Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

Not really rocket science though. A couple BOTH don't want anymore kids, than at least have a grown-up conversation about the most effective low risk option, which is a vasectomy. The fact op's dh won't even entertain a conversation about it is pathetic, and he is shirking any responsibility. You can bet your bottom dollar op will have gone through the pros and cons of all alternative contraception.
As for the wet lettuce dh above who is scared of hospitals, well nobody likes hospitals do they. They usually do them in more of an outpatient clinic wing anyway. It is a small procedure, you're not knocked out for it, and you go home the same day within the matter of an hour or so.

God imagine the drama if men had babies instead of women. The human race would die out! 😂

But women don't just have babies for their husbands, they have them for themselves too. No one is having kids they don't want out of altruism so all the weight of the child bearing can't be laid at the husbands door as if OP was forced.

If he doesn't want to have a vasectomy that's fine as long as he uses condoms he is taking responsibility for contraception. The fact that him using contraception isn't enough for OP is the issue.

Having a vasectomy is for both of them too though isn't it, when they are 100% sure they BOTH don't want anymore children? Condoms over a certain age seem more of a temporary solution imo.

Regardless of that, the NHS aren’t going to offer it as an option to a healthy woman. So suggesting it to op is pretty pointless.

If he doesn't want to have a vasectomy that's fine as long as he uses condoms

Why do you keep saying this when OP has said she isn't comfortable with condoms? It’s so bizarre. It’s not your boundary to set.

Don't be ridiculous!

I cannot picture anybody over a certain age with multiple dcs using condoms; seems crazy to me. These days vasectomies are such an easy minor procedure as well. A 40 odd year old man with 3/4 kids who doesn't want any more, and comes up with ignorant excuses because he hasnt even bothered to research it, let alone consider it is unreasonable. Yes his body his choice, bit there is no logic at all.
I wouldn't be attracted to dh if he turned around at this age and made pathetic excuses, there would be zero risk of pregnancy because we wouldn't be having sex at all.
For a young man though in his 20s/30s I could understand a lot better.

It's really bizarre that people are saying that women only have babies in service to their husband so are owed a vasectomy in return for their service and that contraception isn't an acceptable way to prevent pregnancy. Seriously, it's really bizarre to insist on only sterility or abstinence, contraception exists for a reason.

It's really bizarre that posters are saying the OPs husband needs to take responsibility for contraception, he is by offering to use condoms, he's not shirking his contraceptive responsibility, he's happy to use contraception, he just doesn't want surgery.

Many view points on this thread are bizarre yet you seem to have a problem with people pointing out that contraception is available, effective and safe and that the OP is unreasonable to demand surgery from her husband.

Where has op said her husband has offered to use condoms?

This is one of the dumbest comments ever. She's not "withholding sex" to punish or control him. She's doing it in order not to get pregnant. Men seem to forget sometimes that sex leads to pregnancy, which takes a massive toll on a woman's body at best and is life threatening at worst.

He doesn't have to get the snip if he doesn't want to, but he shouldn't expect to keep sticking his fertile dick where it is a risk factor.

You can’t make someone do something they don’t want. But you can refuse sex. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t care about my health like that.

This. ^

The fact that she states she won't risk condoms implies that husband would use them otherwise she would be saying "he won't wear a condom".

Many posters are talking like the husband is demanding unprotected sex which is simply not what is happening.

I’ve just had my first and last baby, I’m on the injection now till we decide together who has what procedure. He already has 1 other child and doesn’t want more and after my shocking delivery I’m done.
you can’t make him all you can do is fight your corner and hopefully you’ll get your answer.

I think your tactic was extremely clever! I bet not many women in your position would have thought of it.

My friend's DD had two children with her long-term partner, after which he was supposed to get the snip. He kept putting it off, and didn't want to use condoms, so along came baby number three! He soon got the snip after that.

You see the bit where I said FOR THEM. it works both ways, she went through hardship for them to have kids, he should do his share for them to have a risk free sex life

What in the world! I hope a complaint was put in!

How old is your dh @Lovaduck74 ?

It is now 'apparently' a standard screening question they ask. Did your dh reply? I'm surprised they declined him, unless it was due to his age, maybe a young dad? Definately get him to go back and see somebody else, if he has made his mind up.
Dh got the same question, and replied with "Well my wife has been through enough, we don't want any more children, and of course the ones we have are irreplaceable. The nurse/doctor still went on "well you know some people change their mind." He was furious when he got home, and shocked the woman had asked it, as though you can just replace human beings. Dh also ensured her that it wasn't some flippant off the cuff decision, and that in our late 30s with 2 x dcs we don't want any more, and god forbid anything happened, the decision wouldn't change.

