Partner always wants to go halves

[PennyApril54]

Been seeing my partner for around 2 years now. Both buy food / drinks when we see each other in our separate homes but I feel annoyed about his approach to eating out.
He always wants to split the bill down the middle and clarifies this is the plan before we even decide to eat out i.e. He says ' will we go to X for food and split it'.
I prefer us to have turns each paying and have paid the full amount before only to be met be the halves suggestion the next time.

I feel there's something about this that seems cold, distant, formal. It doesn't feel caring or romantic in any way.
AUBU? Yes.. it's a bit of a shitty approach to a dinner date
No...going halves every time is fine

To me going half’s or Dutch makes sense although it’s not the norm. I think it’s alot easier to budget and you don’t end up with a big bill the week before payday ( years of watching the pennys is hard to get out of )

My ex used to earn about ten times what I did. Usually he’d pay for the bigger more expensive meals and I’d pay if it was a Nando’s or KFC etc. Towards the end of the relationship he started to ask if I’d pass him cash under the table so that he could still look like he was paying, but I was contributing my half. It really gave me the ick! If we popped out to get some bits for dinner and we both picked up some extra bits that were on offer etc he’d put our shopping on the conveyor belt separately too, whereas I’d move the bar and just pay for his stuff with the dinner stuff as it felt really weird to me arriving together and then going to separate tills or putting the divider down between us. After 10 years that didn’t feel like partner behaviour!

He’d never been tight before but this felt like all of a sudden I wasn’t seen as a partner, and I got into massive amounts of debt while with him trying to keep up with his lifestyle.

New DP is more like your BF here, he’d be happy to split things by what we’ve had or go 50/50 each time, but I set the precedent early on by suggesting we take turns so now that’s what we do and he seems happy with that. We don’t eat out anywhere near as often as ex and I did though. Sometimes we’d go out for lunch and dinner on the same day!

I wouldn't like it - I'm not even sure why as it seems fair. My partner and I, even before we lived together just kind of mostly took it in turns - sometimes one might pay a couple of times in a row and then the other - it balanced out overall - sometime both our children were there, sometimes one, sometimes none and we still just whoever, had their card to hand, had been paid more recently. I think maybe splitting it every time (and the mentioning it) perhaps sounds a bit business like.
Even with friends if it is just 2 or 3 - we mostly split it but sometimes one will offer to pay and then next time the other will

It’s not very sexy that he keeps hammering home the 50/50 bit before every meal - what a buzz kill.
Does he fold his trousers and pants up before sex?!

You are sleeping with someone who's just a friend. You're kidding yourself it's something more. He will comply to this - why wouldn't he. STOP inviting him to YOUR HOUSE and see where it leads. You need a break from this french farce. A man who loves you will not be acting this way. It's NOT ILLEGAL to be Single or celebate. Kick him into touch.

Call me old fashioned but I’ve never gone halves for a meal when I’m in a relationship. Either he pays or if I’m treating, I pay. That would be a red flag for me, sorry. Married for over 25yrs and my husband never allows me to pay when we eat out unless I specifically say I’m treating for maybe his birthday etc. was like that from the beginning of our relationship

He’s definitely not hiding anything?
otherwise I’d would just say “hey I’ve been thinking why don’t we take in turns instead? It’s quicker and easier it’s not like we aren’t going to see each other again!”

Call his bluff... Say "no, this is my treat" {big smile} and see how he reacts. Does he insist on paying his half then?