How do you afford children on low incomes?

[Evangelineee]

DP and I have been together for almost 7 years. We aren’t married and don’t have any children, however we would like both. We own a house and have debts that we used to do the house up. This year we are focusing on paying the debt off so that we can be debt free by the end of the year.

I will be turning 32 this summer and DP will be turning 29. We would like to get married before having a child but we don’t really have much money so would take us a few years to save. That would put me mid 30s. However, the problem is, childcare is so expensive that we simply don’t have the money. I wouldn’t be able to not work because we can’t live on only one wage, we need two. I can’t work out how we could ever do it. Due to time (and because I have endometriosis which I have had two surgeries for so far, during one of them a big cyst had formed on my ovary) it might make better sense to have a baby before marriage but again, can’t afford it, and we absolutely would then never be able to save for a wedding because we’d have no spare money.

We aren’t the type of people to just do something and figure it out later. Especially something as big as this. So we would only try for a baby if we knew we could afford it. So I just feel like we will never get the chance.

I don’t know what I am asking for here really, maybe just other peoples experiences on how you’ve done it if you are a low income family? I am close with the family but everyone works full time so that wouldn’t be an option.

(just as a side note, I would be happy with to a cheap registry office wedding but DP refuses. he is the one that has a dream wedding and is very excited to do it one day. I have suggested a cheap and cheerful wedding many times but he says no)

That's on the assumption that the man is the higher earner and owns the property. Which isn't as common these days. OP says they own the house and she will continue working. If the woman is the higher earner or has more assets and/or less debts then perhaps they are better off not married to protect their own assets.

@JLou08 The situation you describe is not the norm. Few women earn the most and many end up with careers on the back burner due to dc. The situation is not what you describe very often. Sometimes they aren’t on the mortgage or the deeds. Any woman with more assets should have an agreement about who has what on a split. In the case here, they have low incomes. If the OP cannot afford child care, she will probably work part time. In any event she’s working for nothing. So who is paying the mortgage? Even people who use grandparents work part time.

It's a rare man who thinks about a "dream wedding". Are you certain he wants the same things you do? Because this looks a bit like stalling.

If you are confident he does what marriage and kids then your issue is he doesn't understand you can have both, but within your financial constraints a big wedding and then delaying having kids due to financial constraints is a risky approach - we left having kids until our mid 30s and it meant we only had one, the much wanted 2nd child never happened. My sister left it until her mid 30s and it didn't happen for her at all.

That conversation needs to be had and your joint priorities and joint accepting of risks in delaying TTC are agreed. You don't want to be 5-6 years down the line with problems TTC and resenting him for pushing you to have a big wedding that was less important to you.

My DS got married in the summer, 80 people, reception in garden, all very homemade, £6,000 on everything and everything was glorious (if cheap). Now spending the saved money on a loft and having a baby. It's a choice if you are lucky/frugal enough to have some savings.

Child Benefit is paid every 4 weeks, that’s just over £100, there’s the 30 hours free childcare and you can get 20% off any money you need to put towards childcare. If you’re low earners, work out the cost of childcare against dropping a day or two of work etc, see if it could benefit you. Work out how much you plan to save to pay off your debt, once you see each month how much you’re able to save to pay this off, you will see that you can have money spare if you try.

It's a big expensive wedding and no children, or a modest wedding and children - only you and your partner can decide, OP

This

Dc1 was unexpected, we didn't own a house and had some debt, not much circa 5k.
We paid off the debt and saved like mad while I was pregnant. Didn't go abroad for a holiday, no take out, made clothes last and batch cooking. We bought a house when dc was 1

Wait you were in debt while pregnant but managed to pay it off and save enough to buy a house two years later?

You may only need around £12k to buy a house plus the 5k debt thats saving roughly £700 per month to do this. This could well be doable especially if they were being really frugal.

Im a sahm so zero childcare fees. Dh earns a little over £50k and we just make it work on his salary. We only have 2 kids, I know families on much less with more kids than us. Then I go on mn and (not you op) but I see posters saying they earn £100k and think they won't be able to afford one child and it just baffles me!

