Left alone in a park

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Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

I think having a child who can't amuse herself for half an hour is a pretty good indicator of shit parenting.

I think not understanding what the issue is is a pretty good indicator of shit parenting.

💯

She's not technically alone nor in a deserted park in the dark.

Helicopter. parenting at it's finest... Let's not let a 10 year old out of our sight for a few minutes at a time and watch them morph into a 14 year old who can't be even semi independent and still needs parents arranging everything for them and barely able to walk home from school unaccompanied. Shit parenting.

Oh well done @Bbq1 the helicopter parenting cliché hadn't cropped up yet I don't think. in this case the DD was uncomfortable and called her father so it's unlikely the experience will encourage her to be 'independent' quicker. Children become independent when they are ready, not when it's convenient to us.
I'll spell it out for you: 10 year olds are perfectly fine out of our sight, just not in a city park.

What I can’t understand is why parents are so keen to rush their children to grow up. I personally wouldn’t like to sit in a public garden (because that’s basically what the “park” means) myself for half an hour, surrounded by strangers. For a ten year old girl that must have been frightening and half an hour to a child feels longer than it would to us… the fact there were 2 adults there, why could one not have gone and done something with her to pass the time?
I agree with @FigusCarica, you can’t force a child to grow up to suit your own needs. I’d rather my 10 yo needed me. Thats still young, they still need protecting.

For me it's about choice the 10 y o had in it.
Was she told to 'wait there' and is unsettled in that environment or does she chill in parks and feel ok?
Also any LD?
Confident for age?

I'm going against everyone I think but I wouldn't do this to mine at 10.
Even busy places have dodgy people (sometimes more likely) I think I'd feel safer if they were left in the car?
Did 10 year old get to do Something she wanted afterwards?

🙄

After your last update it sounds like your youngest is very left out when it comes to your dh focusing more on your eldest and their running.
Your dh needs to find a joint activity they can all enjoy and go running with your eldest when he’s not ‘in charge’ of them both.
It all sounds rather sad for your youngest

YABU. I would be fine with this. You said yourself that they could see her from sections of the run. She's wasn't really completely unsupervised for 30 mins.

If she was happy I'd be happy.

This, it's the unfamiliarity that's the issue for me, not the being left alone for 30 mins. If it was a local park/somewhere my dc felt comfortable I wouldn't have a problem.

Yes it was Glasgow..... X

Sounds like she's being dumped in a playground in a strange city while her family go off and do their run. Does she want to be in the playground? Would she rather be left at home? It doesn't sound irresponsible, necessarily, just a bit mean. Unless she's completely fine with the arrangement, of course.

To all the PPs saying their 10 year old goes to the park alone, goes out to meet friends etc. This was totally different. It was an unfamiliar city. No friends. What's a 10 year old going to be doing for at least 40 mins in a play park all by herself? Who would she be playing with? 10 year olds are not toddlers who run up to the nearest child and start playing a game. I think that more than marking her out as a potential victim for abduction as being visibly alone, it was an unkind thing to do, leaving her bored off her head in a playground in an unfamiliar place.

Totally different. She wasn't withher friends. Or anyone. She was alone and bored and lonely. Because she was dumped in there by herself to wait for the rest of the family.

I’m sorry but there is absolutely no way I’d leave my 10 year old in a park in the middle of Glasgow 🫤 and I grew up there…

Hi OP. I can see on the face of it why you would be concerned but the reality is probably quite different from what you are imagining. As you say Glasgow is a very large city. You haven’t said which parkrun it was but let me run through a couple of scenarios.

The obvious choice for anyone visiting Glasgow to complete a parkrun would be Pollok parkrun (Scotland’s first parkrun and the original Glasgow parkrun). The parkrun is based in Pollok Country Park which is several miles from Glasgow City Centre and situated in the leafy suburbs of the Southside. This is a popular parkrun which can attract over 400 runners and the park is generally busy with families on a Saturday morning. The playpark itself would likely be busy as parents take their children there while their partners run. There is only one entrance in and out of the playpark and there are generally plenty of parents sitting on the benches outside the entrance while their children play inside. Your daughter would have been perfectly safe. If she had an accident and no one was attending to her someone would have come to her assistance.

Another potential parkrun could be Victoria Park (a possibility as the playpark is situated in the centre of the route as you have described). Again the playpark would likely have been busy and someone would have come to your daughter’s assistance if she had an accident. There isn’t any chance that your daughter would have been snatched as a pp suggested as no one is going to be able to drag a 10 year old out of a busy playpark and then through a park full of runners to the nearest parking spot (5/10 minutes walk away) on a Saturday morning in Glasgow.

Obviously I haven’t considered every Glasgow parkrun but I assume your ex wouldn’t leave your daughter in an empty playpark without there being other families around. I take it your daughter also had the choice to wait at the start / finish line where there would be plenty of volunteers and supporters around but chose to wait in the playpark instead.

It sounds like she was bored, and that obviously sucks as a child and if your eldest is genuinely getting all the attention then that is an issue, but being bored for half an hour is something children need to learn to cope with it, its actually good for them.

Your dh needs to find a joint activity they can all enjoy and go running with your eldest when he’s not ‘in charge’ of them both.

I*m always in charge of my kids, so I can't do anything with one that the other does not want to do? I'm sure older DD will be thrilled when she's told her hobby is cancelled because youngest cannot possibly be bored for half an hour.

Different when it’s the NRP and there is now a new couple though. I think it’s particularly an onus on a NRP to make thoughtful decisions about how they use the time with each of their kids. This isn’t thoughtful of the sibling being left in a strange park alone.

Parent or step parent should stay with non running child and do something the child likes to do together while other adult runs with child who likes a run.

So what if years ago we used to expect kids to do much more stuff alone. We don’t live that way now. All kids are different. Visits to their parents really stick in children’s minds though and this is not a good way to use one. Hopefully it’s a one off.

No I wouldn’t be ok with that at all, your poor DD.

Yes there are different attitudes now but there’s no more child murders, kidnappings etc now. It’s as safe now as it was then

I suffer from anxiety (I know it’s a bit of a cliche now but it’s real). The anxiety is always focused on my children’s safety (even now as independent young adults). So when my children were growing up I would always imagine ‘what if’ scenarios in my head to gauge whether I should allow certain freedoms. So in this particular situation I would think, what if I returned to the park and my dd wasn't there. I’d go in to sheer panic mode because of the unfamiliarity of the area. Based on that I know I couldn’t run and enjoy it (dad’s tend not to worry about these things though) and I would fret until I knew she was back with her dad. People who keep saying they were out with friends at that age are missing the point that she is not with friends.

I’m not saying I’m right (as anxiety plays a big part) but in the same situation I wouldn't feel relaxed or happy about it.

Glasgow! I’m not surprised. 🤦🏻‍♀️ (My DH is Glaswegian and he’s appalled)

I think it’s ridiculous for Ex to leave youngest alone like that in a city she’s unfamiliar with. It doesn’t sound very nice for your younger daughter either. Being a busy place makes it easier to snatch a kid as everyone’s only paying attention to their own kids.

Contact time is meant to be for the benefit of the child, and I don’t see how the youngest is getting anything from being ignored in favour of the eldest one. If Ex is determined to bog off to Parkrun then she should ask her partner to stay and look after the younger child or find a friend supervise her at the very least.