my partner of 5 years proposed on holidays I paid for

[Susan7654]

My partner and I have been together 5 years. He earns more than me but is not good at saving. Never really spoiled me. spends money on his kids, food, games etc. We are both single parents living separately. He is a very nice man.

I really wanted to go on holiday, but he didnt have money, so I paid for it. He proposed on holiday (without a ring - he asked me if that would be ok, as than I can chose it when we are back , I agreed). Than when we were back he bought me a ring - I chose very cheap one not to put too much stress on his budget.

Now we are planning to buy house together and he thinks - that because he will contribute to our house more than me ( as he is selling he current house) - he doesnt have to pay back for holiday.

Not sure if I am wrong for feeling hurt? He doesnt ever plan a holiday. At most a weekend away, very rarely. Once we went for a weekend abroad away I paid for it all as it was his birthday treat.

I feel like he takes me for granted...

That was silly of you

He sounds like an utter twat. Why on earth are you marrying him?

Don't marry this tight fucker.

THIS
Also, how much more of the house you are buying is he paying for? I think it's reasonable for him not to pay u back for holiday if it is significantly more

As a fellow man. It's not looking good - plus he earns more than you. You want to marry and buy a house with him? You should rethink your options.

Dont marry him. Your children will suffer.
I'm never sure why people get married when they have children who aren't their husbands.
I wouldn't be that keen to chuck away my DS's inheritance.
He needs to make much more effort than that before you should even consider it.

If he's shit with money, you should not be marrying him. To coin a popular MN phrase, he's shown you who he is. You should pay attention to that.

How would getting married or moving in benefit you? Ask yourself

Do you already have property of your own? Do any of your kids intend to go to university, so his income would be taken into account for loans? How would moving in together make any improvement to his money management?

All I can see for you is downsides and him borrowing money off you each month.

He’s not a lovely man.
He agreed to pay you back for the holiday and hasn’t which leaves you in debt in that it’s an unexpected expense.
He proposed marriage on that holiday he knew he couldn’t afford to pay for and that’s a red flag festival.
I have a feeling he might have a house that’s technically worth more but you don’t really know the extent of the debt he’s in OP.
At some point he may have some sort of complication and need to move in with you ‘for a bit’ and then you get a quickie marriage and then you are stuck.
He should pay you back for the holiday he’s a CF.
Do not marry him. You deserve better.

You feel he takes you for granted.

He earns more than you but never seems to have money.

He’s useless at saving.

He's not generous.

He proposed on a holiday you had paid for, hadn’t even bought a ring.

You both have children separately.

Do not marry this man!

Do not buy a house with this man!

You know it will end up a car crash.

By all means continue dating if you love him, you have fun together etc. But keep your finances separate. Keep your homes separate.

I’d wait until your kids grow up before marrying and moving in with him.

But from what I understood he is selling his house and using the equity that's released to put into your joint house? I imagine that that's a lot more than the cost of a half a holiday.
How are you buying the new house? In shares or as one. And if you marry what's yours is his and what's his is yours.
If you want him to pay you half the holiday will you also expect to match his share of the deposit?
If you haven't sorted these issues out you shouldn't be taking the next steps.

I wouldn’t be marrying him to be honest.

I wood be very weary of marrying a man who earned more than me yet was always skint and having credit cards.

before you commit to buying a property together and getting married you need to sit down and have a serious chat about financials.

Why is he always so skint on his salary?

how do you plan to split the buying of the house/bills etc going forward and will he be able to afford it?

is he in any debt/how many credit cards etc does he have?

The last thing you want to do is be financially tied to this man and then find out he’s up to his eyeballs in debt, can’t manage his financials and you’re stuck paying his way.

Instant ick.

He doesn't sound like much of a bargain Op. I know it's a bit hardheaded of me but I'd be wary of any divorced man with DC, they don't tend to be in a good place financially, he let you pay for the holiday but can't even buy you a decent engagement ring?
If he's not good with what money he has I'd give him back the ring and have a rethink on this

No way would I be having joint finances with someone who is bad with money.

If you do you’re a mug.

If he is bad with money, he will probably give you 7-800 for the mortgage or less if you are in the North and leave you to pay for all else. ALL

and will have right to get the half of it all , including your pensions or savings when you divorce, if you would. Since he does not save and is not capable of, he will always have the better deal

100% dodger

Why are you marrying him?

I don't know. MN-ers will start saying 'you deserve better, dump him', but in reality - what did they say in When Harry met Sally - something about there is more chance of a woman over 30 being struck by lightning, than getting married to a nice guy. All my female friends who split up with their husbands in their 30s and 40s struggled to find nice men and are either single or shacked up with some losers, yet their cheating weasel husbands are all on subsequent marriages to younger women with whom they had children. It is tough for women out there, not just in the workplace, but socially and matrimonially too!

Eh? You're marrying him why? He might be a "very nice man" but he also sounds like a financial disaster. And not particularly nice tbh if he earns but doesn't pay his own way. Listen to your gut here - the cost of a holiday will be the least of your worries if you go ahead with this.

This!

He's a tight arse cheapskate.

Give him the ring back and either carry on seeing him for dates to get you out of the house or dump and find someone who isn't so petty about not sharing his money but enjoys spending yours .

"He is a very nice man" somehow doesn't sound very convincing. The circumstances around the proposal don't sound very convincing either. Quibbling about not wanting to contribute for the holiday is hardly likely to give you happy memories of a romantic moment. Finances sound difficult - not wise to make yourself vulnerable by marrying him.