Left alone in a park

[Dmb563]

Please help, My ex looks after my two girls (12 and 10) most weekends. The eldest likes to do park runs on Saturdays but my youngest isn't really bothered. I found out recently that my ex and my eldest had done a park run in a large Scottish city (they've never been there before so an unfamiliar location), and my youngest had been left alone in a play park while they did a 5k park run. Looking at the course, the majority of it is outside the visibility of the park so there would be no way of checking whether she was safe in the park, except a few sections. A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete - it does circulate the play park but on a very wide basis. Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't okay??

I wouldn't have a problem with her being on her own for that long but I would have appreciated him letting me know he was going to do that. YAB a bit U to say "A 5k takes around 30 minutes to complete" though - for some of us it takes a lot longer and the Parkrun ethos is that anyone can compete, however fit or unfit.

I wouldn't be happy with that, no.

It would be a different matter if it were a park at home, that she knew, but in a totally different city that she'd never been to before - nope.

Why should he let her know? He is an equal parent with equal responsibility.

Also, it takes her ex and daughter that long to complete 5k, which is the point of this thread. It doesn’t matter if it takes others an hour.

10 year old is fine alone, doesn't matter that it's an unfamiliar city as she should be staying in the park with plenty of people around her, under 10 Id not have been happy but she should be developing independence now She's old enough to know never to go off with strangers.

Obviously she could have hurt herself, knocked herself unconscious and got taken to hospital after other people rung 999 if we really must catastrophise. Or DDad and DD could have been hurt during parkrun. But both are pretty unlikely. To keep your mind at rest just get a business card or two printed off and laminated with her details and your contact ones on and a cheap dumb phone with yours and dad's number on it so she can call for help if she needs too.

OP, part of being divorced is accepting that when your children are with your ex, he may make different parenting decisions to you. You sound on the over protective spectrum, so I think this will be an increasing issue, now your DCs have got to the age where they can be left alone for a bit.

Presumably she said around 30 minutes because she knows that her ex and older daughter can do it in that time. Just because it takes some people a lot longer doesn't make OP in the least bit unreasonable for saying it. Some people take a lot less than 30 minutes.

@Dmb563 aged 10, she should be fine in a playground for around 30 minutes, or 40 minutes. By the time it gets to around 16-18 minutes, the front runners will be back and she can go and clap people in if she is bored in the playground.

The fact that parkrun was going on makes any risk pretty minimal. There would have been plenty of other people about and most parkrun routes are multi-lap so runners would be constantly going past, including your ex and older child.

As long as your child was happy to stay in the play area and is reasonably sensible then I think you are overreacting

That's not the point of the thread at all.

Off topic but this sounds like a fricking awesome way to spend a day

No it’s not okay and YANBU. Yes, she’d probably be fine, but probably would not be good enough odds for me in a strange unfamiliar open place.

I would not be cool with this either. If it was with friends/ in a park well known to the child near home then that's different. But in a completely unfamiliar city where she wouldn't know what to do in a crisis absolutely not.

10 years old alone for 30 minutes in a park?

You're over reacting.

@BarbaraHoward I don't think it's reasonable for a Parkrun marshall to take any responsibility for a random kid. If every runner decided to leave their children unsupervised in the park on the assumption the Parkrun marshalls could be called on then it would be a problem.

I think the consensus is that it wasn't irresponsible or dangerous, but depending on the child, they might not be happy. If I was in a similar situation I would probably send the 12 year old off on the run and hang out with the 10 year old.

I can't see an issue with this at all.

Did the younger DD have instructions as to what to do if she was worried or something happened?
At park run there are usually lots of people about, do I think if the DD is sensible, knows when they'll be back and has a clear idea if what to do if someone hassles her then it's ok.

I don't think you're understanding PP's point.

It's not the staff in Tesco's job to be babysitters or take responsibility for my children, but that's who I tell them to speak to if they get lost while we're in the shop.

Likewise, parkrun marshalls are a sensible choice of responsible adult for a lost child to approach - they'll know the route and be able to track the dad down quicker than Joe Bloggs.

I would not be happy with either of my kids being left anywhere (except at home) on their own. They are 9 & 11. They would be unhappy and a bit freaked out tbh.
Not worth the risk tbh...

It depends on the 10 year old, mine would have hated it & been nervous, completely irrelevant if MNetters kids have been cycling to their mates five km away since age 8. It’s completely subjective. How did your child feel about it? Is she resourceful enough to know who to approach safely? All depends on that.

Personally for my child I wouldn’t have been happy at all.

Hence the mental issues children face today

Yes I agree @BarbaraHoward but you don't generally say to your 10 year old "I'm leaving you in Tesco alone for 30-45 minutes. Any problems, speak to a stall member." That's the difference.

I'd be okay with this if she had a phone with her

I think the important thing is how did your dd feel? Was she given a choice, was she made to feel like she has to do this? Being unsupervised isn't the problem but I imagine she was pretty bored. 10 year olds don't make friends and play in playgrounds in the same way younger kids do.

I'd be ok with this.

Presumably they had a conversation before they left her in the play park that they were completing the run and to wait for them and also sight of the park whilst the lap runs past, even if it is a wide lap.

Better leave her playing happily than dragging her on the run if she didn't want to do it

At some point it's appropriate for children to start going to the shop alone. Most parents will teach them to speak to staff rather than a random stranger if they need help with something.

The question is whether 10 is an appropriate age for that to start. I don't see why it isn't.

It sounds fine to me. But I'm in an area where 10 year olds walk to school, play out, go to the local shop, cycle round to friends' houses, meet others in the park ... without an adult, for much longer than 30 minutes and no one blinks an eye lid.

I'm assuming safe area due to the park run going on.