Kid being gossiped about by mums.

[motheroffour1980]

Hi there,

I just want to throw this out there to get other parents opinions.

My 5 year old just started in a nice, small, school in the Midlands last September. All has being well so far and he’s happy and made new friends.

However in his class there’s one mum who has been complaining to all the other parents about this one boy in the class who has a tendency to curse.

She said he has been cursing nearly every day in front of her daughter.

I personally think it is an overreaction on her part and she shouldn’t be sharing it with us or the other mums.

I heard this all initially from one of the other mums who she had first said it to, then another parent and another who all equally expressed concern having heard it from her .. before she said it directly to me one day.

She said she was “concerned” about this boy who was cursing, and she had told the school. She had reported him to the teacher.

I personally believe it’s now up to all involved to rectify it all. It’s really none of my business and I don’t appreciate being dragged into a conversation about it.

Now here’s the thing. I asked her how her daughter felt about it, and she fumbled an answer that her daughter was fine.

So here is where I think she’s out of line. If her daughter is otherwise fine then why is she blowing this up? I feel like she is trying to smear this poor boy (and throwing shade at his parents) through her righteousness because, yes technically she is right and he shouldn’t be cursing.

If she has informed her own daughter that bad language is unacceptable and her daughter is otherwise fine, then why has she gone on about this for months?

I personally think issues like this should be kept private between the parents of the children in question and the teachers.

It feels like she is trying to smear this boy for his bad behaviour and I can’t help but thinking how young they are and kids make mistakes and still have a lot to learn.

Also other parents are now talking about this “bad boy” in this class, who is only 5 years old. To think that he might not get invited to play dates now because this sanctimonious, perfect mother has told everyone about him. He is otherwise a good kid.

Should I talk to the teacher about her? Are there guidelines for parents gossiping about kids, and getting overly involved, does anyone know? I’m new to all this!

Am I being unreasonable ?

Of course you should be aware and guide who your child spends time with. Which is why when my straight A’s brother started spending time at school in your words uses “weed, acts disruptive in class” the school called my mother and my mother told my brother to avoid them. Disruptive children that act out are a bad influence on your own children. You can decide your child can be friends with sweary, pot smoking and disruptive children, but many of us would try and keep these children away from our own.

Because it’s probably her child

I hope your perfect angel never touches weed I am pretty sure that at 5 years old they did not 😂😂

I am good with my choices, thank you, it's working pretty well so far. Primary school is long gone. I would have stayed well away from gossipy parents like you, and my kids were not encouraged to be close to parents prone to making drama, I assure you!

It's interesting that you call parenting "controlling". Says it all.

personally I find the term ‘potty mouth’ more vulgar than swearing.

Op thank you for your post. It’s so refreshing to hear some understanding and reason from other Mums who aren’t judging.
my son has ADHD. He hasn’t sworn but sometimes will say silly things about poo or butts.
we bring him uk to be respectful and teach him this language isn’t acceptable but you can’t control kids, especially when they have ADHD and no impulse control.
luckily we are at a lovely small school and most parents aren’t judgmental. It’s hard enough being a parent without being judged when sure doing your best.
i did understand there are some parents out there who will use foul language in front of their kids and “drag” them up but this isn’t always the case.
its awful to judge another Mum who is doing her best and to talk about a 5 year old child. And potentially the child won’t get invited to parties etc is awful.

my 8 year old DD is autistic and one mum has taken a massive hatred to her for some reason. She will say loud enough for me and DD to hear that DD isnt allowed to play with her DD as mine is naughty (all shes done is play with a different child at playtime or said she doesnt feel like joining in with a playground game)
Yesterday my DD was walking and talker to hers and I noticed DD talking and looking at her friends mum. Turns out she was told by both the child and the mum she isnt allowed to walk near them.
It really pisses me off a parent bullying a child for no reason, If I had a problem with a child actually doing something that effected mine then I would speak to the parents not target the child. Im autistic myself and have a big right/wrong/justice thing so things like this topic get me heated.
The child swearing could be autistic or have another condition and might not be able to control himself. The parents involved should be ashamed of themselfs gossiping about a little child.
I keep out of playground issues myself but if you are more confrontational then me then bring it up with the head or maybe the safe gaurding lead.
We had a letter go out about parents fighting outside of school and posting things online which spilled into the school so my kids school at least would say something to parents.

Agree with you OP- totally unfair to do this . Poor little soul

Sorry but I take exception here. Just because a kid has ADHD that doesn’t give license to curse and swear at the age of five. If a five year old told my five year old to F off for example you are darn right my kid doesn’t play with that kid. That’s a learned behaviour and not acceptable at the age of FIVE.

