Left alone in a park

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Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

a) with friends b) in an area you were familiar with
not
a) alone b) in a strange city
It's so weird that a lot of posters ca't see that there's a difference in risk levels there,

The amount of posters saying they were out with their friends at that age can’t seem to compute that dd is alone and not with friends. Totally different situation.

I personally think leaving a ten year old alone in a strange city where she could have easily been taken - and no that's not dramatic, it happens way too often - is mental.
10 is primary school age. They are still tiny kids.
I wouldn't bloody dream of it and would be furious. It's reckless. No parent thinks it will happen to them until it does. Why would he ever risk it?

I think enough people think it is fine that there is nothing you can do about it.

Dd is safe. Her parent and step parent have assesed the situation and decided it is fine and dds preference to joining in.

Support dd by encouraging her to play at the park or join in the run. Or get some games on her phone and sit and do that.

Many Glasgow parks are lovely. And there are rough areas of Edinburgh (or anywhere) too so the poster who said Glasgow no Edinburgh yes is very ignorant.

She could've been taken in her own city. In her local park. Walking to or from school.

I do wonder if some of the most vocal posters who are adamant it is inappropriate have been anywhere close to a parkrun in their lives?

Parkrun is held in the morning, in broad daylight and at any busy city parkrun there would be plenty of families, children of other runners, supporters and volunteers etc both in the play park and close by. The OP's daughter would not be "alone" and as long as she is sensible, the level of risk is tiny.

She is far more likely to come to harm in a RTA or accident at home.

And for those saying that she is being "left out", it is for less than an hour on a Saturday morning so there is plenty of the weekend remaining to focus on activities which appeal to her more than running

@JimHalpertsWife correct - which is why I wouldn't let a ten year old walk to school in a fury either.

*city

But at 10yo they are year 5 / year 6 - it's entirely normal. Do you walk yours to and from at that age?

I think this is fine.

I'm sure she did get a bit bored but I don't think it's a huge problem for a 10 year old to get a bit bored for 30 mins. Next time, she should take a book.

I don't really understand why the unfamiliarity of the location makes a big difference - it would if she was entertaining herself for a day somewhere but for 30 mins all she needs to do is stay where she's put which doesn't seem to me to require any particular familiarity with the area.

@JimHalpertsWife yes - as do hundreds of the other parents at my child's school, and we live in a village.

To spell it out for you:that's just your opinion.
Ten year old wasn't alone. She's going to look ridiculous getting collected from Secondary school in a year or less.

Why will she look ridiculous? I’ll be collecting my kids from secondary school if they’ll allow it. Nothing ridiculous about having parents who care about your safety enough to make it their responsibility 🤫

Would much rather look like an overbearing parent than take risks with my children’s safety tbh and I certainly wouldn’t care what eejits like you have to say about it! 8,252 children were reported missing in Scotland last year. The world isn’t all butterflies and roses.

I’m with you.

I don’t know where this “look ridiculous” thing comes from.

I used to drive my ds to and from secondary, along with two of his friends until year 11, year 12 they went off to college. We had a rota going with the other two parents, set around work schedules. It was. 15 min drive or busses through really dodgy areas that took three times as long.

Some of the kids who took local busses over the years had trouble, a couple were mugged for phones. Some other kids in ds school were sat in the park smoking weed every day by year 8. No thanks.

They were all happy to have a lift. We weren’t standing waiting at the gates in our slippers with teddy bears and hot chocolate for them. Why would it be ridiculous to have a parent waiting round the corner in the car for you at 3:30?

My dad did the same for me all through secondary, I never, ever gave it a second thought other than I was glad I didn’t have to wait for the bus.

My daughter will be going to a grammar school 45 mins away this September. They run a school mini bus from our town. I will be walking her to and from it as it’s through an area that I don’t feel safe walking my dog in alone. We’ve got groups of men, homeless people, drinkers even at 7:30 in the morning. Why would I let my daughter walk through that when I wouldn’t?

Loads of kids got collected from my kids’ senior school as there were countless emails over the years asking parents not to park their cars in certain areas outside. Mine got the school bus back and then swapped to the train a bit later.

It's not an either /or. They aren't either getting collected or smoking in the park/getting mugged. I suppose it's area dependent. My ds walked the 15 minute walk with friends albeit in a safe, residential area. As a young adult, he has never smoked, doesn't drink and is really responsible so certainly wasn't sitting smoking in the park at Year 8. Obviously, you live in an very unsafe area so that's different, i totally understand you accompanying your child to/from school/bus if it's risky. A sensible, confident 10 year old in a busy park full of families for 30 minutes (with safe adults around), out of site for small pockets of time within that 30 mins is at minimal risk.

My DD is 10 and is the same as yours in that she has never been left alone at a play park before. Whilst I wouldn't be against leaving her now at a park she was familiar with, I certainly wouldn't leave her alone, for the first time, at an unknown park in an unfamiliar city. I imagine she would be quite scared.

People are describing the situation like the poor child was dumped in the middle of the night in a desolate forest full of roaming predators, and not asked to wait 30 minutes in daytime, in park full of families and parkrun volunteers

That’s the trouble with mumsnet though. A lot of people assume everyone lives in lovely, safe areas.

When I posted upthread I was told I was weird and controlling, stifling.

There are always reasons why we do what we do as parents and I guarantee that if anyone who thought I was suffocating had to spend a week living where I live, saw some of the people who live here, got harassed as a adult walking through the park, stench of weed everywhere, read and heard (and saw) stories of grooming gangs and county lines, they wouldn’t let their children out of their sight either.

When you experience that every day, you have a different perspective of danger.

I wouldn’t leave my ten year old alone for a minuet in a park in Noddy Land, let alone anywhere else. I think it’s madness to leave them in a park in a place they have never been.

I grew up in a pretty safe area - a nice rural village where everyone knows everyone. Could have been on Heartbeat, that kinda of village.

I had to get the bus to school from 11 - I was groped by men, leered at, fell on the ice one winter and broke my wrist but still had to make my own way home. Had to stand at a dark isolated bus stop. It was genuinely scary at times and I hated it but Mum didn't drive and I had no other choice.

That’s the trouble with mumsnet though. A lot of people assume everyone lives in lovely, safe areas

I think it's more that a lot of MNers genuinely think towns and cities are more dangerous than they actually are.

I live in a very built up, large town, adjacent to a city. The local parks are full of families. The school runs are packed with families walking smaller dc and y5/6 dc walking themselves with friends.

The local parks, shops and libraries are full of people at all hours of the day just getting on with their days.

It's absoloutley not unsafe for a mainstream 10+ year old to develop the skills needed for independent travel to school or navigating theor way around their local area unsupervised.

My instincts tel me NO. Then I think wait age 10, a lot of kids wld be allowed to play at a park by themselves.

I totally get it though it's a worry and I don't think I'd be happy either. The situation is different because it's an unfamiliar place to her and she's not with anyone else like a friend.

Exactly. I was playing out on my own much younger than this as was my DS. It’s crazy that we have got to a place where people are questioning a 10 year old on their own in a park for 30 mins?!?

You miss read the post you commented on & there's no need to be rude.

I’m just glad that other people don’t know what it’s like to live in such as massive shit hole to be honest. I get it. I would have thought the same once upon a time.
Unless you’ve got crackheads for neighbours, you won’t know the same risks.