How do you afford children on low incomes?

[Evangelineee]

DP and I have been together for almost 7 years. We aren’t married and don’t have any children, however we would like both. We own a house and have debts that we used to do the house up. This year we are focusing on paying the debt off so that we can be debt free by the end of the year.

I will be turning 32 this summer and DP will be turning 29. We would like to get married before having a child but we don’t really have much money so would take us a few years to save. That would put me mid 30s. However, the problem is, childcare is so expensive that we simply don’t have the money. I wouldn’t be able to not work because we can’t live on only one wage, we need two. I can’t work out how we could ever do it. Due to time (and because I have endometriosis which I have had two surgeries for so far, during one of them a big cyst had formed on my ovary) it might make better sense to have a baby before marriage but again, can’t afford it, and we absolutely would then never be able to save for a wedding because we’d have no spare money.

We aren’t the type of people to just do something and figure it out later. Especially something as big as this. So we would only try for a baby if we knew we could afford it. So I just feel like we will never get the chance.

I don’t know what I am asking for here really, maybe just other peoples experiences on how you’ve done it if you are a low income family? I am close with the family but everyone works full time so that wouldn’t be an option.

(just as a side note, I would be happy with to a cheap registry office wedding but DP refuses. he is the one that has a dream wedding and is very excited to do it one day. I have suggested a cheap and cheerful wedding many times but he says no)

Why can't you afford to? I think you need to share your budget really because honestly you should have some wiggle room. If you're on low enough wages you'll probably be entitled to universal credit etc too. What do you both earn?

yes I would but it’s not me that needs convincing. I’ve said in my post that I would prepare a small, cheap registry office wedding

just as a side note, I would be happy with to a cheap registry office wedding but DP refuses.

Then he's an idiot. I would not be having children with an idiot.

I'm serious. The fact he is so unwilling to compromise on a matter of plain common sense does not bode well for the future.

This. I had a timewaster for my entire 20s. Future faking.

You need to research this - there's been some massive changes in the last year. Nine months old can now receive 15 funded hours a week, and it's going up to 30 from this September so you really can't compare

But surely that means expecting you to save more for a wedding out of your own pocket on a wedding you don’t want

You're not really sharing enough info to give you good advice. "Can't afford it" doesn't really make sense. You cut other areas to make it work, millions of people with surprise pregnancies have been doing this for years.

From what you're saying he either doesn't want to get married or he doesn't actually want children. Sorry 😔

OP, do you think he’s trying to force you in to a position where you end up having a baby without being married, to avoid having to marry you? And avoid you having the protection of marriage?

I’d also make sure that the house is owned as joint tenants and any deposits ring fenced.

I'm sure you'll get lots of advice about funded hours/saving etc.

I was on a low income with DS, and focused on progressing my career/maximising my salary. Is this something either of you can do over the next few years?

I’m 27, have a house, two horses, a very nice car (owned), always have nails/lashes/hair extensions done and I only work part time. I’m also single- it’s absolutely possible

But I’m saying even if we did that, we still can’t afford childcare. I’m asking how people afford it if they don’t have a lot of money

The cost of a dream wedding would pay for a lot of childcare - you both save as much as you can to cover mat leave and childcare instead of flowers, a wedding venue and a big party.

We are a low income family (by mumsnet standards!) and I work 3 days a week with 2 children under 4 in childcare.

The government funding and tax free childcare really helps, as does finding the right nursery. Ours for example lets you send in a packed lunch, instead of paying hourly top up fees to cover the cost of a hot lunch. If your income is low enough to be receiving UC then I believe you get 85% of childcare fees paid for.

Then you just find ways to save money in other areas. I buy all of the kids clothes second hand from Vinted, the only time they get new is from relatives at birthdays or Christmas! If you have lots of friends and family you will probably find that they will buy loads of baby clothes for you as gifts. We also had generous gifts from MIL like a cot, a pram etc so you might be lucky enough to get things like that too. With my second baby I used cloth nappies to save money. I also use flannels (and then wash) instead of baby wipes for things like clearing baby up after eating.