I am a single parent and earn £29k. UC covered most of my childcare is the honest answer. Don't need it any more as DS is an older teen so I no longer claim for childcare. Fortunate to have a housing association flat so my rent is affordable (£500pm). I manage fine, certainly not living a life of luxury but bills are paid and we can eat and buy clothes. I don't live beyond my means.

Define low income. Do you qualify for Universal Credit? Or do your salaries cover all your living expenses and some extras?

I've been a lone parent for over a decade, and have raised my children on a household income of under £30k, made up of my low salary plus tax/universal credit. When they were primary school age the childcare costs were partially paid by tax credits. We budget every penny and prioritise based on needs, then use what's left for 'wants'. I have a spreadsheet of money in and money out, we don't have holidays, my car is almost 20 years old. Birthday & Christmas presents are bought by saving but are modest, and I use a savings app to help me squirrel away £10 here and there so I always have some savings. But our rent is paid, we eat well (thanks to cooking from scratch and shopping in Aldi) my children have grown up asking 'can we afford.....?' instead of 'can I have.....?' but they are confident, content, self-reliant, and now adults and both at university.

That's how I've done it.

What’s your priority? A happy family life with children which will last your lifetime or 24 hrs euphoria for a wedding?

registry then somewhere cheap for a meal/ party with close friends and family. Always been the best weddings I have been to.

Childcare costs are a different matter so you do need to budget and maybe accept you can only afford the one.

It may not be as bad as you think OP have you looked into childcare cost in your area? And the government funding/help options?
we are a low income household, we both work but neither of us earn much and I only work part time now
my LO goes to a childminder for 16 hours a week
at 9 months old he started getting “15 hours free” although that is only term time so we average the hours out over the year and I think it works out 11 hours a week so we essentially pay for 4 hours a week our bill comes to about £130/140 a month give or take a bit then there’s the “tax free childcare” so that saves us a bit more too. Basically it usually costs me and my DP £50/£60 a month each. I am lucky that we don’t need hours and hours of childcare but it’s doable just need to be clever with the hours.
childminders are cheaper that nursery’s too.
Do you have family that maybe able to help? Can you both condense your working hours into longer days so you do 4 days each and both have a different day at home looking after baby?
there are ways and means

It’s him that’s 29. She’s 32 with endometriosis.

If you are on lower incomes you may get UC help and there is 85% towards cost on tax free childcare vouchers. The funding rates for babies is higher than 2 and 3yo funding rates. You can also explore ideas such as compressing or reducing hours so both do a four day week and only need three days childcare etc.

Sometimes you just have to muddle through, once babies are here you can never know your situation will be unchanging so you manage whatever the situation is.

Red flag.

I don't know how but you do just manage,I have 4 children and 1 is disabled so I'm a full time mum came out of work 2 years when my partner was struggling with he's own disabilitys,it is really hard Hun not gonna lie but trust me you can do it,if I can do it you Defo can,your been sensible so far taking nice smalls steps,don't be worried about your age either my youngest son I had him at 39🫣 infact my age of having all my children was 17,27,31,35 and 39, I will tell you tho it's alot harder for me now keeping up with the kids than when I was 17 but wouldn't change it for the world,good luck in everything Hun x

When it comes to having kids when you live in the UK the lower your income the better - because the State pays for everything. Its when you try to be a responsible citizen and pay your way through society, maybe by having 2 jobs, that you find the cost of having kids crippling. Just saying.

You can't say that,it really annoys me when people say it's coz you don't work or something to do with not working,I was a part time care worker and my wages plus benefits was really worth it trust me,far more than just claiming benefits alone,you can earn about 350 a month before they start taking money off you so over all your so much more better off working part time than anything

I've heard people say, if you wait until you can afford to have children you'll be a spinster all your life.
But you make it work.
Free childcare from government.
Look into salary sacrifice, it's not as harsh as it sounds.
Universal credit for tax credit perhaps.
Go part time

If you truly want to have a child then have a child. A newborn really doesn't need much. Love, milk, nappies, vests sleep suits. Blankets (you'll end up with lots after a baby shower).
Maybe say goodbye to any social life for a little while but I tell you what OP.... That child is SO worth it (best thing I ever done so I had another).
Also, I was 37 when I had my first and 40 when I had #2