Left alone in a park

[Dmb563]

Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

Youngest could join in surely? If she prefers park for 30 mins then fair enough. Why should oldest miss out on a healthy interest? Lovely activity to do with her dad.

How did we know she wouldn't what to do in a crisis? Maybe she had a phone, or a plan.

So she wasn't overly happy with the plan?

What's your read, why wasn't she happy? I think this is a fine plan for many 10yos, but not all of them mature at the same rate so maybe she's not ready for it, is that it? Or did she just not want to do something to support her sister's hobby? Does she get prioritised at other times?

it feels my eldest always gets the attention with the running etc.

So what would you want them to do, tell your older DD she and her dad can't do their joint, healthy hobby because youngest can't be alone for 30 min?

I was disappearing off with my friends at that age. Out after breakfast, back by teatime at that age ( school holidays). But that was in the 70’s when kids had a childhood.

I think at age 10 your dd has the common sense to not wander off and your dh was in the vicinity.

Depends on the child. Personally, I wouldn’t do it and my DH and I were both brought up feral from the age of 5.

If there was a group of them maybe, but alone, no.

Friends so not alone.

Op , I honestly get the impression that you wanted to have an argument with the dad , and hoped the internet would back you up .

if you’re not comfortable, let him know.

She wasn't alone. Parks during parkruns are busy - no, the people are not babysitters but I'm sure would help if men in a white van actually tried to kidnap the 10yo or she managed to fall and break a leg during those 30 min.

My concern is the 10 year old might very well be capable of staying in the play park but that doesn’t prevent an opportunistic weirdo coming in and bothering her or worse. It’s all very well to call for help after the fact.

A lot goes on in busy urban parks in broad daylight. It’s great if other poster live in a place where dodgy stuff is less likely to happen and in an ideal world of course it would be ok.

I also think it’s very different playing out ‘alone’ with friends to playing out entirely alone.

At what age do you think the risk of opportunistic weirdos disappears so she can go out alone?

That was my concern exactly. The park run course itself is very heavily wooded. Lots of trees etc. It only takes a split second for an opportunist to take it.

Where is the youngest all the other Saturdays when they run?

You get older and get the confidence to scream at them to fuck off. Or you get old enough that they aren’t bothered with you.

Few ten year olds would have the confidence to scream blue murder at a stranger harassing them, or to ask another stranger for help.

Normally i would say a child in a park for 30 mins is ok but in this case where it was in an unfamiliar city then that is out of order and dangerous.

A group of 20-30 year old colleagues have several times been assaulted and harassed by "youths" as they leave work. Being older or in groups doesn't guarantee safety.

Men in white vans are less likely to grab a girl from a park by sticking their hand over their mouth and dragging them through a busy Park Run to a van. They are more likely to either convince them to come with them willingly (think come and see my puppies) or grab her somewhere more secluded. Like the 12 year old in the woods who could easily be surrounded by "Park Runners" who discreetly herd her off the path and into the woods ...

Im the father. The girls live with me through the week and I wasn't too keen on my youngest being left in a park while my ex wife, the girls step dad, and my eldest left my youngest daughter on her own. Surely one of the adults could have stayed with her? My wife and I were quite startled that this happened in a random city!

Agreed. And I agree OP @Dmb563 . 10yr girl old, alone, strange place she’s never been before . WTH, that’s not ok.

As well as the fact is weird that neither of the adults thought they should stay with her.

I wouldn’t like it op. We play it safe. Busy places can also create noise and distraction and it only takes one weirdo for this to end very badly.

I've heard a couple of run briefings where u11s have previously been left unsupervised while parents have run parkrun and it's been flagged up as an incident. The worst one was where a 5yo was left in a play area, ambled out and was found at the weir of a major river 100m away.
A 10yo is very different and is within months of parkrun policy deeming them appropriately safe to run the event by themselves at 11. With the greater marshalling keeping children in sight, children can run junior parkrun themselves from 4, where the reality is that at 5-6, regulars will start breaking away from their parents and running more independently. Parkrun has to draw a line somewhere, and the age groupings are 4-10 and 11-14 so 11 at 5k is practical and also in-line with general social expectations of that age group. 10 is not far off it, and is in the age range where children start being in public solo for short periods.

The biggest issue is her comfort level.
It's a busy park in the morning, with hundreds of people around the area. She's not going to be bundled off into a passing van. There are normally plenty of families around also waiting for parkrunners. It's not the time of day when teenagers are loitering.

The parkrun courses I go to are not ones where I'd leave a 10yo to play while I run although my then 10yo might have more than stretched the definition of "finish sprint" but I think it's more a matter of personal comfort zone than serious well-being concern.

Exactly. And weirdos are not rare.

Do you have a good relationship with your ex? Is your DD enjoying the time she spends with her dad? Generally, you don't get to dictate how he parents and he doesn't get to tell you what to do when they're with you. A 10 year old should be fine on their own in a play park but if your DD is unhappy then you want her to be able to tell her parents, while you work on increasing her independence.

Edinburgh - yes
Glasgow - no

So she waits for them every week, just this time in a different park?

Honestly if she doesn't want to run it that is fine, but I don't see any need for one of them to miss a week just to sit and wait.