Partner always wants to go halves

[PennyApril54]

Been seeing my partner for around 2 years now. Both buy food / drinks when we see each other in our separate homes but I feel annoyed about his approach to eating out.
He always wants to split the bill down the middle and clarifies this is the plan before we even decide to eat out i.e. He says ' will we go to X for food and split it'.
I prefer us to have turns each paying and have paid the full amount before only to be met be the halves suggestion the next time.

I feel there's something about this that seems cold, distant, formal. It doesn't feel caring or romantic in any way.
AUBU? Yes.. it's a bit of a shitty approach to a dinner date
No...going halves every time is fine

50/50 is fine when dating a boyfriend.

Maybe if you were living together as partners then you may have some joint finances

or if it were a birthday meal etc. then one may wish to treat the other.

Going halves is fine in my mind if you have no shared financial commitment - yet from my pov buying a meal isn’t a romantic thing - it’s nice but in the end just eating

Where do you want this relationship to go? Is it more what it means to you versus actually the splitting?

Yanbu. It would put me off.

I don't think you should go halves, if he's eating more than you each time.

Does splitting straight down the middle every time work out fair for you though? I.e. he's not having a bottle of red snd steak while you have a salad and a coke and therefore subsidising him?

I think it would be more the announcement of going halves every time that would annoy me. Maybe fair enough on first few dates but why does he feel the need to a) unilaterally decide how you're handling the bill and b) announce it like it's a new thing every Time after 2 years?!

I go halves with friends. Not partners. If it's a first date or something, halves absolutely.

Once you're in a relationship, going halves seems like something a tight fisted arse would do. Taking turns like you said is the way to go.

Yes I'm more than happy to pay my own way it's just the arrangement I don't like, the saying it right before we eat or getting our separate cards out to pay like we're strangers. It makes me feel a bit shit.

Taking turns seems a more grown up way of doing it. I'd go dutch though if he wants to split the bill and only pay for what I'd eaten/drank.

Halving is fine in terms of fairness as we probably owe the same roughly in terms of what we've eaten and drank.
You're right re the announcing it but, it feels tight, and it isn't due to his finances or anything as we have equal amounts and we're both reasonably well paid in the sector we work in.

after two years can you just let him know how you feel? What happens on Valentine’s Day or your birthday

Separate! What if you have his children and he's there telling you to go halves on nappies an hour post partum?!

Free yourself x

Have you brought it up with him OP? Other than hoping he'd get the hint when you've fully paid before? I'd want to have the discussion about it to be honest.

After 2 years together, surely it's easier to take it in turns to pay? It all evens out in the end, doesn't it?

I haven't, I don't know quite how to put it without it sounding like a critical thing.

He made dinner on my birthday and I did on Valentine's

The fact that he won't treat you but let you pay for everything in the last, is evidence that he's going to be a tight arse in other ways. Sit him down and tell him he needs to act like you're a couple and not on a first date.

Yeah in the first few weeks. Two years on if you're still at that stage I would call it a day.

I think you’re being a bit silly to let it bother you, OP. He isn’t being tight or mean, trying to make you pay more or something. It’s just a different way of sharing the load.

Edit to add: This assumes he’s great in other ways. If this is just one small symptom of a bigger unease, then maybe not so silly.

Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. Tbh he is a really great guy in almost every other sense that's why I'm unsure whether it's worth causing an issue or not.

Me and DP will often go 50/50 but normally one of us will pay and then transfer half after. He does often pay for meals too though, if he says 'I'm taking you out tonight' then I know he's paying. He might mention somewhere he wants to try or I might want to try somewhere in which case I'll surprise him. Birthdays we tend to cook a 3 course meal for each other as we do eat out a lot.

Maybe talk to him and say you want to feel 'treated' sometimes

Never go halves on a first date. The one who asked the other out on the date should pay (usually the man).

If a man invited me to dinner and made me split the bill there would be no second date.

It's petty and unattractive. He's likely to be similarly rigid about other financial decisions in future. He's showing you who he is, don't ignore that.

Can you say to him you’re wanting to move on in the relationship and was thinking about how perhaps you take turns from now. What does he think?

I suspect he’s a bit of a tight arse if he never reciprocated the paying for the whole meal. He may be nice in other ways but not generous with money doesn’t make him a keeper.

Op, how would you feel about getting seperate bills? It’s not great but it might be easier to get your head around than going halves.

YANBU.