Left alone in a park

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Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. Too many kids go missing all the time. Does she feel safe on her own? I know my son wouldn’t. At the local park bear your house maybe but in an unfamiliar place…no. What if she got hurt? The law is supervised up to approx age 12 or till mature enough to not need supervision or done such wording (check online). Ten is too young.

I would speak to ex but if it is to happen again I would refuse her to go or tech her up …apple air tag or similar (with her consent) and a mobile phone or deck one of those cheap watch phones £30 off Amazon. That’s what I did with mine.

For me, not ok in a busy environment she's not familiar with and knows no one.

And I grew up in the 70s not being mollycoddled..

How did DC10 feel?
I hope she got well treated after.

@DemonicCaveMaggot just here to say I’ve got ….retrospective ..? envy of the mid 1970s you. That sounds like a fantastic memory to have.

Not sure I’d be happy with this tbh. Do you have a password if anyone says my dad asked me to collect you or something like that?
maybe he asks one of the non running parents to look after her?
Thinking about it I know I wouldn’t be happy.Maybe give him a chance to explain?

The idea is that when you're in a spot & you don't know what's the right thing or the wrong thing to do for your child's safety when in the company of an absent parent, you ask questions/seek advice from peers - other mums.

It's not about what any adult did as a child x number of years ago, it's about 'now' & sharing information that could help re-assure or flag up potential red flags to the OP re awareness and perception of her child's safety because the other parent seems a bit lax - in her view.

@Mygrandkidsaregreat why would anyone be sent to collect her? She has a phone and can ring her dad. She is in the same park as her dad. And she is in the playground for 30 minutes. She is 10 years old.

I remember when I first moved to Glasgow I was nearly 19 and was terrified encountering junkies and homeless people who would come try talk to me on my way home. They were nothing but lovely, but it was something I wasn't used to and was very disturbed initially.

There's also 'city kids', I've taken my kids to big soft plays in Glasgow and observed quite shocking behaviour from.other children towards mine. Body language that can only have been learned from very aggressive parents, certainly not something I had encountered at home and they were being very hostile and intimidating to other children.

I just think it's absolute madness to leave your kids unattended in a strange city for half an hour. I simply never would.

Also children are not grabbed and dragged. They are observed to be alone and someone comes to them and explains that something has come up and they've been sent by their parent to come and collect them and bring them to them. They follow as a child would their parent, to strangers it looks the same from the outside. A child after half an hour in a strange place is not thinking the same way as a child who has been in familiar surroundings confident that they know their options of where to get help. Most ten year olds I know would be anxious about this, and spend that half hour stressed and hypervigilant.

I haven't stated that nobody should go to school?
I have highlighted that these things happen &
recommended that parents read NSPCC guidance to help them make decisions for their child.

Pollok Park main playground for a sensible 10 year old with a phone would likely be fine. It's also got the reassurance of being just across a car park from a major museum/art gallery, so safety planning can include going there and asking staff (who are all very visible) for help. The course wouldn't run round and round the playpark but she'd be as safe there as in any park, really. It's one of the nicest parks in the city.

I'm sure the girl was safe from abduction or murder or whatever, but we do tend to set a slightly higher bar than that for our children. It just sounds a bit joyless for the younger daughter. Yes, kids have to hang around, bored, sometimes for the sake of getting family stuff done but I think the dad might have tried harder to find something that involved them both. It sounds like he was putting himself first during his contact time with his kids.

I would agree with you if it was several hours.

I can't get too bothered about 30 mins.

I also think it's not a bad thing for her to see her parent making time for health and fitness.

And I also personally don't have as an ideal of family life parents never putting themselves first, I don't think that is healthy

Half an hour of boredom is absolutely not an issue for children, it's beneficial in this modern life of constant stimulation.
The ex does need to balance activities though, so it's not the same child always getting to do what they want, but if there's balance then absolutely no issue in that regard.

I wouldn't feel comfortable about it either. I'd be wondering if the message was because she was bored or worried and uncomfortable with it. Neither my 10 nor 12 year old would be happy to be left on their own in a strange park, that's the most important thing ultimately, how your daughter felt about it.

Merrymaker,if mum or daughter fell and needed to go to hospital someone could be sent to pick her up and take her to the hospital where her parent is

I'm starting to think that I'm not on the right page; maybe I'm too strict, too cautious, too aware of how rife child sex abuse/trafficking/drugging is.....

10 years old being ok to be alone in a park. 10 year old girl, alone in a (strange) park.

My instincts say no but many people here say it's more than ok.

FWIW, nearby me a schoolgirl on her way to school was attacked and raped in a park that she walked daily. People use it all day everyday and she still got raped

I dont think the two adults should be doing something with the oldest every week and leaving a 10 year old alone in a public place. Mum just has to skip it every second week till she’s 12 or talk her partner or a friend into being with her or talk her into doing it as a walk.

Im on the same page as you. Don’t doubt yourself. You know your own area, your community and the risks.

If others want to run the risk that’s really up to them, but you certainly don’t have to. Many/most parks are probably safe and fine, but I don’t want my child to suffer an ACE or worse, when they can test out their independence in safer environments.

Once your dd gets older she will start to watch films on her own, shop and go out for coffee, you can be very selective about where that happens, she will be with other friends and it will be a gradual process.

Most of my dc are now adults and are as adventurous as you can possibly be BECAUSE they have had a safe and happy upbringing and have the confidence in the world around them (rightly or wrongly) and can handle most situations well.

Do things in your own time, at your own pace.

The problem is, it's not so wildly beyond the norm that OP really gets any say in what his ex does. People parent differently and you just have to accept this when you're a separated parent.

If it was a 4 year old, that would be neglect and there would be grounds for him to say something and potentially even inform social services/police.

But leaving a 10 year old in the park is within the realms of what's normal. I might not do it, but I'd have no reasonable grounds for complaint if my ex did it.

First time Ive ever commented on here but I have a 10 year old and I woudn't be ok with this ! So shocked by the amount of ppl who think its fine. 10 is still quite young to me, mine does not have a phone and I dont like the idea of anyone being able to just go up to her and the dad would not even see it ?

That's what I'm thinking.
It's not necessarily on the child, it's who else is at the place at the same time

You are on the right page imo.

This morning on local news an 11 year old was almost abducted on the way to school, by a man and a woman, two vehicles were involved.
These thing do happen, not often, but not everyone has good intentions.
Also accidents can happen, bullying can happen, the child could get alarmed realising she knows no one in a strange place.

Alternatively, she could just amuse herself and come to no harm in the time (and it would be more than 30 minutes) the fun run had finished and dad returned

I know I wouldn't take the chance with my own kids

I don't think the fact all 10 year olds are different and that people parent them differently, is anything to be 'so shocked' by really.

It's just the way of the world.

Talking her into doing it as a walk would be good but there's no need to skip it altogether unless the 10 year old is scared at being left. If she's just bored then she needs to learn to cope with that boredom and use it to stimulate her imagination and self-entertainment skills, as we all did in childhood, and usually for far longer than half an hour every other weekend.

Not ok. It's 30 minutes in an unfamiliar location where she has nobody she knows to help her problem solve if something happens. What if she injured herself and couldn't contact her dad for assistance? Or her sister injured herself while running and the dad got caught up providing care and delayed returning to the youngest? It's all very well until it isn't and that's when things go to shit. In my country it's a criminal offence to leave a child under the age of 12 without adequate supervision, and this situation would not meet the test.

Mum just has to skip it every second week

And older sibling has to skip all running with mum, because younger sister is bored?