We haven’t been abroad on holiday since the kids were born but to be honest I’d rather wait until they’re older anyway. When the children are young there are loads of things you can do with them for free, so you don’t need to spend much money on days out (and even big theme parks, farm parks etc don’t usually charge until baby is 3 years old). Unless you’re lucky with lots of family around to babysit you probably won’t do many evenings out as a couple either so will save money that way.

Basically if you want to have children on a low income you will just find ways to make it work. I would rather compromise on my lifestyle to be able to have children. I ‘have’ and do less, but am so much more fulfilled from having my gorgeous children in my life, so it’s 100% worth it for me.

Surely there has to be a compromise - a dream wedding doesn't have to be huge, it could be the two of you + family/witnesses somewhere special, and then a party with everyone else?

There is a balance to be had here, particularly with your health challenges, so I wouldn't be leaving trying for a baby any later than is unavoidable...and certainly not for the sake of a party FGS...

Re finances - I'm a single mum on UC working part-time, it's doable because I make it doable, we live a modest but happy life with everything we actually need. No the kids don't have the latest X box or whatever, and we don't lash out on expensive clothes or holidays, but we're fine.

If he's not willing to make compromises on your shared life and goals then you aren't compatible. And he's not much for a catch if he can't be realistic about your finances.

What does career/salary progression look like for both of you over the next 3-5 years?

Put the money you would have saved for a wedding into a high interest savings account for nursery/childminder. Claim the funded hours and tax free childcare. Both of you work compressed hours to have days off midweek to save on full-time childcare.

You get the free hours or if youre on UC you get 85% of it back. Not sure about tax free childcare. As you both work you would definitely be entitled to the 30 free hours though

Pray enlighten the rest of us - what do you do? 😀

I don't have a solution for you but just wanted to say how refreshing it is to see a couple financial planning for children. It astounds me how many threads on here are about people concerned that they have no family support and can't afford to pay for childcare.

Childcare isn't as expensive as it was, especially when the 30 funded hours from 9 months come in. My daughter goes to nursery 3 days a week (7-6 if needed) and it costs us £363 with 15 funded hours a month. With my first child it was £500 a month for 2 days a week! Plus you have time to save!

Look at this a slightly different way. What aspects of a 'big wedding' does he want?

It doesn't have to be expensive just because it's 'big', be realistic about what you could and want to spend, then find a way to make it work. Eg lots of people in a village hall with a buffet dinner versus lots of people in a posh hotel with a 5 course gourmet menu.

Childcare, is expensive, it's also temporary. You may be entitled to some of it paid by universal credit depending on your household income, if not you use taxfree childcare which reduces your bill somewhat, you put in flexible working requests to minimise the childcare needed as much as you can, and you spend a couple of years eating jacket potatoes and not going out much. You'll get some hours funded for childcare from 9 months and that entitlement increases as the child ages so you'll see some reductions in your childcare costs within the first couple of years, then when they go to primary school you'll see another reduction when you move to before and after school care.

You'll also need to make logical decisions about how many children and how spaced apart, 2 in nursery is a hell of a lot more expense than 1.

And finally you both need to look at maximising incoming, you can probably make some savings on outgoings but likely not huge, a promotion could make a big difference in income though. Do either or both of you have options for increasing your earnings?

Unless we know what you mean by low (disposable) income, it's hard to advise really. Child benefit is around £100 every 4 weeks so you would have that. We manage on relatively low incomes, it can be done- if you both want to.

I've always wondered the same. How on earth do people afford to have children on low income?

If you're on a low income, do you qualify for UC? If not I would check. You can get significant help towards childcare costs. It's worth investigating.

Yup! In a nutshell.

If you really can't make him understand that a fairy tale wedding costing £££s prevents you from having the money to start a family then you are at cross purposes and maybe, kindly, he isn't cut out to be the father of your children.