. He went to uni, he now has a good job and seems settled. In November he met a girl, she's 22, on her gap year. He had a relationship in his teens but nothing since. It has been like this girl has brought out a whole new side to him, he seems much more confident and relaxed.

Today he told us he has quit his job and they are going to finish her gap year together, mainly with those companies that organise gap year group tours, he seems excited. He is leaving next weekend, February, March & April SE Asia. May & June South America, July Central America then they will see what they feel like after.

TBH I am really apprehensive, this is very out of character and he doesn't really know this girl very well. DH thinks he has made a mistake quitting his job.

AIBU to be worried? Or as he is an adult is it on me to just leave him to it?

She could be getting him to carry drugs.

When they are over 18 they can do as they want, as long as they don't come after you for money, where if it was DS he would get short shrift, it doesn't really matter

It’s natural to worry, he’s your son.

But it is exactly what a 24 year old should be doing, broadening his horizons, falling in love, experiencing the world. He has plenty of time to get stuck into a sensible job and responsibilities. This is the prime time for him to be doing exciting things like this.

yes it’s scary as his parent but also wonderful for him.

It sounds like a great opportunity at 24. He’s got a degree and work experience. If he doesn’t like it or it sours he can come back and reapply for jobs. Cv wise it’s probably a positive.
As for drug thing. One take is she has latched on to him as he’s naive and is planning to use him - he’s only known her a couple of months.

Absolutely this.

I agree with others, early 20s is the time to do this before you have all the anchors of adulthood tying you down, ie established career, mortgage, kids, caring for aging parents. Let him spread his wings and make some fantastic memories before he gets engulfed in the rat race with the rest of us. _

As others have said there is never anything unreasonable about being a concerned parent, but if he can afford it, this is probably the only time in his life he has the freedom to do something like this. Xx

He can get back on the career ladder later.

My dc are late 20s early 30s. I still have scans of their passports and their travel insurance details. They have mine and we put each other's contact details in our passports.
It is really important that someone close to you knows your insurance details. It is just common sense.

I would have mixed feelings. On the one hand as long as he was funding this trip himself & he had enough money to support himself until he found another job when he returned I would be happy for him.

On the other hand I would worry about them being a target for undesirables such as muggers or drug mules who tend to sniff out young people constantly travelling with no fixed abode. I would definitely want to have met the travelling companion & find out her home address etc so if anything happened I'd be in full knowledge of her circumstances & personality. I would also question whether she could potentially be after someone to help fund the trip given he has only known her for a matter of weeks & doesnt know her well. My final concern would be how easy will it be to get a job when he returns. Do employers embrace young people who haven't worked for a year? I don't have the answer to that although it would cross my mind.

Regardless of your feelings OP your son will do as he pleases. I still feel he should respect you enough to make you as comfortable as possible with his decision. Finally I'd ask him to contact me regularly with his whereabouts. The more people who know exactly where he is the better.

I would say this is great news, travel feeds the soul. He has a lifetime of working the daily grind to look forward to, maybe he will discover a passion on his travels that leads him to another path in work which would also be fab. He will make connections meet people and expand his horizons.

with all due respect you need to let him go and find his own way - if he needs you to pick him up I am sure you will, but in the scheme of things for confidence building and resilience this is a good thing

Drug gangs are using children and women more and more as they are less likely to be suspected. So it wouldn’t surprise me if the figures show that they are using women as the lure more and more.

That sounds like it will be an amazing experience for him. You need to do these things when you are young. He will get another job but will never get his youth and time back.

@ilosttheracoonjack You have to remember this is m Mumsnet an alternative universe where the most dramatic outcome is always reached within seconds.
Where every attractive girl has to be a drugs mule honey trapping a young man where he will spend the rest of his life in a Singapore jail , and every stubbed toe is ''A&E. NOW''.

My son and his girlfriend did a year out travelling and working and both were safe {apart from a broken ankle in Whistler, Canada 'luckily' done on the last few days of their trip..we met him hobbling at Heathrow...it would have been a pain to have had that happen at the beginning of their trip.

It would have been thousands of dollars had he not been covered by insurance.

Just ensure he has enough health insurance..as Aussies you probably are used to having to pay for healthcare..

Son limped into the beautiful Whistler Hospital, {a world away to the NHS as zero waiting } and the first thing they ask is for a credit card or insurance documents...without those with you, you aren't seen..son had to go back to their rented house to get the documents before being treated.

Perhaps he will want to move from Australia after visiting so travelling could broaden his horizons.

I don't think we should be encouraging child free 22 year olds to consider their job as a reason to say no to other opportunities. Its plenty young enough to dust themselves down and start over.

How is he paying for it? And, incidentally, at that age, why aren't they planning their own itinerary? They're not teenagers....

I can completely understand being apprehensive. You’re his mum, it’s your job to worry even if he is an adult!

Reading your OP, all I can think is how incredible that opportunity is. He’s young, go for it.

Well yes, as long as they don't come home with their begging bucket because they can't afford their rent

Sounds like a great idea and time. He is still young and at the start of his career. Perfect time to go travelling.

He may have been considering it and meeting her was the push he needed.

Years ago now but we were at an airport in Turkey and a dear little old grandma figure came up to us asking if we could help her as she'd "got too much stuff with all the presents she'd bought" could we take some of her stuff through as ours....🤔

It happens OP. Of course your son didn't mean that re carrying GF's excess baggage. Chances are GF isn't an international drug runner..... BUT, people are, and as he doesn't actually know her well.....

Their luggage will checked at all ports/airports/borders - he WILL be held responsible for anything found in his luggage.

He might think you are being dramatic, you might think it's being dramatic but getting him to understand the above might just save him from a truly awful experience.....

At 24 I took voluntary redundancy from a job I’d had for 3 years since graduating Uni and went backpacking for a year. My parents were so negative about it and warned me I’d struggle to get another ‘good’ job.

I had the time of my life and found a better job in my dream industry when I returned. I’m Australian and employers are used to young people travelling.

It impacted my relationship with my parents that they had so little faith in me and refused to be happy or supportive.

He’s 24, I’m sure he’s mature enough not to get recruited by drug gangs or whatever horrors MN can dream up.

@ilosttheracoonjack - do you really not know why not to carry people's luggage?

@remaker In general I agree with everything you have said with the exception of "whatever horrors mumsnet can dream up" If the situations you refer to never happened there would be no need to be prepared and warn young people to be diligent every step of the way.

Perhaps the negativity your parents presented you with was their way of saying you can't be too careful & please be aware 'horrors' can and do happen.To suggest to young people who haven't experienced life they can spread their wings in a carefree manner without a care in the world is living in fantasy land. They need to be equipped to deal with all possibilities. If parents are rebuked because they are trying to highlight what can go wrong sobeit. I'd prefer that than the guilt I'd feel if I was to be confronted with problems I didn't warn them about.

I’m sure very few have been carrying them unwittingly. They claim that so they don’t have to name names.

A world away from the NHS as zero credit cards or documentation required.

Drugs for one thing