Or you could find a productive way to resolve the issue and allow the CHILD the opportunity to stop swearing, with the assistance by teacher. Instead of teaching our kids to shun and cut out anyone who’s not perfection! Good luck when these kids join the real world, this wrapping them in cotton wool will only last so long.

Of course it’s not acceptable, I don’t think anyone here said it is.
Clearly many of these PERFECT mothers and children have no idea about conflict resolution, helping to reform bad behaviours, and being patient and forgiving instead of cancelling a child!
Oh Good luck!

Thanks for the luck …..not sure what for though 😂. And no one said parents and children were perfect.

Holding an innocent child to such a high standard where they are not allowed to learn and make mistakes reeks of self righteousness and moral superiority to be honest!

Yup. I do hold a child to that expectation of not using language like that at the age of five. Not self righteousness or morally superior just raising my kid to not know those words at that age and be polite. It’s funny have you have to resort to name calling and accusations while defending another child and mother because of this post. It’s isn’t morally superior to think kids shouldn’t know that language at that age.

Yes, and as I said I know that language is bad too, nor do I condone in.
My issue is with the appalling handling of it all by the mother in question. This is the main issue which for some reason you’ve side stepped completely. Perhaps you agree that an adult ostracising (bullying) a child is okay. That’s a bigger problem than anything.

Well the school will be aware and will have logged this on their system, which stays with the child throughout their school life.

How is the parent gossiping bullying the child?

@motheroffour1980 I don't understand your obsession with calling these kids and their parents PERFECT repeatedly. No one has claimed perfection.

There's a whole gulf in-between perfection and a kid that swears all the time 5 which gives the impression he's a bit of a toe rag with rough parents.

Normal parents don't want their children playing with children who behave like this. It's perfectly normal to see naughty children or children with low standards of behaviours and not want your children to play with them because it will rub off on your children whom you are trying to raise well.

You really are showing yourself to be the parent of the sweary child here OP 😂

And I won’t need luck, I’m not a permissive parent and I’ll raise my child the same way I was, with strict boundaries. Both my brother and I are highly successful with close friendships and large networks. Comes from being polite and raised properly.

I will of course extend Grace to sen children, I’m ADHD and dyslexic myself, but that’s also not a green flag for any behaviour that’s caused by crap parenting rather than being sen.

This in spades! Very sensibly put 👏

@motheroffour1980 I'm keen to hear how things pan out with this little guy. I'm hoping he doesn't have a horrible situation at home and safeguarding issues aren't happening. I feel invested in this story.

I'm sure the teachers will have a word and help him out whatever the cause and he will be just fine.
He isn't going to know what the gossip mum is up to so will hopefully be happy having a nice time in school just getting on with being a potty mouth little 5 year old.

If he ever were to learn or understand what is being said about him I'm sure he'll handle it himself. He can just tell the mums they're a bunch of cunts 🤣

OP if it's your child don't worry. He'll learn soon enough. And if it isn't, it doesn't matter really because school gate mums will always find something to gossip about. It's best just stepping back i say.

so that's your child, we thought so.

It seems your current parenting techniques are not working so well. Instead of ranting and raging against other parents, maybe rethink the way YOU are parenting?

You are extremely naive if you think for a second your children behaviour won't impact their life, it's already happening. You can wish the worst on other parents who actually.. parent, and call them controlling and anything you want, it doesn't change a thing. It's YOUR child who will miss out.

No one is bullying anyone. Parents talk. Look at you, you are doing exactly that, you are talking about another mum because you don't agree with her.

No, you cannot stop playground gossips. It always happen, you are part of it!

@TooManyChristmasCards

If the situation is that the other mum is actively recruiting a coven of other mums in attempt to exclude and isolate based on her version of unacceptable - that's not ok. I'd understand why someone would feel strongly.

If parents themselves decide on seeing and experiencing potty mouth Jonny that he's not for them, that's a bit different. That's understandable even if it's hurtful.

I agree OP. Lots of assumptions. Both of my kids have Tourettes although only one has the swearing tics, which started at 10. Its not unheard of for tics to start much younger.

If the child is otherwise great then something may be going on with him ( not necessarily TS)

When children swear just to show off then its rarely repeatedly in situations where they know theyll be in trouble for it.

Projection on here is huge!! For the last time it’s not my child! Would you find it impossible to believe that someone could care about defending a child when this horrible mother is busy slating? Doesn’t have to be my child to care, and I want a kind atmosphere in the school. You are so selfish if you think it has to direct me directly for me to have an opinion or feel something.

I’m talking about the other mum because I believe she is manipulative and dangerous to be spreading this info to other parents, especially after she has already reported it to the school! What more does she think is helpful to be gossiping about a 5 year old! Seriously!
of course I cannot stop gossip. I came here for advise and happy to see most decent people agree with me.