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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left alone in a park

312 replies

Dmb563 · 13/01/2025 16:47

Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

OP posts:
Saschka · 15/01/2025 15:22

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 15/01/2025 12:26

I'm starting to think that I'm not on the right page; maybe I'm too strict, too cautious, too aware of how rife child sex abuse/trafficking/drugging is.....

10 years old being ok to be alone in a park. 10 year old girl, alone in a (strange) park.

My instincts say no but many people here say it's more than ok.

FWIW, nearby me a schoolgirl on her way to school was attacked and raped in a park that she walked daily. People use it all day everyday and she still got raped

It is rare. You can’t change your behaviour based on extremely rare events. Look what happened to Rachel Nickell on Wimbledon Common, which is an extremely busy place - would you conclude from that that families shouldn’t go to parks together either in case the parents are murdered?

GripeOfTheDay · 15/01/2025 15:24

Ghosttofu99 · 13/01/2025 21:06

My concern is the 10 year old might very well be capable of staying in the play park but that doesn’t prevent an opportunistic weirdo coming in and bothering her or worse. It’s all very well to call for help after the fact.

A lot goes on in busy urban parks in broad daylight. It’s great if other poster live in a place where dodgy stuff is less likely to happen and in an ideal world of course it would be ok.

I also think it’s very different playing out ‘alone’ with friends to playing out entirely alone.

In total agreement. I certainly wouldn't do it. Irresponsible parent, would be having strong words....

Having just seen poster is a Dad, whose voicing reasonable concerns. Can't understand why mother and stepfather need to go running and leave 10 year old behind. Shitty parenting....

kiraric · 15/01/2025 16:07

Saschka · 15/01/2025 15:22

It is rare. You can’t change your behaviour based on extremely rare events. Look what happened to Rachel Nickell on Wimbledon Common, which is an extremely busy place - would you conclude from that that families shouldn’t go to parks together either in case the parents are murdered?

Show quote history

But if you stay at home, you might die in a house fire or electrocute yourself!

Where does it end?

You can't eliminate all risk from life for you or your children, you just have to make sensible balanced decisions

I am sure there are some parks where this wouldn't be a sensible decision but I think it's fine in most.

DecafDodger · 15/01/2025 16:42

Can't understand why mother and stepfather need to go running and leave 10 year old behind. Shitty parenting....

I think doing a family parkrun with their 12yo is fabulous parenting. The 10yo didn't want to join.

Codlingmoths · 15/01/2025 20:04

Natsku · 15/01/2025 13:17

Talking her into doing it as a walk would be good but there's no need to skip it altogether unless the 10 year old is scared at being left. If she's just bored then she needs to learn to cope with that boredom and use it to stimulate her imagination and self-entertainment skills, as we all did in childhood, and usually for far longer than half an hour every other weekend.

Show quote history

No one on his thread has said 10 year olds should not have to entertain themselves for half an hour. I expect most parents require that regularly of far younger children, just as I do. But I wouldn’t leave them alone in a public park to do their entertaining themselves. So maybe she’s just bored, but that is totally missing the point.

If mum can’t get her to walk in the park run she needs to find an adult to be with her or skip her park run. Ideally I guess every second second week she’d find someone and run with the elder child, and the other weeks she’d spend time with the younger child. I wonder how much of this is that mum and stepdad like doing the park run together. They can do that again in a couple of years.

Natsku · 16/01/2025 03:37

Why do they need to find a babysitter for a 10 year old who can very easily hang out in a park for the half hour so her big sister and mum can do something they both enjoy doing? So long as they also do things the 10 year old enjoys at other points in the weekend then its a complete non-issue. If they are only doing things the 12 year old enjoys then that's a different issue altogether.

alexdgr8 · 18/01/2025 00:44

Who remembers being left outside a pub with a ginger beer and a packet of crisps if lucky.
Don't see that so much now.
But we all remember the feeling.
Not scared. But certainly a feeling of being surplus to requirements.
Just saying.

DecafDodger · 18/01/2025 09:23

But how would the older sister feel, if she's told that no, you can't do your activity with your mum, because younger sister must come first and cannot possibly be asked to be slightly bored for 30 minutes?

NovemberMorn · 18/01/2025 14:36

alexdgr8 · 18/01/2025 00:44

Who remembers being left outside a pub with a ginger beer and a packet of crisps if lucky.
Don't see that so much now.
But we all remember the feeling.
Not scared. But certainly a feeling of being surplus to requirements.
Just saying.

I remember as a kid, walking with my mum and seeing kids sat on pub steps, my mum thought it was disgusting.

Many years later, I have seen kids sat in cars in pub car parks, whilst the parents drink inside...like my mum before me, I think it's horrible.

alexdgr8 · 18/01/2025 14:39

How about they are each asked what they would like to do for that morning.
And if the run is to be done by one in that location maybe one adult is assigned to facilitate whatever the other child wishes to do.
Two children divided by 2 adults.
Even can manage that calculation. Equals one each.
Simples.

AlbertAvocado · 18/01/2025 15:17

Seems fine to me

GripeOfTheDay · 20/01/2025 11:22

Natsku · 16/01/2025 03:37

Why do they need to find a babysitter for a 10 year old who can very easily hang out in a park for the half hour so her big sister and mum can do something they both enjoy doing? So long as they also do things the 10 year old enjoys at other points in the weekend then its a complete non-issue. If they are only doing things the 12 year old enjoys then that's a different issue altogether.

And the stepfather needs to join in also??

Welcome to real world of parenting. One patent stays with each..

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