To think Vow Renewals signal a marriage in trouble?

[misssultana]

In my late 30s now and seeing a few of these things pop up in my peer group and beyond. One I know the the husband cheated and even briefly left his wife to be with the OW before sobering up to what the reality of divorce with two young children would look like. In another that particular marriage was the man's second and they started as an affair while he was still married to his first wife and he has a career that would give ample opportunity to cheat. Others I'm not sure but wouldn't be too shocked it that was the case.

Personally I don't see the point of it at all. It seems quite crass and attention seeking. Quite a few have been really expensive, essentially a wedding again with a sit down meal and evening reception and must have cost £10,000 + which seems like a tremendous waste of money. Then there is the gifting issue, some ask for no gifts but increasingly I've seen gift registries for vow renewal's which feels grabby.

To me I just think have a big party, make a speech if you want to proclaim your love to each other in front of your friends and family but renewing your vows in a faux marriage ceremony is either pointless or its because you feel those vows have been broken.

How do you know, they most certainly do look it up if you like its defiantly becoming a thing.

I don't really understand the point in a lot of celebrations- gender reveals, baby showers, engagement parties etc but if they make other people happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because too many people suffer from main character syndrome these days.

I plan on doing a vow renewal in Vegas when we get to 10 years. Just because we can, and it’s a fun excuse to get dressed up and be silly.

I agree but its just awkward when you get invited and the come under pressure to attend and buy gifts and other expenses.

To be fair unless you are inviting everyone you know to Vegas with you then fine if its just a bit of fun for you then fine.

Well, this is awkward.

I had no idea this was a flag for "one of you cheated."

We went back to the church we got married in on our 25th, had a blessing, and then skipped off to the beach to celebrate with close family. It was glorious.

We also bought new rings for each other as when we married (way too young), we were so poor that the rings came from Argos and had pretty much disintegrated.

We didn't ask for gifts or anything but my parents did buy us a lovely picture, and his parents brought along a wonderful cake.

I'm gutted to hear this is the most cringey and tacky advert for cheating... which neither of us has done.

30th coming up. Will make sure not to declare affection for the old fart on social media for fear of side eyes 🙄...

You don’t strike me as the kind of person who gives in to pressure somehow.

My husband and I have discussed doing this but we both agreed that people would think we'd had marital problems so yes, in most cases I would assume this too.

I suppose the question might be why make a public show of it on social media at all, why do you need other peoples likes? Why isn't the relationship you have with your DH enough?

I don't know anyone in real life whose done it but I agree about it having somewhat of a papering over the cracks vibe about it. IIRC Davina McCall and her husband did it not long before they split up too...

You started off we a reasonable topic but you have got really bitter and more than border line rude. Its OK to ask for peoples opinion and counter but there is no need to ridicule the special events in peoples lives.

No-one "imposes" an invite, its just that, an invitation to participate in someone's special event and you are at liberty to decline, its entirely optional.

I wasn't sent a gift registry list for either of the vow renewals that I went to and neither were reruns of a wedding.

So you don't want a vow renewal and don't want to be invited to one, fine.. don't do one and don't accept any invitations but don't be rude about it. If someone is having a special event and they invite you, whether you go or not, its a compliment and you should acknowledge that when you RSVP.

Why are you so intent on people keeping their renewals private? You suggested to a PP they could hide your thread if they didn’t like it - maybe you could follow your own advice and scroll on by on social media. You have free will and can choose not to engage with people who are offending you with such pointless displays.

Presents for a vow renewal? What on earth

My friends are doing it in June and they're a team!
Some people just want to relive the day and state different things perhaps

I did this and have no regrets. I have so many amazing memories. It was loud, brashy, silly and so much fun. Our friends that went still talk about it years later but no one ever talks about my actual wedding day 🤣

For crying out loud...you don't need to want to do it yourself or agree, but just be pleased for them, if it makes them happy.

I share special events with my family on Facebook and they reciprocate because we want to share in each others happiness. Again, you don't have to look.

I was once a Bridesmaid at a Wedding in a bright yellow dress that was two sizes too small and I looked like a giant over stuffed Tweety Pie. I looked a complete and utter twonk!

But I had a choice, I could have said no! I did it because it was an honour to be asked to be a Bridesmaid for a very close friend and whilst I hated the dress she wanted us to wear (which didn't go up to my size and my fat cleavage at the back was more impressive than what was at the front), I did it for her, its what she had dreamed off and it was her special day. I could have said all of this to her, and spoilt it for her...but actually it meant more to me that she had her special day.

Can't you just be happy for those that want to go that route and we accept you aren't going to be accepting any invitation any time soon.

That's an interesting lens on what I shared. I have a very small social media network, absolutely tiny, really, and locked accounts.

So that declaration, likely to be self-deprecating, would only reach an audience of family and very close friends, and that's OK for us.

Sometimes, I say nice things about my lovely friends on social media, celebrate the achievements of nieces and nephews, check in on loved ones, and occasionally, I might do a silly swoon over the old man. It hurts no one, and our relationship is more than enough, with or without a compliment on facebook on our anniversary or his birthday.

I'm not there for "likes" 🤣... but I do quite like my husband and that's ok.

Yes always. Vibes are this

@Bogginsthe3rd 🤣🤣 exactly. Mind you they're still together so that shows what us nay sayers know!

I am not sure if anyone answered the question I have. Why does it matter if a couple want to renew their vows because they were broken by infidelity or whatever?

Apart from giving you an opportunity to look down on others, if that is the reason for renewing vows, what is the actual problem?

I would like to do a vow renewal at some point but largely because we were a post covid wedding and restrictions were still in place.

Aw ☺️

My parents renewed theirs, twice now I think.
Basically they've gone away for milestone anniversaries and had, what they call, whacky weddings. One in vegas with Elvis singing them down the aisle, one was a Viking style one in Denmark I think. They don't invite anyone else to come with, they don't use social media and they don't host big parties.

They've been married for over 40 years and didn't particularly like their original wedding. Mam said it was too stuffy and formal for her liking, but it was the "done thing" and they were trying to keep everyone else happy.
They are now happily retired with more money than they've ever had before and making the most of it.