my partner of 5 years proposed on holidays I paid for

[Susan7654]

My partner and I have been together 5 years. He earns more than me but is not good at saving. Never really spoiled me. spends money on his kids, food, games etc. We are both single parents living separately. He is a very nice man.

I really wanted to go on holiday, but he didnt have money, so I paid for it. He proposed on holiday (without a ring - he asked me if that would be ok, as than I can chose it when we are back , I agreed). Than when we were back he bought me a ring - I chose very cheap one not to put too much stress on his budget.

Now we are planning to buy house together and he thinks - that because he will contribute to our house more than me ( as he is selling he current house) - he doesnt have to pay back for holiday.

Not sure if I am wrong for feeling hurt? He doesnt ever plan a holiday. At most a weekend away, very rarely. Once we went for a weekend abroad away I paid for it all as it was his birthday treat.

I feel like he takes me for granted...

I think a lot of times man are spoiled by woman who is overdoing it - paying, caring too much etc.
I am one of those. And to be honest I need to change. If he is ok with it - great, if not - bye!
So far my partner took it very well and is saving for our next hols. We wait with the house till atumn.

I think you're right. We are still trained up to 'catch a man'. It's not as bad as when I was young but it's still there. In my day it was more along the lines of 'domestics' ie doing their laundry, showing off your cooking skills, etc. In short all the things a 'good wife' should do. And added to that was the attitude of 'you're gonna have to buy this cow before you get to taste the milk', ie no sex without a ring. One thing we didn't do was pay for things Oh some little thing here and there yes, but not for expensive things or for trips. And a man wouldn't expect us to and would have been looked down on by his peers. Nor would we have tolerated a man who couldn't/didn't pay their own way when it came to living together (which was still frowned upon). Seems nowadays a woman has to prove herself 'domestically AND financially'.

I'm not saying we should go back to the days of the man paying all or that he should expect his wife/partner to pay their share, just that as you said, maybe women are too willing to go out on a limb financially to 'prove themselves'. And that men are more willing to take advantage without any negative pushback from their peers.

You're wise to put any major financial expenditures on the back burner. But remember it's easy to 'prove yourself' when you have your eyes on the prize (like a home purchase). Just be sure you give it enough time to be sure the 'change' will be a permanent one. Personally, I'm not convinced a leopard can ever truly change its spots.