I fully understand that they need to make sure, but that question is a harsh one. I think some men think it is a bit of a conveyor belt, and it really isn't it. They're interviewed first to make sure they have fully thought about it, and what it entails.

Not that I am arguing for or against the thread subject but vasectomies are NOT 100% effective, even when following all instructions 🙄
We have an almost 17 year old born 15 months post vasectomy, all required tests done and clear 👌
That was a shock I can tell you!

Obviously a reason why husband had to sign the form to agree the surgeon took no responsibility for any unwanted side effects (which included pregnancy just to clarify)😜

Oh what a shock that must have been, I blame the surgeon! I would be beside myself. I'm guessing it was the new procedure? I think they started it 15-20 years ago. All methods can fail, but that is the least invasive permanent, with the best odds. Your son must have really wanted to be born!
Dh's surgeon said something weird to him when he was doing it, I cannot remember what, but it was a bit like a scene from a comedy movie 😂 It's about 2 years on now, and all seems good.

Tell him no vasectomy, no sex!

I’ve had the chat with my dr, no invasive questions, above have you spoken to your partner? Which I said yes, but how can they really check and has nothing to do with my partner, much like if she were on the pill.

Got the referral letter, I just need to get it booked in, which is turning out to be easier said than done! 3 times I’ve called and not been able to speak to who I need to! Started the process 8 weeks ago.

I’ve spoken to people who have waited over 12 months to get it done. Never have I spoke to one of these mythical ‘had it done two weeks later’ people.

it's up to him.
Ive recently been referred for a tubal ligation, and my husband was in the appointment with me (I'm his carer, so unless it's something graphically unpleasant, we go in together.)
the doctor did mention that the surgery would be easier on him than on me. and our response was, yes, but I feel more strongly about it than he does, but he's said that if I'm refused it, he would put himself forward for it. in an ideal world, he'd volunteer first. we both know having children would be a bad idea at this stage in our lives, with our mental and physical health.
but they changed my contraception to POP only from the one that has never given me so much as a concern in about 20 something years. I just want it off the plate now. (and we've been together all that time too) so I'm now so anxious about it, I don't want to do anything just in case. I think my anxiety about it was a major factor in why the doctor agreed to refer me.

I would never MAKE him have a vasectomy. but I would be thrilled if he did.

I think you are the one being obtuse here. No one is saying that women “only have babies in service to their husbands”, they are simply pointing out the vast inequality in what women go through / contribute physically/ mentally / emotionally for the creation of the family unit , and what men do.

You keep insisting that it’s incredulous that OP doesn’t want to use condoms, but the reality is that most stable/ permanent couples don’t chose condoms as a method of long term contraception for a range of practical reasons. Usually it’s men who object to condoms more and we have several posters on this thread saying that their husband initially refused a vasectomy but then - after realising the choice really was either that or condoms (wife wasn’t going to do all the heavy lifting this time) - quickly had a change of heart and chose the vasectomy as the much preferred option.

OP’s stated concern about condoms is the greater risk they entail (compared to vasectomy). Her concern is evidence-based and supported by data that shows that condoms as a long term method often result in unwanted pregnancy. Anecdotally, we already have one woman on here saying that her and husband used condoms after he refused the snip, and shortly after along came unwanted baby number 3! After that he got a vasectomy.

Of course OP’s husband has the right to say no to a vasectomy, it’s his body. But equally , OP has the right to say no to sex that makes her uncomfortable . OP’s bodily autonomy is no less important or meaningful than his. She doesn’t owe him her body, especially when her body has already been through so much to create their family , and another (this time unwanted) pregnancy - and all the consequences that has for her body (not his) remains a significant risk.

Calling her position “bizarre” and “unreasonable” while insisting she has no right to make “demands” of what he does with his body, is nothing more than a thinly veiled double standard . Like most of the world, you appear to place ultimate value on the individual, bodily autonomy of men, while viewing women’s bodies as serviceable/ communal property.

We had exactly the same experience. My DH was asked if he'd have more children if anything happened to me, but it made no difference as we'd already decided I'd do it as he was very worried about having a vasectory - he just couldn't deal with it.